THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 5, Issue 1449, 25 May 1912, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.. Pi M.C.K.] "I am not," Bald Mr. Mackenzie, "in favour of education being given into the 'bands of Provincial Councils. You may eay this is a funny position to tnko up. My critic's will say: 'Was ho not a member of tho Cabinet which, circulated tho Bill?' I don't care that (snapping his fingers)." This from tho newspapor report of, the oponing of the Local Government Conference. Did ■Mr. Mackenzie hope to lure somebody into eaying be took up a funny .position? Tut, tut, Tom (snapping my fingers). Nothing could hnvo been less funny. Mr. Mackenzie lias exhausted tho resources of humour. Nothing that lio can do now or henceforth will ever be anything ''but the most natural thing in the world. As well suggest thatit is funny, that the weathercock that pointed north on May tho something (tho day when the Government Meteorologist said it would point south), pointed east on May the something else. Funny? It is not funny at all. Even tho snapping of his fingers left us yawning. Mr. Mackenzie cannot competo with his colleagues in fun-making. With Mr. EH determining to make the new postage stamp issue worthy of New Zealand, Mr. Colvin pretending to be a Minister, Mr. Russell and Mr. Laurenson pretending to bo responsible persons, and Mr. Myers pretending to be plowed with, his position as the political adopted father of Mr. Isitt and Mr. I'ayne-with these comedians making the most' of tho ''fattest" possible parts, Mr. Mackenzie cannot hope to extract a single handclap unless ho nerves himself to perpetrate the. bold, if rather too-dar-ing joke of being consistent in his opinions. • Funny? Tnt, tut, Tom (again enapping my. fingers). What is there funny about Mr.' Mackenzie's saying ho opposes his own Bill? What else could one expect him to do? ■ : Strange .African Customs.' Ministerial Method3.-Ih China, as many people are aware-or in Japan, the point is a doubtful one-topsy-tnrvinessis tho rule: You take your hat out of your pocket and put it on when you meet a Jady, and so on. In South Africa there are customs that will appear equally strange to New Zealanders. . For example, it was reported by cable this week that a member of the South African Ministry had resigned. His reason for doing so was extremely quaint. -He resigned, he explained, owing to differences with his- colleagues regarding policy! To those of us who realise the valuable differences between Mr. Myers and Mr. Laur- ■. enson, or between Mr. Mackenzie and Mr. •Ell, Mr. Hull may seem to have merely invented a silly. pretext. But, a South African authority .assures us that Mr. Hull's reason :was! actually genuine. ■' ~ Science-Notes. What' We Bbeathe.—A\ cable, message reports Professor Bamsay.as having urged that instead of relying on Pernvian guano the British : Government, in the interests of national defence,' should use the atmosphere instead. . ♦ Mr. King O'Mall'ey, FedeM&inister for Public Affairs, eaid;thatj|bjjteyes of tho world turned to New Zealand first and Australia second, as in older times they first turned to.Athens and then to Rome: ■Ah! now'l Imow' what causes all the shipwrecks and divorces, . All the.'crises, wars, and murders'that are cabled every day— The reason why the nations stumble into complications. Why husbands, trains, and bankers are allowed to run away; .Why the Anglo-German crises and the steady rise in prices.And the. bankruptcies and burglaries continue to recur; . ■ !WTiy there's trouble with the miner, why they'bungled things in Ohina, '• Why the silly; aviators keep on tumbling through the air. •It's our fatal fascination! There is not a single nation But neglects its daily diuties and is buey looking on— In Tibet's remotest valley they can only talk cnfalley, Tom Mackenzie is tho topio in the Faubourg St. Antoine. In the Carlton, how. they hustle for the latest news of Russell! Wall Street flutters with excitement when tho wireless says that Joo (As they call Josiah Hanan), has another clever plan on, And some Goldstein, in the flurry, niakea a billion dols. or so. Dur delishtful legislation is the bno Jllu- ■ mination In', the dreary fog and daTknese where the Old World slowly gropes; ,We can weep, but who can wonder; at the endless chain of blunder Of the nations raptly watching ua through myriad telescopes? But thoy have their consolations, these effete and foolish nations:— Though, absorbed in our performances, they let things ko astray:— lYiz., the pleasant four per cent, upon the money tliey bavo lent To the Wards and tho O'Jlalleys to provide the blooming play. "Are ye aware, Jawn, that ye'ro a pathrite, follerin' a splendid ideel?" asked Mr. Dooleyi , "Annywan, t' look at ye, ,wud say ye wuz only a plain elderly person in need iv more up-t'-date neckwear, but t' th' Imperialist's eye y'are a hayroic soul!" "I.didn't know," said Mr. Hennessy. "Nor I, Sir; but I'm learrnin'. Ye can't believe our. own newspapers. Did ye see it reporrted that all las' week th' entire pop'lation iv Wellington, Ohakune, an' Milfoi'd Soim' was holdin* an Imperialist congress in th' Basin Reserve? Ye did not. Did th' Dominion recorrd th' fac' that th' Kiigby Union had filed it; Bchedulo owin' t' th' fierce determination iv th' wance faithful futball public t' refuse, t' be lured away fr'm th' Imperialist demonstrations on Saturdahs even be th' prospec' of scein' th' ref'reo plugged reg'lar? No, Sir. These foe's is suppressed by th' pa-apcrs. Their idea is t' encourage modesty. With a self-restraint that does him credit, even if it misleads th' ignorant, th' Editor says. 'Bill/ lie says t' th' printer, 'Bill, don't print nnny iv those reporrts iv th' gr-reat doin's iv to-day. Don't let a worrd appear about th' hundred thousan' pounds collected this morning' f'r th' now guns. If ye must put in th' total collected,' he says, 'tone it clown. Just wan line, sayin' that three or four millions wuz paid off th' national debt an' two or three millions voted f'r a Super-Dreadnought. 'Twuil look,' Uo says, 'like boastin' if we said much. I'll invent something f fill up, We'll pretend there wuz a larrge attendance at th , futball match,' he says. But ye can't deceive th' Argus-eyed Londor newspapers. Whin yo iniz shavin' fhi: mornin', Jftwn. ye didn't know ye- wuj Empire-buildin'. Whin ye Tead that Tom Mackenzie had said, 'Yes, thank ye/ t th' Admiralty's telegram, yo didn't know that Tom had personally consulted tin public. JVi-liiips yo "'uz asleep. Bui they know in llnglan". They know thai wp think iv nothin , but how t' pave th Jlmpiro; they know tuat ,ra aTft g r< "" n thin through lyin' awake at night pon cle.rin' on th' next day's Imperial perform' aiicc, 'Tie a wondher how. we get tiw

t' attend t' our meals at all. TV Englishman is convinced that th , average Now Zcalamlor is a man with pop-eyes through excessive Bcannin' iv th' Imperial horizon, thin an' bent with liearin' th' burrden, grey with th , enro iv Empire, but with a line heart." "I don't boliovo a wurrd of it," said Mr. Hemiessy. "Well, Jawn, ye haven't got to."