THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 2, Issue 467, 27 March 1909, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. (By M.0.K.) "Well," said the littlo man in the corner, "if it is worth doing at all, it is worth doing handsomely." . "Just what I say," said the Ballow youth with tho cigarette and dangly pin. _ "Espouse oughtor be no objec', considonn the benefits the public gets." ■ "Assuredly," said tho little man. Parsimony in these matters must havo a bad offcct on tho public, as tending to relax the fibre of the nation. Tho suggestion of extravagance is, to my mind, ovidence of a deficient understanding of what are tho important things in life." ■ "Yer right," said the youth. "They d squabble over a paltry five quid, somo of those coots." "Not quito so bad as that, perhaps, the littlo man mildly dissented. "And of course oxtravaganco is as bad in its way as parsimony." "Course," agreed the youth. "Champagne where beer would do." "Quite so. As to consulting Parliament—" " Yer mean tho Centres, don't yer? the youth interrupted. "The Centres?" the little man looked puzzled. "The Centres? Perhaps I am misunderstanding you?' "I'm talkin' about the Rugby Union's resolootion ter cut down the entertainment expenses of Qsitin'i teams." ■ "Why," said the little man, "I was referring to the Dreadnought offor." "Oh," said tho youth. "Yes, I've heard about that. The Navy, wasn't it?".

"Union Jack on Magnetic Pole." With this headline a local journal disposes of. the rumour that the pole had been so freely resorted to for firewood by previous expeditions that there was not sufficient of it left upon which to fly a flag.

Apropos of the expedition, it may be stated that the discovery by Sir Edward Grey, reported by cable yesterday, 'that tho Sovereign is an asset has caused little or no surprise in local banking circles.

Mr. MT/aren, M.P., interviewed respecting the Dreadnought offer, said: "It seems to me that this fever of militarism is an artificial creation by the commercial classes for their own private interests. I cannot shut my eyes to the fact that thore are very large business concerns, owned and controlled by private persons, which ,must benefit very greatly by the fomenting of war." This, it is understood, is the' first hint of an impending report in which the local Socialists will shed somo startling light on many very troublesome questions. The report, it is understood, will reveal an extraordinary mass of corruption. The. police forco, which places such a bnrden _on the worker, is maintained sololy in the interest of certain firms of tailors, who make huge profits from the uniforms they supply. Tho recent garrotter scare was engineered by gunmakers and pawnbrokers for their own private interest. "Nor," says the report, "can wo blind our eyes to the fact that the public's fear of disease is an artificial creation of the doctors, who benefit very greatly by fomenting precautions against illness. In fact, nearly all. the onergy in the world has low motives behind it. The only kind of militant activity, indeed, whioh is not an artificial creation by individuals who benefit by fomenting trouble, is that displayed :by the tradeß-unions."

Representations made, to the (Sty Council in regard to billiard saloons and Sunday concerts had been entirely ignored. Billiard saloons were granted an extension of hours, and Sunday concerts flourished under tho smile of the civic authorities.—Extract from tho report of the Council of Churches. Tho smile of ruthless Nero, . The wink of Henry VIII, Jack Johnson's grin when Burns fell in, The villain's smile of hate When worrying the hero— . Thoso are not half so vile A As that fell leer, which good men fear: Tho Olty Council's Bmilo. The City Fathors dote on The various forma of vice: Where yon or I would hurry by, They stop, and say "How nice! The things they love to gloat on Would make you shako your fist. Or hoavo a rock—they'd almost shook A lady novelist. They think with gleo of billiards. And watch with ardour gay That baleful sight, tho potted white, Which leads tho soul astray. To tell their sins would fill yards And need a sea of ink: Only to hint their state in print Would turn the paper pink. The parable of the prodigal son has been reversed by Miss Ada Ward. She is going back to the stage, not, sue explains, because she is weary of work in the Salvation Army, but because she can do more good on tho stage; The cable message is not clear as to whether she is anxious to convert the members of the profession she loves or the playgoing public. Careful impresarios will hesitate a little before entering into contracts with Miss Ada. What could bo more distressing than the spectacle of the villain suddenly repenting in Act I as the result of Miss Ward's influence? How would the four remaining acts get on? What guarantee would the manager have that the company, assembled at the first "curtain," would not suddenly imagine themselves to be holding a mooting in the street? Not many plays would survive such a catastrophe as the conversion of the hero just at the critical moment, and the consequent interpolation of a stirring address to the audience. Miss' Ward, in fact, may be a source of great danger to the modern drama. The stage is a good enough preparation for the. Army, but the Army is not the best preparation for the stage. .

"This Crewe," said Mr. Dooley indignantly, "is no pathrite. He'B in th' pay iv Gerrmany, an' is prob'ly a pro-Boer." "Well, he might have taken th' offer at wanst," Mr. Hennessy admitted. "'Tis not that,. Jawn; 'tis th' man's language.. Whin, afther th' gran' burst iv telegrams t' me frind Joe Warrd, th' Primeer rose t' th' stupendous glory iv th' phrase 'Line-Mother,' I thrombled with delightful anticipation' of th': wondherful wurrds in which :Lorrd Crewe wud go wan betther. An' th' man replied—how, Jawn ? Ho talked, Jawn, as if th' wurrld wuz just th' same as befure. There wuz not a wurrd, not a phrase,, in his dispatch that ye cudn't find in anny old dispatch in th' dark untutored epoch, as Hogan calls it, before pathritism wuz invinted bo Seddon. It wuz just th' letther that a gonial an' grateful business man wud write. Onless ye knew, ye wud niver know.'twuz writ be an Englishman. Hogan annoyed me. 'A gran' an' dignified message,' he says ; 'iv Crewe's,' says he. 'Ar-re ye a pathrite ?' I says. 'I am that,' says Hogan, 'a plain pathrite,' he says.. Woll, I pity Hogan. He thinks a pathrite is a man who thinks path'riotic'ly. Ye might as well say a poet is a man who thinks pbetie'ly. ' 'Tis not so. Whin a man says, 'I love me counthry,- a good counthry, an' I'm glad it wants to do its duty'— whin a man says that, Jawn, he is a thraitor at hear-rt; T' be thurly pathriottc, 3-0 must sound th' loudest timbrel on th' marrket. If ye don't reeliso, an' don't say, that th' Ould Connthry is a Line Mother, it shows y' are a sorrdid huckster iv th' roarin' marrt, as th' Imperialist says: If •ye use th' old-fashioned adjectives it shows yore idces is old-fashioned, an' pathritism is not old-fashioned. 'Tis a bright new growth that our forefathers niver knfew. Wanst th' pathrite wuz th' man who shut his teeth and hit. But that crudo ago is happily past. What wuz good enough thin is not good .enough to-day. Wo advance, Jawn: wo have invented advorrtisemonts an' musichalls an' reel nathritism. Iv coorse 'tis well t' fight. It's woll t' lie awake an' think iv th' wifo an' decide t' shoot sthraight an' hit harrd whin th' time comes. Ye may be a pathrite iv a soort if ye do that. But to can't be a reel pathrite onless ye can talk with th' sonorous eloquence iv a dinner gong. An' Crewe, he just uses plain language like a man thinkin' iv facts. He disgusts mo, Jawn.". "But," Mr. Honnossy. dissented, "but Joe Warrd, f'r all his fino talk,-won't thrain us t' fight." "But he reelises th' Ould Counthry's th' Line Mother."