HORSE COMEDIES.

Dominion, Volume 2, Issue 568, 24 July 1909, Page 7

HORSE COMEDIES.

PLAYED ON STEEP BTREETB.

BEWARE THE CRUELTY INSPECTOR.

A PROTRACTED "SHIFT." < - They are not aKrays comedy to-,tho horses,-1 • tho little dramas that one,witness®# in Mount • : Street,''Grass-Street,: and other steep,a»c«nt« i ;.i of this': precipitous city; .■<■. Often, no; doubt,- j • the:-horses' feel .that theyi are playing a i i strenuous tragic'part. The' humour of the | ' piece is hidden jalso from drivers,;.as i v thoy- urgo tho stubborn beasts .up., incluies, | whore- the;,only,<natural :progre«s is: down-.i . . hill,sand the horses know as muoh,.and back j :. and slew,..to domonstrato the fact. But,the,j ' .aro moat - numerous, - . and they i ■:agree' in - regarding . -the ,» performance -,as oomedyy. or perhaps broad farcfl. . The writer was in :no mood for . comedy -when, he witnessed, and actually took part • - ; . .'in, ithe firat of .these street dramas .to engage liis-attention; He was shifting house, aftd tho drama was in two acts. In the .first . ha was merely a spectator. ;He ; was moving to. - a low-lying :part of Kelburne, and when four i horses wore attached to tho long lorry on ' which two-thirds;. of his -. worldly • \ property, inado an insignificant show, and the driver • '-•«•» said he would be ."up": in an hour, it soemed. an absurdly easy promise -to- fulfil. _ At • Uie : end.of :tho hour tho'mover was waiting before his future' ho'mo, but no sign could ho - ' boo of'.tho/preciousi'lo'ad: :>;Fiyei\ ten,!. ; fifteeiij. minutes went by; and then a lorry was ob-, i - served stationary upon: tho gentlo- slope be- :.' hilid'- Victdria'Collegol': -The .drirer's asßistant .i ; ' •,"; was' disraoimting.' '~..What, ;had'.; dropped .A: • • -catalogue of precious breakables'flew through .; . the gazer's : Ejind; he' having - . property. '.It: was a lengthy stoppage.. Wot« tho pi«»s then-so' numeroiisr; ''-No, tho' .' ''extr.v inari" was at' the. horses'. heads; in '~' ..two {now; tho .lorry;. lurohes; for- ' wa-rdi . 'It 'gofia for ' twenty 'yards another stop' Tho extra man « down again, but /iiqtriingj' ajppaiently, ;has rfa]len.>. ! ' understobcl that .the-extra ißan was sent: to assist in lifting tho heavier furnature; but • evid-ently'ho is.-morp.Eeeck>d t6, assist.propal-: - sion.- - After a dozen stops and lurches, .the, ■; . lorry reaches' thei foot 'of tho: last up-grado, ;■:'■ a fairly' gradual one. ': inspiration seizes: 'i the almost' desperate drivor. . Four horses • iro iio good; try 1 thrce.'.'.Tho.most -of the'teani'is. tied iip ;to a-telegraph: post;, panting,' and-with'.stops and spurts/thc thrw other steeds complete tho :journey, •-One and ; , a-half : hours; from iTe Aro flat! - : 'v. ; .. . - V ' -V- Tbe - driver' is an ' eloQ~uent man. ' .'llo. 'Cloos ''.not stop 'at, saying, what is plainly/ evident, .-'f: thatfi'th-o -horses '.'ifnich his; firm -lias-- given, him:aro beyond contempt.. Ho has heard it said that Wellington horsos tho worst in tho .Dominion; it would be' hard to • ■ find ' wbrso . than :thoso; ;He enumerates thai. -Mverali'iiifirinities'i' faridi' guivrds ".itlhe- rbpnta- -. - tho firm -by explaining'that t-her are a resorve,' ! a: veteran >toam, called, out on ■ j 'this ''.exceptional •; •••• ' younger breed are occupied. . rhree, t' : horses should vhavos.ttought.:.the load, vnt-h----but tho slightest. difficulty. Even those four should have had no trouble. But tho next ■'■: load was a vory small'ono—thcro would be • ; iio trouble-' with-that.-;-. ) ' i On ' tlio. .driver's . word, , tho^next loaa _ai cl v. •:' not woighi half a .ten. There were four ' - horues, -7 mover, having .specsal . 'froiglit'm tho form of a black cat to super- : v f intend,' took tho 'risk of - riding on. the lorry. ' i. AJI : went well :until> the', vehicle -turned from. . : Cuba' Street' up' - 'Ghiizneet-Street, •*. a*. rcry: '. kentlo' rise'. Ton' -yards"of .'.ife, "howerer,! 