Christmas Conundrums.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1008, 24 December 1910, Page 13

Christmas Conundrums.

.What man.do.most men admire?— Wo-, man. When was. Adam married?— On. ; hi 3 I wedding Eve. I When is a newspaper the. sharpest?— | When it is filed. •• • When is a soldier not half a soldier?— ! When he's in quarters; ! What smells most in a perfumer's shop? —The nose, When.is a pie like a poet?— When it is -•. 1 Browning. 1 ' When ore ships like infants?— When 1 in their slips. I When is a silver cup likely to run?— When it* js chased. | What is that of which the common sort is best?— Sense. ' I What is the best T?ay to keep a.-manV". love?—To return it. : What yoke is most easily carried?-? The . yoke of an egg. Why is education like a tailor? —Because it forms our. habits. What, are the most •difficult ships to conquer?— Hardships. , I'll tell you something that 'will tickle you. What?—A feather. When is a sheep like ink?— When you take it up into.the pen. • does a man have four hands?— When he doubles his fists. When is a man thinner than a lath?— . When he's a-shaving. 1 What country is like a happy do??r---America (a-inerry-cur), ' When is it best to lose your temper?-- ; it is a'bad one. ' . When may a chair be said .to. dislike;-, you?—When>it can't bear you. ' When are your .eyes 110 eyes ?•—When Uhe wind makes them water. • y ... Why is coffee like* a dull axe?—lt S must be ground before it is used. Which consonant is, in six letters; tho' name of a goddess?— The nris. When does he have three hands?— When ■' ho gets a little behind hand. How can you. spell Londonderry in seven letters? —L on Don Derry. ' - What table has not a leg to stand uponP V —The multiplication -table. What is that which never uses its ' teeth for eating purposes?—A comb.\' : ' ( ' Why is a,kiss liko a scandal?— Because •/ it goes from mouth to mouth. Why is a pig's tail like the letter K?—. : Because it is the end of pork. : \j What Church official -would be • most ' useful on the battlefield?—A canon. • When is a person obliged. to keep "his word?— When no'one will take it. What is. Ihfr riddlo of riddles?— Life, 1 because we -must all give it up. ' : • Which consonant frequently signifies, in sis letters, to alleviate ?-S . often. :: .; . ; If barrel weighs l loib M what can you fill it with to make.it 71b.—Holes.- • What is a kiss?—A receipt given by. a lady on your paying your addresses. • N .

Why is a crow a brave bird ?—Because ' he never shows the'white feather. ' ' Why is an elephant like an oyster'?—/ Bseause neither can climb a tree.' ' ' Why ■is my sweetheart like a tea-'. guinea hat? —Because, she is very "dear. What part of speech are, shopkeepers most to dispose of ?—Articles.. ; . Why is a, nobleman like a book?— Because he has a title and several pages. Why is an orange like a church steeple?- • —Because we'have a peel from it. •' Why is,a .widow like a gardener?—Be- : ' cause she tries to get rid'of her weeds. Who may marrj- many a wife k and yet live single all his life?—A clergyman. ! Why (is the letter Y like a young spendthrift ?—Because it- make pa. pay.-v,-Why can. we send .110 more - dispateheat/6 to Washington?—Because.te is deaeb'i ai •Why is an umbrella like a pancake?— ' Because it is seldom, seen after Lent. : : Where was. Adam going when ho vaa in his thirty-ninth. year ?—lnto,. his for- . tietli.

Why is a peacock like the figure 0?—. Because it is nothing without its tail. How is.it known, that Adam was a provision dealer?—He disposed of a spare-/ rib. ■ , In what single vowel may. anything senseless be described?—lnane (In an e),' What three letters collectively, in five' letters, denominate a spirit?—Br and v... •Why is ' a schoolmistress like the letter C?— Because she forms lasses into classes. - Three .men- went shooting; two. got:, game;'.what' did the 'other.get?—He 'got home. ... , Why is a,new-born, baby like a gala of' wind?— Because it begins with a squall. Why is your .shadow .liks a false friend?' Because it only follows you iii 6Unshine., . When is a'sermon like a round shot?—-: When it conies from, the canon's mouth. - . What did the spider do when lie' came out of the Ark?— Took a fly and- went home. ' . Why was .Ruth:ruthless to Boaz?—Because she pulled his'ears and.trod o'n'his corn. . ;• • . Of what part of' London' does a lamo man remind us?—Of Cripplegate (cripple gait); ( .Why do .carpenters believe there is no. such thing as stone?— Because .they never , saw it:. ' " ' '' '•■ ' * '' ■ ■When' do husband- and .wife; change places?— When she con'ies down and blows • him up. . : ,■ .AVhy are 'the . houses .of. bald : people.' easiest to break ' into ?—Because their.' locks, are few. . > , Why .should a . man never tell his se-crets-in. a cornfield ?—Because ■so ; many ears are there. ' .. ; , • : What magazine would be likely to .give ths biggest report of a fire ?—A powder magazine.. . . ' ~ . Why is, a seamstress always a deceptive woman?— Because she-is never what.she seam?. Why would a, complaint from a chic- ' ken .be an insult?— Because, it would be fowl language. Why .is an extracted tooth like a thing fo/gotten .'—Bc-cause it has gone out .of your head. . . Which is the • strongest day, in tha : week ?—Sunday, because all the rest, are . week (weak) days. . Why is 'a banker's clerk / necessarily : well-informed?— Because ho is■ continually taking notes.- . What .is the difference- between - the"'' North and South. the' clif-..' ference in the world. . ' What is that which never asks any v questions, and t yet requires niauy answers ?—The door-bell. Why is a bald head like, heaven?— Because it is a bright and shining, spot, and there's no parting theri. How. would you speak., of .a tailor when you did not remember his name ?— As Mr. So-and-So (sew and sew). . ": Which is easier to spall—fiddlc-de-dee or fiddle-de-dum?—The former, because it is spelt with more e's. Why eannot a deaf' man' he legally., convicted ?—Because it is not lawful to condemn a man without , a hearing. When Giles's farm was burnt down, what part of the house escaped ?—The chimney flue (flew) and the.doors bolted. Why,. should some snakes make good story-tellers?— Because the.v get off a rattling good thing in the sliapo of a tail.-". What is the longest word in the English language?— Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last letter. Why are the complaints of married people like the waves upon the shore?— Because they are the murmurs of, the . tied (tide). Why are photographers the most uncivil of all tradesmen .'—Because when wo ask for a photograph they begin with a negative. AVhnt are the three letters which- independently in five letters, express . a harmonious combination of musical tones:—C h or d. What is the least satisfactory svstem of book-keeping?— The system which' makes no provision for returning borrowed volumes. Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and Babv Bigger, which of this interesting familyis the biggest, and why the biggest'— Baby Bigger, because he is a little Bigger.