THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 2, Issue 533, 14 June 1909, Page 8

THE CHANGING SCENE

A BIRD'S EYE VIEW. . (Bt M.CLK.) " "Taxation," eaid Mr. Hogg, at Pahiatna tho other day,' "is much like a sansago machine." Sorely it is bad form to talk shop ' in this way. A cable message" published last week reported that tho tone of an article in the Borlin journal fl Nenesto Nachrichten" in reference to tho Imperial Press Conference inlicatcs that the Germane are'closoly watching orery effort to promote tho unity of tho British Empire. It is learned from private sources that six new German Dreadnoughts were ordered the moment the result of Monday's meeting in' Parliament House was re-, ported in Berlin. ' ' Before the Imperial Press Conference ends, •oinething will probably have been done to- • wards perfecting a code for patriotic Premiers. Aβ matters stand at present, Sir Joseph Ward, when ho receives a telegram • from the "Daily Scream," asking him to 'make a statement on tho objects to bo aimed At by tho Press Conference, has to send in full a message like this:'"lt is the unswerving conviction of those of us in this quarter of the world that the silken tics which link us to the lion mother must .be drawn closer, etc., etc., etc. , ' A great deal of money would bo saved if Sir Joseph had a handy • little book of. codo-words, each word representing a tongue-and-groovo phrase, of a kind that would join' up neatly to any other phrase. Wo have brought to a high state t of efficiency the sending of condolences and congratulations. Is an ago which has brought forth the tin wreath, the P.P.C. card, tho "greetings" telegram, and the penny-in-the- , slot machine to confess its inability to assist . our overworked'lmperialists in the matter of I reducing patriotic expression to code-words? I

"I hope I won't shock you whon I tell you," said Mr. M'Nnb at tho Foilding Drill Hall tho other Tught, "that while in Sydney on a holiday just before Christmas I wont to seo Johnson and Burns training. I learned a valuable lesson there. 'After I had seen those men at their punching balls, I - was convinced that there was always peace and quietness in the locality where they lived."

The bards, they'may rave of Elysian Melds ' ' Of eternal content and quiescence, And too Socialists dream of a system that yields Placidity's ultimate essence. And the frionds of disarmament wistfully yearn For a clime where they never pull trigger— , But elto me the postal address' of T. Barns, Or let me lite next to the nigger. Sliongh, desirous of peace, all the nations may i arm, . 'Though million is added'to million, There'll never ,be more than two centres of calm,, x ' ' Two aedatiTe Talis of Avillon. 'A Blanco from the nigger, and peace comes therefrom, While Burns is a source of Quiescence: Dissension can't live in tho shadow of Tom , Or tho nigger's harmonious presence. .When, weary of fight, for a harbour I sigh' To quietly rest-and forgot in, My thoughts turn not now to a lamasorai ' Serene;' and'. aloof,' and Tibetan.' No longer tho land of Antarctica seems The place for a peaceful infinity. Tho goal of my life, and the height of my dreams Is to be in the nigger's vicinity. The Auckland "Herald" had an article a-few days ago explaining why it supports the adjournment of the session. ."Tho 'Horald, , " it says, "supports any Prime Minister and any party, without hesitation or reserve, in ■ patriotic actions which should bo above party." It is to bo hoped that the people . who most need the '''Herald's" snpport, or - any newspaper's support, for that matter, will not be encouraged by this articlo to become reckless. ( There is a chance that the burglar who pleads that ho wore red white and blno socks—one red, ono white, and one bine, tho'last-named round his neck—whilo 'bursting open tho "Herald's" safe may have the bad luck to find himself tried by a judge whose Imperialism is so lukewarm that Ire may applaud tho socks, and add "Six years." ,'Even the "Herald's" own patriotism might fajl it if somebody, having stolen a few copies of it, were to-urgo that his object was to read tho patriotic leaders and spread tho Im- , porial gospel amongst his frionds of tho twonp school. Motorists, too, should hesitate before,they decide that they can, run over everybody at 40 miles an hour in the full confidence that the "Herald" will protect them on the ground ,that they were hurrying to a Navy League, meeting.

