THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1108, 22 April 1911, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.

' ;(Br M.C.K.); '

"Now what the douce am I to do with 'em?" said Jones. "They all have the same ideas. Good thing, of course. Fine thing that they aro all in favour of running tho city in such a way that tho friends of prudenco will Tejoico and tho lovers of progress rub their hands with glee. A mathematical friend tells mo that I may select fifteen out of the thirty-six in 98,756,429,328,896,427,581,930,000 ways, and so, I suppose, •• I ought not to complain. Fancy having all that number of ways of electing a council of men united in the determination to combine prudence with progress. But what am I to do? I know that when I get into the polling booth-I' shall be ,hours deciding to - strike off . 'Atkinson, Arthur Richmond:' I'll never reach tho point of ■running the pencil through 'Barber, AVilliam Henry Peter.' And so, I suppose, my vote will bo informal." "Oh," I'm going to start at tho bottom," said Smith. "I'm sorry for 'Trevor, James,' whoever ho may be. I know Bill James, but this other James-I never-heard of. Out he goes. .'.With'luck I'll'get my 21 out." ' ' "But they give you dreadfully bad pencils at the booths," said Robinson. "I like, when I score 'em out, to score 'em hard, and if I've got to bo running . off to the. Town Clerk .for new pencils, .I'll bo'disfranchised too." • i "Perhaps, as an old hand, Robinson," said Jones, "you can give me and Brown a tip. Whom are you voting for?"..', "Well, I don't mind'' telling you. I'm voting for Messrs. Carey, Cohen, and Jensen, because I never had a chance before of voting for anybody named Elijah, Falk,vor Vilhelm. But that's just my fad. 'If anybody named 'Adonijah .we're standing—the ideal name would bo Adonijah Tarbottle—l would plump." But- the best . plan for anyonewho has no fads is'to make 'a rale; Strike out anybody whose name you can't find a rhyme for... Or. vote, only for words :of one syllable, or those who' . begin with a vowel. Of course you can try to pick fifteen if you think you Jiave time to mark out' tho rest. But I know who'll bo elected. My three men." ' ' . "Why?',' asked Jones. "Well, with a pencil and paper, moot people can subtract 15 from 36 and make the result 21. But in-tho polling , booth tho population will strike out I about a dozen, stand appalled at their slaughter, grow confused, and hand >in an informal vote." ' "I'll take good- care, then,"- said Robinson., "that I don't disfranchise I'll strike 'em all out.'* /At. Auckland the Hon. James Carrol], ~ after .referring to {the difficulty . of : solving the labour problem, added this oonsolation :• —"He believed they would yet find imbued in all sections of the public a true sense of fair play. When they . arrived. at- that understanding the problem was solved." When the evils of civilisation : Grow too great to bear, 'And "disaster and death and damnation" Loom up everywhere, 'And you: fcel t that existence is hollow .And nothing-remains ' but to swallow , Carbolic, just think of old -Timi. and deep peace will follow . Yoar fit of despair. ■ . . ' " ,y« reformers' who ache to re-fashion ' Society's plan, . 'And -who die, nothing gained by -your passion, . ' Despairing .of Man, • Tako heart! There are ages and ages To come; and -that downiest of sages. Old Timi, will toll you your noble, magnifictmt rage is A flash-in .the pan. In Hie Ultimate End-sweet reflection'-, , The railways will pay; The land, laws will perfection, He swears it, One Day".' i He, yawns while the rest of us bicker K® gaming, land, labour, and liquor, For he trusts in old Time, and he knows we'can't go any quicker Whatever you say. Every grievance that causes confusion I. Will vex us no more; . , Each problem will end in solution j : So why. should you roar? '.Why roar? asltß the sage; "all this dust ' is 'A folly. Be patient. My trust is .Unshaken that. Some Day we'll revel in j . Trrith, Peace, and Justice— j> In short, boys, Taihoa!" ' . The longest long speech of Sir Josephi You've noticed, must end; : The meek worm, the smallest boy knows, if : Much harassed, will bend :- j Then.reflect on this solemn truth, brotherAt. Last. In Duo-Course, all-the bother \That worries us so will be fixed up-in Some \ Way or OtherTake heart, my sad friend, Having lit the torch of civilisation, mo i" this part of New Zealand must' jsee to it that we . keep it burning ■brightly, so that its rays may eventually penetrate into all the dark corners of the south." If those few words, from one of the Auckland papers, makes you iwonder what makes them that sort of people, you had better cast your eye ' ,upon this brief selection from tho '"Auckland Child's Guide";— What is an Auc'&lander?— The ' highest type of civilisation. What, is civilisation'-Doing as Auckland docs. ' What is patriotism?— Barracking for your jDativo town. j Is barracking for Wellington patriotism? ;—No, that is tho parochialism- of the ! savage. ! Is Auckland parochial?—No, it" takes 1 a , broad national-view. : • Define "a-broad national view"?-Thc ' j Auckland view. ■ : What is barbarism?— Living outsido j 'Auckland. . " ; | What is the first duty of tho AucWandcr? \ 1 —To defend his homo against slander. | What is slander'-Whatever is not praise - : of Auckland. . When an Aucklander says Wellington is ! •windy, what is he doing?-A philanthropist I spreading the light of truth. And -wheu a Wellington man mentions the plaguo in Auckland?. What of him?— ; He is inspired only by malice and jealousy. How many suicides and murders were i thero in the home of civilisation last year? ■ -The tonnage of the shipping was 250,000,000 ill 1910. j If Mr. Massey really were as wise as , one would infer from tho - fury with ; which his opponents contemplato bis 1 continued existence, he would-give up * politics. For ho would realiso that ' nothing can be done against the resourcefulness of tho enemy. Not to ? mention the Acting-Prime Minister's j' clover relapse into Maoridom (it is impossible, you see, to talk politics at a j rangatira who' is waving tho shin-bone ( of a mutton-bird in time to a liaka in r tho King Country), or Mr. Buddo's 1 astute explanation that the Govern- ' mcnt has merely "adjusted", its land ' policy, or Mr. G. Forbcs's assertion that John Ballance's soul still goes marching on—not to mention - these, j \hero is the Dunedin "Star."- Dealing 'j

