THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 5, Issue 1301, 2 December 1911, Page 19

THE CHANGING SCENE.

MR- DOOLEY ON THE ELECTIONS.

(By M.C.K.)

"Jawn;" said Mr. Dooley, let me canvass yo on behalf ,iv Lib ralism. Luk What it's done f'r yo in twinty jears. "It's not done onnythin f r mo, said Mr. Eennossy. "What rm thmkin iv w what it's dono to mo. _ __ "To maltc me tircfl. (Ye ro a Jawn. Ingratichood, ye re namo 13 Hcuncssy. What if yo hayo only!;he same old tlireo and six in th savin-bank that to had in th' darrk pre-bar'netcy epochi 1 What if ye'ro still wear in 1 th' hat yo found in nineteen two? th fac' tV.at ye're alive—kep' alive bo I.ib'ralism. ,An' annyway, Jawn, don't take a nairer view. Bo n pathrito. Luk at th thrno Lib'rals, th' faithful fellers that niver let th' worrm iv doubt get a toehold on their firrm belief that Joo is tli Bayard iv business, th' Lancelot iv Libralism, th' Napoleon iv statesmanship, th' onforgettiu' friend iv th' faithful, an' th' man that offers th' highest prico f'r votes. Lib'ral ism's so misrepresented that ya must keep ye'ro mind fixed on t,h' foe' that it's an ideel. "What does it profit t' owe les3, an' own more, tr to able t' get a job or a conlrac' without first passin' tli* Lib'ral conscience test—what does iheso things profit if yo sweep fr'm th' worrld tli' lofty ideel that depen's on Joe stayin' in office? Lib'ralism's a roligion, Jawn. In his crudo way Ballance wnz a, Lib'ral, but ho went by th' dictionary. ■'Why am I a Lib nil? he says. 'Why, bocuz lib'ralLsm is donvod fr'm liberty/ liberty fr'm th' London money-lender, liberty f say ail do annythin' proper without boin' hit in th' neck be th' Gover'mint,' ho Bays. But ho wnz only the pioneer: ho only laid th' foundations, an' Joo has merely improved on him be puttin' in new foundations an' reconstructs' th' buildin'. He put th' foundations in th' office of Cohen, in London, that gran' old Lib'ral, who dhrawß only th' nominal sum iv three millions a year from ns in return f'r his services in. keepin' th namo it Ward green in onr lan', as th' pote Bracken says. Ingratichood, thy name is Hennessy."

Eloquence and Policy. "Who'll win?" said Mr. Dooley. "It depen's Jawn. Me frind Bill Massey lays he'll win, f'r th' palthry an' onconvincin'. reason that ho believes it. But Joe says he'll win, f'r th' soun an statesmanlike reason that he thinks he Won't. 'Now one wurrd,' he says, 'about Bill Massey at Winton,' he says. 'I do not hesitate f say that there wuz only thirteen men at that meetin.', f'r th' rest,' he says, 'wuz nawthin' but Opp'sitionists, who went t' th' meetin' f'r th' purposo iv cheerin' Massey, an' so . they don't count, which,' ho says, 'proves it. (Loud applause.) >I"r< th' fiftieth time,' ho says, 'I wish say' that I attach so little imporrtanco t' that meetin', owin' f th' fac" that th' aujience,' he gays, 'was biased,' says he, 'that I havo niver referred to it. We shall win,' he says, 'havin' on our side a Higher Han', an' I have in my pocket some advices f th' effec' that au in tho past th' Higher Han' is aniious fr us f triump'. An' I may say that I have decided, g«ntlo men, f grant that pos'-offico (loud applause). I am responsible only f'r my own Govcr*mint,' he says, 'an' th' skunks, an', absolutely despicably mendacious blackguards an' thraitors, who says otherwise,' ho says—(a'.VQice, .Wliat's, ye'ret .policy l^'now'that's thruei" an* I can" say I stan'] f'r th' thruo . Lib'ralism iv Ballance. My policy is, an' I challenge ye f conthradic' it,' f'r I . will not be put in tli' position, as I have placed on recorrd. nor will annywan who knows dispute that th' high ideels iv tli' parrty, nor have we been actuated save f'r th' good iv th' people, notwithstandin' what th' hypocritical rubbishy crawlers and skunks, an' I repeat it, wo shall hot be placed in that position. (Loud chairs.) Havin' thus outlined th' gran' policy f'r which I stan', X look forrward with confidence f th' raysult,'. ho says. That"s whore he scores off Bill Massey. Bill can't say that, or annythin' like it. Bill stan's_ f'r ideas, but ■what's ideas? We are a practical people, as Hogan says. Whafs Bill's policy? He says 'Heave Ward out!' Now thafs a low an' mercenary policy, f'r it shows that Bill wants tf get in. "Joe wants fstay in, which is thru# statesmanship, ink at th' ondisguiscd selfishness iv Massey! An' then, Jawn, take off yere hat, an' luk at th' gran' simplicity iv Joe's policy, 'I want f stay in.'"

