TWO, AND A MOTOR CAR.

Dominion, Volume 3, Issue 787, 9 April 1910, Page 11

TWO, AND A MOTOR CAR.

[Br Jenny Ween.]

';.:: It was at .breakfast time one morning; when John,' who'was' 1 calmly'eating his ;breakfast and reading:the paper.at .: the same time-in the sociable way that husbands have,-suddenly laid it down .and remarked genially:.'. ■--'.•'■ r"I really think' I shall invest in a motor-car, Maria.'.' One'can .get about so easily aad in one's own time too, which.is siK-h a great thing. Railway travelling is too, horrible to contemplate nowadays in this country, -what ' with arriving at.one's destination hour's behind -time and often missing, one's boat in- consequence. What do you. think?". "'■•"'. ; ; . : ,v '/ '. ■''■'.• _; What did I think? I rejoiced exceedingly, but many years of , married life . had taught me discretion, ■ not to say .wisdom. Old. Adam,is still' so. strong in modern man, despite the centuries that have passed since he wandered in the Garden of Eden, that nothing gives, kim greater satisfaction. when things , go wrong than: to.,be able to. say to the womrfn: "It was for you I did it I',' I dissembled. '.. . "They are so uncertain, John. You never know when br'whero youi -will. : be left .utterly helpless and ridiculous. . Besides, I never though that.you would desert horses." . -> • ,\, This was rather unkind, and annoyed John, who always prided himself upon; Ms horses, and had always rallied the' men he knew who had gone in for motoring in preference .'to using their ; animals, and he answered somewhat testily':' ."You' very, seldom get 'stuck up once you know; how to drive,' and as for deserting horses, you can't very well, drive, say, to.Wellington :or to Napier in a,day, ; whereas you can'motor through in next to no time. I think I shall see an agent this'morning." , (Forthe next few.'days there seemed to. be nothing in the whole wide world but motor-cars.'.' We thought of them', we talked of them, and we dreamt of them till the eventful day arrived .upon which our own'car took up its quarter's in the shed that had been built for it., It was a delightful thing, of 16 horse-' power.. It might have-been a partial eye that discerned it, but somehow there seemed to''be an- air of individuality about it that marked it: as being, distinct from all other cars, of, the, same make.' I had ridden in .many that were tiimed.out by that.firm, and were of'; the same 'horse-power, but something was, different about this one, even the smooth: spring of it as it answered to the hand of the driver.

After that,'we lived only for the" motor and: never did chauffeur, have more eager pupils. He showed us and told; us 'so much' every' time we were out with aim that our brains whirled, and after he had brought us home again and was safely- out of sight we would pull our treasure out and' hunt < for every ..lever, button, and stop, all-the endless contrivances that seem to govern a car, and argue over what each did till we were not fit to speak to one another for the remainder of the day. If .John-grovolled fifty, times under the car: to,examine how everything went, 1 did it-seventy times at least, for I was determined to know quite as much and "more, than, ie did. ■" .-At..last one : morning, John' - said: "Maria, suppose.we go.for a drive '.ourselves; this morning.' .We'll never learn' to drive unless we 'do;""':' '. ' ; ; '■■'■"■'.:'"

'.-; I "had been' expecting this, and of course agreed to it .instantly. \. It .was just what! had been dying to do, so while he went to : get the car out,' I flew to put on my hat and things, feeling that;life would offer a few excitements worth living for during the next' few .hours..

".' When I. arrived ..upon i the scene I i. saw. my ; husband, seated.l'in'ji-the roar; careering-:'round the; padd6ck,' iV moving. nr3t''on6Thandle and then evi-. dently. 'trying the. different urates of •speed,- his course and progress being most:erratic.- Pat, the manvabbut. the place;, was racing madly after .him on jfoot ui a'great state of agitation, grey wisps of hair flying wildly-in the wind, calling out in frenzied tones: "Can't ye shtop her?. The saints protect ye 6orr. -. The.murdhering baste that she is." In his-eyes\ John'was a doomed man. ; . Why I did it L don't knoWj but I too/joined in the. chase feeling that there could not bo a moment to lose. Einally, the oar was brought to a standstill :and with.a : sad lack of grace I scrambled in and-fell exhaustedly into the seat, beside' John- ~"•'.: ;..";• - ;

-,So--;far; so -good. The next thing was to start-her. John jumped out, turned the,handle, hopped back again, put ier out of neutral and waited results. Tie car• was immovable. "One thing after /another :was\trieoV till he discovered an important thing left end then, :after' that had been remedied, ; we_made another start, when .away she' suddenly swooped in a straight line for Pat, who had at length. come to the 'conclusion, that she - was ■'"a'' fixture. With one wild diout of horror and of inght, and an' agility wonderful for a man of his years, he reached the fence, and from the altitude of .the top rail watched us as we unsteadily made for the gate, fully. convinced that he would never- see us again alive or unmangled. • With half .an inch to spare we cleared the_gateway.and.started out.upon the highway, luckily with no one and nothing in sight. Very cautiously 'we proceeded''"'for some.considerable distance, till we'came to.a. bridge-.with a.slight rise leading .*° -JJ* approach.; As we neared the foot of.it the motor slowed down, and finally came to a standstill, compelling John : to.;get out and attend to the engine.' This happened soveral times whenever wo happened to slow down, and what with this and the manipulating' of divers parts of the machinery, he -began to'get very warm indeed-and to lose something of his habit Hal serenity of.mind and caution. Even his : hat came off and was flung with some violence into the; furthermost corner of the car.-' '• ; ; < ' ■'.. .