1 - brought tho horses, to: a full fitop. -' ine. extra man was down, trying, after, a_ rest, to pull' tKem forward. Their choice, however, • 1 -was for-edther gutter,:.and forward : they r<> fused to go. "Gluck"-ings and "geot-ups , - had-not tho' least 'effectyonfthem. Red- • faced with ..his exertions, and impatient or ■i:' foot; passengers 'tHat loitered round .witil evi-. dent;:* . driver:explained, with . some -appropriate lan-. that this horso'Vas'-gorio in-"-the knees,, another in the wind, another in threo places', and -titM' Ijlip'-ohly one that-had much "pull" in him - was ■so 'siok of um ' companions, 1 whom he knew -from previous, • tliflt: ho. had bo , hcarfc for &D-J, "Give"'em a.'bit of whip!" urged the as : : : '■'distant, with , working ; vcry ;liard at tho horses' heads. ,The suggestion shocked tiiß : V "Whip ?" he <sxciai/ned; in; loud, incredulous 'lous accents, r 'Not if.-I know it, in this street. I,'d have' the inspector for cruelty down on me in two minutes. One of those ■ •:;: old,' woraen- at".' the would,niig:up, ajconstable for suro." , ' "I think, that's the one that's no good, L '':. ! volunte<ired .an amiablo .old 'gentleman, ;tne foremost of a group of interested onlookers. . v |"Bbtwoen you-:and sir," tho. driver, "they'ro not any of them a scrap ot good. I wish I,had tllem m a'place whoro I could do wliat.l liked with them." "Oh!" replied the,mild old gentleman; ■- "I wouldn't hit .'.'them- with .tho whip. „, "You w'dn't 'hit.' .them .with tho whip, eir?" asked tho driver, who bo.far had kept ■ his temper: wondorfully-: .well, and., restrained, it now with difficulty: "Well, that's wlions you and me, ,sir, dift'ei very much in our -';v : ;vopiniohs!"'i;":'f':V; ; K :^ "ft ith spurts and stoppages and charges at '. gido streets, and-guttors,.'and encouragemoiit from -a growing . crowd, " the, load ot half ton got into -Woolcombo Street. Thore thtf Btubboni'-.steeds would do,,.hb r moro.- t See if : ': there \are , any . old; girls ,: at those. windoTrs. Bill, the desperate .driver. Bill ma(le a surveys aTid tne : dnv r or, -->nth an. anxious face,' which . implied, that ho / running a great riskj. gave . the . nwst. lit - ' horse a- : quick cut with tho .whip. .- But no progress'' could . be*, made/ beyond: a few, .stops, • at a timo, when- an old dray -was. perceived,, With - one horso pulling , it, and one horse led behind. ' . '"Eh, Joe, what sort .of horse u that, be.hihd' your' dray ?" -•-vf'■ "No' good to you. He's been used to : night -work, iand he's'haJf asleep all,day." ■■ But after, studying tho v -position-for fivo » minutes,- Joe: relented, : roped his dray • before the lorry,"and'got both his horsos < : ihto-harness,'im addition to the othoi four. - Tho dray and lorry were an imposing spectacle as they jolted up tho. worst- slopo into • i Mount Street,• and- there stopped.-,, It took four'.minutes to :unfa'sten,. ana get the lorry f ' on its way-once more-—for a dozen yards;. ■ "That fellow's just "as like to. lose his job for giving us a tow, as -I am to get.homo to-night," observed the carrier..-. The latter event' did not. appear too certain, and .the. • . tnovbr. snggostcd tho whip. But ; that could ■ not be 'touched save in tho very, last le- , sort: : The'driver ,'tofd somo most imp'ressivo stories , of,'what > bad befallen; drivers ktiown to him who had dared .to (lick a horse within the view of women at windows. "i\nd if .. those same.'wdmon know anything about a ■. - horse, I wouldn't care," he - said, ."but the sort that calls a coristabio most times just knows a horso from a rhinoccros." I Tho'sun was long down when the ,travel-,I ; ; ling/circus^it coinedyTrreachcri; 'vdestination.Ono 'horso 'had,,been::takoni out, .as. before, | : and left behindi'"and- the mover had: got out | :;';. long before, and walked on with , his cat;: The lorry had commenced-- .work at Te Aro at 7 a.m.,- and its arrival - with tho second load had all tho appearance of a'"midnight • 'v.--/---' r - ; "Wo shall havo to pay for that How' 111 Woolcombo Street," said the carriers' firm, in-receiving payment of their account. "But tho drayman did it to obligo your ~- 'menPV;':-- :••"••,••,'•' "'.••'•.•■ "V l '--- \, y ' : • • ' -'.'Oh,- that's;, all right, 'but'we'll: get an account. People don't give toivs " for ''no-: : ■ thin" m Wellington. Wo often get accounts '' of kind.",- '■, ■ :;■:■":' . ■■': ■. ,'v.:: fhe writer - has. since... witnessed many ' w- - ','tows" ahd/'struggles : with steep ■ streets; A s a ' disinterested spectator, he found that the element of comedy frequently doomed, large. But, bis own Bpeci&l case aside, are ' - Wellington horses worse lhan those of other • towns, or not ?' .Tliey should bo better, in view of Mount Streot.