with Mr. Massey the other clay, the "Star" said his arguments were- weak, and added: Vituperative! methods are apt to provoke reprisals, and this morning wo chanced to overhear a very laconic conversation between two working men as they plied their toil. "Well, what did you. think of. it?" "I'landoodle!" "l'ou're right there!" What is Mr. Massey to do when the very'bricks of tho "Star" building have cars, when tho very newspaper takes a soul unto itself and communicates its discoveries to tho leader writer? And this is only the beginning of it. Mr. Massey had better throw up tho sponge and retire with the honours of war. His friends do not want to seo him helplessly struggling against such crushing arguments as ihe following, which are already in typo in tho offices of the Ministerialist newspapers:— But why labour the point? In order to show how idiotic is our contemporary's criticism of our article of Wednesday wo need only quote a remark that was addressed to us this morning by our charlady.' "Mr. Jones, which it was a splendid article you had, and I says to Smith, 'Bill, you cut that out and keep lit, for that's genius, that is.' And.as for i that there 'Daily Mail,' Mr. Jones, its articles is rubbidge.'" We need not go into detail upon this argument. .It is sufficient to record what our barber said when we were being shaved yesterday. .''Joe's tho bloke,"" he said. "You're right there," wo replied. "He's the bloke," our barber repeated, and as he finished us he added onco again—the repetition is significant of tho strength of public • opinion—"Yes, Joe's the bloke all right." It occurred to The Dominion yesterday morning, while it was lighting its cigarette—but no, that is infringement of copyright. What occurred to us what that it .is no use Mr. Massey hearing barbers .and charladies now-. He ought to have .thought of it first.