.During the first.twenty minutes John must ■" have tried every single ' part of the driving gear. From slow we grew to.moderate, and from inoderato to high speed, and then he would get a' fright land slow down again til] the wretched thing would stop short and refuse to budge without a great amount of experimenting. The number of times that ho had to scramble in and out of the car, and John is not so young nor 60. slight as he used to be, was almost as good as skipping for him—a remark I could not help making,, to his deep disgust. Each time he got out I was careful to see that she was put into neutral"—a precaution, however, that was quite unnecessary in the circumstances. Culverts were rathor a bugbear; there seemed to be millions; of them, and every one was full of deep' slimy-looking water, and sometimes there was only a delicate margin between us.

Coming at last to a long level stretch of. road lying straight ahead of us, caution, was for once, thrown to the winds, and* we flow through the air at a most exhilarating pace, enjoying it to the full. A mob of sheep that seemed to : stretch'away and away into dim fu-. fcurity brought us to a standstill, and, looking behind, another equally long one was pouring into the main road from a side V branch, .so that there was; nothing for it but. to go on. It •Bras endless, and apparently they did Bot seem to mind in the least being run over, their tendencies being decidedly suicidal. Small wonder, poor things. The longest' lane, however, has its turning, they say, and so has the largest mob of 'sheep its ending, and in time we heard only their desolate, pitiful bleating fading into the distance: Soon, we came to hilly, winding country, and when I .began to tell John what l»e ought to do (I could see he was not ©lite sure of things), he threatened to "^on-me overboard. Had he -been bv

himself I would have left, him to his fate, but being there, too, and wanting to take the oar out myself shortly, I kept a watchful eye on things, and saved the situation at least twice. Sovcral vehicles and cyclists, as well as a_ few motors, 'began to com© in our direction, and our time was fully taken up in passing them successfully. Bach one, I'felt, was a mortal enemy, threatening our destruction, and glared upon them accordingly,, though several times I detected smiles creeping over their faces as they passed—no doubt we looked wildly apprehensive. Two women cyclists riding in a most erratic fashion annoyed John desperately, and ho threatened in ,a low tone of voice to run over them. f'There are too. many women in the world, so it won't matter," was the appalling • remark he made, but, nevertheless, he was careful and they passed by safely, little knowing how near, they were to destruction. "We're more than half-way to' the next town. Suppose we go there for lunch," said John, and accordingly we went on, without stoppage or mishap of any kind,until we came to a watercourse, somewhat wide, not very shallow looking, and with no bridge across it. We plunged in at the proper angle, but in the middle of it the car stopped short, and, do what we would, refused to go, -leaving us stranded in midstream, impotent and furious. John had to get out and paddle about in-the water, finding it very cold as ho waded about, trying first one thing and then another, all to no purpose. He couldn't even move the.car, as it seemed to-be

stuck fast. By this time he'was very wet and cross, and several muddy streaks across -his face gave him a most disreputable air. Words were quite inadequate to do the situation justice. ,-We were -far from home, some distance, away from anyone, and very hungry, and the only thing in sight was a great wool wagon half full, coming towards us, and' for this-we waited, our one hope-of .succoriS being the.driver; As- he came up to us there was a very'broad smile'upon his face as he-took in-the situation. It was all so ridiculous. .•"Motors are tricky, things! Sometimes worse'n horses for playing up," was his remark,, and' then, after I had been carried ashore,' he and 'John set to work and tried- to get the motor' out of the water. It was of no use. They tugged and pulled and strained," and still it would not move. At last they fastened it to ths wagon, the' sturdy team of hoises were whipped up,- and at last we had the satisfaction of seeing tho motor dragged'up on to the road again. Our homeward journey was ignominiously accomplished behind the humble but providential wagon, to which we were fastened, to; the driver's great delight and the derision of passers-by. He must have derived weeks. of enjoyment'from that' rescue: ' >

'Pat's face on our arrival was a study in expression.- Amazement,' relief, and finally the keenest amusement followed one another over his face, and;' looking from the motor to the horses quietly feeding in the paddock, he exclaimed :— "Shure, it's a plaything: for Satan anyhow. Why need ye be deserting tho pair o' blacks for it. They never brought ye home behint a wool wagon, the darlints." It was a difficult question to answer.-

After all, it was a very small matter that.was wrong with the pax, and had we been experienced we could have surmounted the difficulty. The next afternoon, to my horror, with our recent experiences' still fresh in his mind, I heard my husband calmly inviting some ladies to motor with him, with all the assurance of an experienced chauffeur. I do not mind my life being risked—at least not so much—but not other people's, at the present stage of John's accomplishment. Yet he talks of driving over the Rimutakas in a week's time. However, man proposes and woman—sometimes—disposes. -..',. The best advertisement is a pleased customer. Spectacles and eye-glasses that .fit -the face and fit the sight .are the kind that please, and these are procurable from Prank Shaw, Qualified Chem-ist-Optician, Medical Hall, Manners Street, and' The Cecil Buildings, Lambton Quay.—Advt: . Ladies' Costumes, are made at the English Tailoring Booms. 52 Willis Street. Those who have been gowned by Mr; W. S. Bedford, continually advertise him -Aldvt. •..'•' WEATHEK AND THE SKIN. Don't - get it-into your head that only dry hot weather is trying to the complexion. All outdoor conditions are trying: wet or dry, hot or cold. Tho winter is sometimes harsher in its offects on tho skin than the summer is. The thing to do is to so stimulate and feed and fortify tho skin that it can stand any conditions without danger of injury. To obtain that perfect skin health you must use John Strange Winter's inimitable skin lotion, "Lakshmi." In bottles 3s. 6d.- from all dealers in highclass toilet requisites, or 3s. 9d. post free, plainly ' wrapped, from tlie John Strange Winter Company, 228 Nathan's Building, Wellington.—Advt. I _—_ In tho West Indies a large caterpillar found on the palm tree is regarded as a creat table luxury,"