THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 5, Issue 1551, 21 September 1912, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW[Br M.C.K.] There 19 such a thing as pushing an argument too far. The wise controversialist in these dnys of universal, free, secular, compulsory education, knows that he must merely place his audienco in tho train of thought, tell them that it will start off straight for tho station named Truth, and then lead them out on to tho platform of his mind ngain. Ho is ahvuys enrcful not to start off and run till the steam is all used up, for, you will see Lector: "What started all 'this?" You should never interrupt. But, to cu6 a long- story short, it was something in a Napier paper thnt started it. This paper set out to prove that land is not like other property—which is perfectly true, as anyone knows who has studied the unlikeness between a ticket for "Kismet"' and a bush section—and to prove that land should be specially taxed. Its argument led it to the question: "Is it more meritorious to bny land than to buy clothing?" It answered itself in the negative. But that is whero it erred; that is where it demonstrated the folly of going too far. For it is obviously far more meritorious to buy land than to buy clothing. Wo can do without clothes, but we cannot do without land. Supposing that nobody would stoop to own land, or even to touch it, and everybody plunged on clothes. At the\ very best it would be unsatisfactory if, whenever you wanted food, you had no resource but to change your clothes. Clothes are not a good substitute : for potato patches or wheat-fields. You cannot, it is true, on the other hand, wear a graz-ing-run when you go to the Yorkshire Society's dinner. It would cause remark: you would be told to "gaw hooani," a most unpleasant thing. But —and this is tho point—you need not go to the Yorkshire Society's dinner at aIL There is always bed.. .

Lector: "Well, go on." The wise, controversialist, my dear Lector, does not go on. Ho specialises in leaving off. Defendant declared that there were too many police at Waikino to afford an opportunity to try to "convert" a l free labourer.—From a report of tho prosecutions at Waihi. At it again! Yus, Hamming ie at it again ! Wot with its laws and the rest of .its 'ateful tricks, ■ It's 'orrible 'ard on tho only blokes wot's MEN— ■ . i • It's 'orrible 'ard ter think of the unflune bricks. ' . ... Hamming ain't game ter give us a, decent ehovr ■ Ter teach the scabs tho herrors of all their ways. . ■ ' . Look at this bottle, 'ow 'andy it ie ter throw— ... But, curse foul Mamming, with cops it's ; filled the place. It 'arrera our 'earts tor SM.the.bMdeire wrapped : ■ In horror, and hienorance, 'orrible dark and thick; . ■'■ • ■ TVe lone ter use our harguments strong and apt. •<■■•■■ ; But gone is the hace of Freedom and 'arf- • a-brick.

Stoppin' the epread of Knowledge, that's wot it is. » • 'Ow oan wo save the bouls of the coves 'as. Ecabbcd'. Wen 'overing round is a harmy. of low perlice,- . ■• ■_ : -.• .:.■ —. .• . , An*.men.can't 'ardly bo. Sfen and escape boin' nabbed ? ... Wot is tho nee of hidle talk to hue? , GiVe us a good dark street and a. hiron bar. And we'll, manage a crippled old 6cab without no fusses.Hamming 'as sent rerlice, and sneers "Eal ha!" "This becomes serious, see you, my old," said the intelligent foreigner. "One knowß tliat guns and soldiers are worth nothing. The nation sensible does not rely on them to resist the enemy. Nobody ignore that. Even tho oldest politician know it. But, I you demand, what it is that one require? Is it the football?" "Well, it helps," said the native. . , "But Sir Hindniarsh declare that roads are the defence the most secure. 'The gun,' he Bay in tono violent, 'the epaulette, tho officer in tho club, what are they? Murder outfit, holy blue! Build roads night and day, and, pouf! the enemy is discouraged.' I comprehend Sir Hindniarsh, my old. Multiply the roads so fast that tho German maps are out-of-date, and the Germans will not come. For tho German will not attack if he has not the maps full and perfect. That is the policy of tho most skilful—the policy of eight roads to one. And regard, more of roads, more of places to escape to when the..-enemy comes! Plan admirabloT Strategist incomparable, this Hindmareh. But the football? Eh, my old? Who will box the wing-forward on the nose, who will bo left to hoot the referee, who will have time to attend tho meetings of the Union of Rugby if we are all building roads? There ie a question piercing, my faith!" "Hindmarsh ie a crank," said the" native. ■-.•■■