principles is not th' point Ti.i not be principles that we've reached th' gran' nn' onpar'lleled state iv owin' eighty sovereigns a head an' hnvin' a bar'net .f'r our political chief an' two knights in his Cab'nct. No, th' Lib'ral iv to-day is not th' Lib'ral iv yore. He is broadminded, ho is tolerant, lie is of an affectionate disposition, lio is not inquisitive. Whin did ye hear a thur'ly modheren Lib'ral iver s-how anny inquisitiveness about what th' Ministhry does? Ye never did. They don't know, I don't know, nobody knows, but they do know that all's well. They luk at me frind Joo an' his colleagues, an' roeliso at wtinco that all is well. An' where but cmong these onspoiled hcyrocs cud yo meet with tliat fino broad-mindedness tliat enables Fletcher f bo a I'ree-trader an' a Protectionist? Or that tel'ranee, that loyo f'r th' weak an' errin' that in-

Bpires Lorn'son'a noble, denunciation of th' man Hine, who had th' indecency f expose tli' little ways iv t'n' Lib'ral M.P.? Or that clingin' an' lovin' nature that has med th' affectionate tributes iv Sir Jawn Findlay t' Auckland tli' sweetest thing in th' campaign? Or that penetratin' .intuition I lint enabled our ,-overed frind Isitt t' announce, afther five minutes' study iy th' ordher paper, an' ten minutes' ohat in Joe's room, that compared with th' Ministhry th' twelve Apostles were doubtful characters an' th' lily-iv-th'-valley a rather grubby bit iv botany. No, Jawn, things is all'right. The counthry's safe. There's only wan thing I'm afraid iv." "What's that?" asked Mr. Hennessr. "I'm not sure iv th' public. I don't thrust it."

"Ward's been in too long," slid Mr, Hennessy. Getting into His Stride, "Give t'u' man a chanst, Jawn. Time is not ended. Eternity is not yet begun.. Givo Lib'ralism a chanst. 'Tis only gettin' into its sthride. Why, not half th' Civil Service yet is made up iv th' friends iv Joe an' his friends an' their friends an' th' men that wurrked f'r Bedflon in Kumara or tli* gran'ehildhren iv lh' good ould Lib'rals who stud by Dick .in' Job in th' old days an' th' relatives '.iv tli' Lib'rals that th' pnblio heaved out in bygone years an' th' nephews iv th' pathrltes who arranged th' receptions t* Joe. Why, th' debfs only eightywan millions. It has only doubled sinco Ballaneo died. Joe's only jnst gettin' th' knack iv borrowin'. Give him timo, Jawn. Lnk at th' taxation. "Ks not more than twice a3 high as th' nex' bos', an' ye Hennessys want f stop, an' thus deprive th' worrld iv th' knowledge of how much taxation a counthry will stan' before it goes afther th' Prime Ministher with an axe. Ye're too critical, ■ Jawn. Boon mo frind Joe will bo onablo t' borrer five millions without tellin' us; th' day has already como whin, on his proposin' t' do somethin', ho is insulted bo somo insolent devil gettin' 'up an sayin': 'Excuse me, Sir Joseph, bnt wud ye bo so good as t' tell us why ?' Be llivens, Jawn, they've already begun tf ask him what lie inten's f do. If ho wore less iv a pathrito he wud give up th' job. Tis not f'r himself ho minds. Ho doesn't Tesent bein' called a reckless politician, or an incompetent wan, although such foul language vexes him. 'It pain 9 me,' he says, 'not bein' consonant with th' dignity iv publio life f have this vilo in' filthy abuso hurried at mo by men who, sinco I cannot in my position uto anny language onfit f'r a dxawin' room, I can only call,' says ho, 'miserable crawlin' skunks an' thraitora,' he says. 'Tis- th' counthry he worries nbout, an' th' awful efl'eo' on our. credit iv makin' anny reference f th' size iv th' public debt, or askin' him whafs his lan' policy, or whether Roddy M'Kenrio's I manners is natural or acquired, or whether he himself inton's t' live abroad, or whether dear old Bnddo is a comedy or a thragedy, or what beoame iv th' Cor'nation invitations, or anny iv those ([uestions designed t' convey t' th' i/ondon money lender th' false an' soind'lcras idea that there's only throe an' six in th' whole counthry. If I wuz Joe, ii'd chuck up me job." "Will th' elictions improve thiDgs?" ajked Mr. Hennessy. The Modern "Liberals." "I see yo've caught fr'm th' thraitors th' rotten habit iv suggestin' that anuy improvement i ; possible. Ciive it up, Jawn. lint thiDgs will not be anny wor;e. Luk at th' fine stamp iv Lib'rals comin' out. In th' ould days th' Lib'ral tised t' ta.ka a stan' on principles, but

r~. In order to make an Imperial coup in 1909 Sir Joseph Ward, without any authority from the people or their representatives, offered to give away four millions of the people's money. The average household consists of five persons. This offer, if accepted, meant a burden of £20 on the backs of every family in the country. It was also equal to nearly ONE-TENTH of the whole year's labour of the workers of New Zealand —one-tenth of what every farm produced, one-tenth of what was dug out of every mine, onetenth of the timber every sawmill cut, one-tenth of the goods every factory turned out, one-tenth, in short, of the whole year's product of evory person's labour. All this vast sum of OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY Sir Joseph Ward, without so much as by your leave, coolly offered to give away. On Deoember 7, by striking out tha name of every candidate who supports the Ward Administration, you will be able to say what you think of such acts.