Courtesy, it is pleasant to note, is not yet departed from oar politics—and Ido not

mean'empty courtesy, but the courtesy that entails self-sacrifice and 'inconvenience, the -; courtesy of the man who is not required to « go'.out of his way to bo nice, but who never- ■ theless does so. "The Prime Minister," "■ I read—it was -on Friday night that it hap. penod—"said that, although he might bo helping Mr. Herdman in occasioning delay, still he could not refrain from making some remarks in roply." Although tho fact has ( not been stated in the newspaper reports, it is said tbat many examples of this obliging behaviour havo been seen in the last few days. Tho Prime Minister, so the rumour goes, stated that although it was absurd to waste time disposing of the foolish theory that two'and two are four, still he would do so, even although he was due to go motoring. Mr. Hogg, also, intends to say to-day , that although ho will only be pleasing those who wanted time wasted, he will say a few words about the unemployed. It must not be forgotten also that tho Prime Minis- . ter, at great inconvenience to himself, allowed Parliament to elect the Chairman 'of Committees. Ho intends,' moreover, to bring down a Loan Bill,.oven although ho knows that by doing so, instead of jnst borrowing the monoy x without authorisation, ho will be giying tho Opposition-a chance to , waste time by talking upon it. His consideration for tho country was pleasingly exemplified last session, whon he allowed tho House to discuss tho Bills before passing them, despite the fact that this entailed on him tho necessity of being present in tho House.

< No,;'Ja'TO,;V | Said-:',Mr;--; : Jp6bleyy- ; ,''.'l-''tiiini- , £ won't join mo frind Bill Massey'e' or imny other Cabinet." ;;!■:,■. ,: : ■; ■■;'■'.•'•'■''.•■". ■..'■'.■: ~"But.doesn't a Minister have th' gran , timei"?. a'sko'd; Mr. : .:Hennessy. : ' ' , : ' ;■■ "He has as gran' a time as Tommy Burrns : ■ whin .'-he gets- opposite , th' plan.; ;Whinl think'iv th'arjuseiabours iv those-fiiio.mon/I.want t' get up.testimonials t' them. ; 'Tis. hot' that:: th' Opp'sition ; .porsues." th'.onm'anrierly tactics ,iv. askin' f'r reasons f'r things,-thereby entailin , , gr-reat .labour on; mo frind Joe, an' iv; dhrivin' him into deliverin'; speeches .so ltfng as t','make himfnoarniiss ill' boat. "lie not'that they liavo-t/.-ca'nr..' deputatiohs. < • 'Tm .not: that ■,thpy have; t'; prove; two an' two is five. 'Tis : : npt. v t|iat; their::hnart bleeds' at puttin', off Ken whoigare. a'Steady yote.an'thonght 1 .they'll} kot' a steady.' job. -' It'e not that, , Jaivi'- U'a'iUi , .- throubles that besete Minis-

'tors whin they Ene.np f ft , dinner thai,. 1 as me frmd Joe trai say, is' consonant with their positions. 'What's thiap says th . Minister, as he scans th' menu in th' gilded palace iv food. 'What's this? Horse dnffors,'. he says. Thoy spell bad here, but I'll thry a duffor,' says ho, 'qndherdone. An , ye can folly up the duffer with a slice iv bullion an , some agony farces, an' hurry away now till I pick th , rest,' ho says. An , th' gilded lackey returrns with some homely food. 'Whoro's my orrderP , says tho Minister. , 'Is a Ministerial stomach t' be affronted with the things I loft behind mo whin I stopped up t' mo prisint honourable position! -.Whoro's th' horse duffer?' Now, it's a thrilo t' a man t' have t' spell out his- food an' thin get beans an' bacon. No, Jawn, I wudn't mind bein' a Ministher, : if only it didn't necessitate this ordeal. ' I'll join th' Ministhry, an' prove two an' two is iivq, an' stan' off th' Opposition singlehanded if they'll let me have me food in a handy littlo joint I know where th' gurrl shouts th' menu in your ear, an' imposes no greater sthrain on ye than is.involved in decidin, whether 'twill be oysters or a stoak. But not, till then."