"Who knpjrs? But one must, end the difficulty lamentable. . The Union of Rugby and Sir Godle-y have drawn up. a treaty. Tho football will not; be inter'fered with. 'Duty first,' Sir Godley declare, 'pleasure next. When the young man has no football gamo to play, I shall be obliged if he will come to tho parade-for a few minutes.' But, my dear old, what of profit in this treaty if there .is doubt whether it is the road or tho Rugby football that will alarm the German and protect t'he native land? When one abolishes the guns and training, will the football be secure? Not of all! Sir Hindmarsh is dissenter. When he is extinguished, and roads are abolished,'ono will attack the football in another will advocate- stamp-collecting, fishing, tramway-riding, as the true defence. Is- it not serious, dear mister? Nothing of certainty anywhere!"

Some local enthusiasts, convinced that there is a great dearth of speech since the member for Awarua went into Opposition, arc forming n Speakers' Club, and an ardent believer in Talk is to give ten lessons in tho art of public speaking. The first lesson will bo on "The Training of the Voice," in eight parts:—(a) The voice as a musical instrument! (b) learning to pliiy this vocal instrument; (c) how to strengthen it, and to speak in pure tones only; (d) its neglect and its abuse, speakers' sore throat; (e) careless enunciation and the remedy; (f) unnatural tones in reading and speaking; (g) reading.and speaking alternately; (h) conversational oratory.

I)y way of a counterblast, a NonListeners' Club is to bo formed, and tho first lesion i* now in course of arrnngement. It will bo divided into ten parts, as follow:—(a) Tho voice as >*. public nuisance (b) learning how to escape it; (c) the advantages of cotton-wool and how to pack it tight; (d) trams, trains, and other vehicles as means of escape; (e) tho art. of gelling out of a. crowd, with a. note on the value of being able to feign an epileptic fit; ff) detachable buttons n.f a. means of foiling the pr.ieli.MUK members of the Speakers' Club: <k) artificial deaf-' ness.and how to produce it: 'h) running and hWHng nlroniatalT; i\\ tho invention of important engagements elsewhere,

Other lessons on the same lines will follow.

"I hopo mo frind Bill Massey 6iays in f'r ever," said Mr. Dooloy. "I hate his pollytics, I despite his colleagues, I am not fascinated bo his looks."

"I suppose I shud ask why, thin," said Jfr. Hennessy.

"Well, I can't stan' tli' shock iv another change iv Guv'mint, Jawn. There's Tom Wilford has med me dissatisfied. 'Boys,' ho says, 'what th' country uches f'r is a Guv'mint that will tell aunywan it chooses,' he says, 'I , go t' th' devil,' he says. Docs it? I dinnaw. Bnt it worries Tom that mo frind Bill, instid iv sayin', 'Gintlemen, I have listened t' yo with pleasure, an' now yo can go t' blazes, or nnnywhero else ye don't like, but ought t' go to,' says 'Gintlemen, I ngrce, partially, an' I will considhcr th' matter.' In th' ould days, befure Tom thought he cud play th , - piano, befuro he iver hearrd iv a sof' pedal, in them days Tom ustd t' applaud mo frind John (or is it Joe? I forget) whin Joe (or is it Jim) used t' affirm that th' devil wuz repealed in 1891, and that th' primo test iv statesmanship was th' ability t' say 'Yes, yes, iv coorse, I'll do it at wa'nce,' t' anny ould deputation that came along. But Tom is changed. He wants th' Cabinet room, or wherever they receive deputations, t' becomo famous as th' place wherefrom th' deputationist emerges with a black oyo amidst a whirrl iv profanity. 'If our parrty wuz in,' says Tom, 'we wud do it.' Now I'd lovo it meself, an' lam sad whin I think that it's th' crowd that is in Opp'sition wud do th' only right thing. Why are all these here gran' schemes never clare f th' Toms iv pollytics outil they are ouable t' carry thiin out Sincere? Iv coorse he's sincere. It saddens met' think iv th' glorious things Tom an'Lorn'son an 1 John (or is it Joshua, or Joe? I forget) wud do if they weren't in Opp'sition. An' k> I hope me frind Bill will never be in Opp'sition again. F'r I'd be harrered afresh. 'Tis strange an' sad now th' man that never said more than 'Hear, Hear' in th' ould days is th' champeen iv.righfchuseness whin he has no chanst iv bcin' annythin', rightchuso or otherwise." "What is Tom's party?", asked Sir. Hennessy. "That's th' devil iv it, Jawn. Tom's party consists of wan, and his name, be a natural coincidence, is Tom."