THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 2, Issue 449, 6 March 1909, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. (By M.C.E.) An "interesting object lesson, it is reported, is in. process of arrangement by tno Government, which intends to nm a Statemanaged hospital at Taumarmmi, "with a view to indicating directions in which economy can be practised." Almost any day now ivo may wake up to find ourselves ill tho midst of a, novel and delightful state of things. Sir Joseph Ward will be delivering a series of lectures at the Town Hall on "Prudence," "Thrift," and tho lite, from the tost, "Take heed to tho morrow," with Mr. R. M'Kenzk) in tho Concert Chamber conducting classes in deportment and polite conversation for young ladies. The Trades and Labour Council will confine itself to saying complimentary things about the diftcrpnt Labour leaders, and will give up passing resolutions. Mr. P. J. O'Regan will found a Society for the Discouragement or the iuvil Habit of Writing Letters to the Editor, and tho newspapers, in their turn, will bo nrged by the ltev. D. C. Bates to ceaso wearying their readers by references to the Zoo. ». Sikes will deliver lectures on "Honesty to tho Y.M.C.A. The railways will begin to pay, and the Government, aftor issuing leaflets against extravagant borrowing, will begin to reduce the public debt. And tne British money-lender will die of shock.

The Hanmer correspondent of Tho Press" describes tho discovery at Upper Waiau of "what appears tovbe.' a valuable seam of coal. "At present," he adds, the seam is 15 inches in diameter, but promises to become Westport coal." Despite this specious assurance, it is feared that the coal intends to break its promise and remain Upper Waiau coal.

An exciting cablo message concerning the accident \o km~s wA T&% Castles ends as follows -.—"Both sisters were burned, but not seriously enough to cause any disfigurement. As a matter of fact, they escaped with little more than a severe shock." And, as a matter of fact, if tho cable man had not checked his frankness just in time, the ladies would havo escaped with no advertisement at all.

The friends of the young ladiee, bj tho way, will be delighted at this convincing testimony to tbe progress that they are making in thoir profession. A jewel robbery comes next, we think. A cable message from New York, published to-day, reads as follows:—"Ten thousand persons greeted Jeffries, ex-champion pugilist, in Now York. Ho verballv promised to meet Johnson, but Johnson only, if he can train to his old form. Ho is being banqueted every night." There's dire alarm in Sydney town, And Melbourne's agitated, As each successive course goes down, And each fresh cork goes pop; For Jim, tho man of their desires, Will soon be over-feted:— Australian cables flood the wires. Vociferating "Stop!" IS When Johnson blew hi<? trumpet loud, We said, "This awfu'. nigger Will one day find his empire bowed; So, brothers, hope and pray." And now the hero's come, and lo! His waistline's growing bigger! Awake! Arise! Before thoy blow Our half-seen hope away. At every toast that they propose We thrill with apprehension, At every claim that downward goes We feel a sickoning pang. Onr hearts arc full of anger warm To see his waist's distension As Jim pursues the road to form— From olive to meringue. Stop the dining! Cease tho lunching! Save a raving, helpless nation! For the grin of Johnson, punching At the leather, wider grows; And our pain grows keen and keener As wo watch the transformation . • '.. Of the dons ex machina To a mass of adipose. Excepting by convicted burglars, Judges are everywhere regarded as being extremely unpractical mon. Mr. Justice Cooper is no exception to tho rule. "If you want to read novels," he said to a youth who found that tho path, of glory ofteu leads to tho dock, "why not tako up the works' of Dickens, Thackeray, and Sir Walter Scott? lam sorry to think that these authors are not read by boys now." Really, it is high time that the fossils on the Supremo Court bench wero retired. Does Mr. Justico Cooper not realise- that this ia New Zealand, and the twentieth contury—tho country in which the law of domand and supply was repealed by Mr. Secltlon, and in which even tho law of gravitation is suspect; tho country which has developed to tho point of having Mr. Hogg as a Minister; tho country in which ovon tho merest infant can repeat the ■"lleferee's" account of the Burns-Johnson fightP Doos his Honour realise, that ho comes perilously near to classification by Sir Joseph Ward as a disloyalist when ho feels "sorry" that tho dear little. Now Zealander lias escaped from the musty traditions of tho , past? Will somebody not break tho nows gontly to tho Supreme, Court Bench that this is New Zealand, tho noblest country in tho solar or any other systom, and that the date is tho twentieth century? If it wero not bo sorious—as indicative of a want of intelljnt in our Judgos—it would bo amusing that anybody should expect tho English classics to appeal to tho sons of fathers who have mado Mr. Buddo a Minister.

"Well," said Mr. Dooioy. "I don't think I'll raysort t' vital science aftlior all. I'vo got used t' mo corrns, an' I'd bo lonely without them." "I didn't know 'twud cure corrns, said Mr. Uenncssy. "It can euro things that wild surprise yo, Jawn. l'orrk has been known t' turn into ham ondher th' gazo iv a halor. Vital science ia a wondheri'ul thing, basod on th' etymological current iv radium that percolates through tho lunar thingumebob that has f'r so m.inny centuries escapod th' oyo iv th' ordinary docthor. "Xis tins way. A man goes t' a .haler. 'I'm silffrin',' ho says, 'fr'm compoun' appendicitis. Cure mo,' says ho. Th' halor gazes at him, an' passes his hail' over th' man's lof ear. 'Th' aural bicops is onrcsponaive,' ho says. 'D'yo dhrink champagne?' lio says. 'Vcs,' snys th' poor felly, 'is that th' cause? , 'Ha,' says th' haler, ' 'tis an ohstinato casci,' an' ho sthrokos th' man'gently down th' sido, an' hears .a chink in his pockets. 'A bad caso,' ho says, 'th' corobral combination is athrophied, but a long coorso iv tliratemont will set yo up—a long coorse. Conio,' ho says, 'ivery (lay, an' bring u guinea each tit'no.' llogan had a dilf'roiit expayrionce. Th' haler fixed his oyn on him. 'Do ye livo high?' ho says. 'No,' says Hogan, 'I livo low, f'r I'm out iv wiirrlt.' Th , haler says, 'Mo poor felly,' says he, ' 'tjs hopeless t' threat yo. I wud,' ho says, 'bo wrong t' go on takin' yoro money. (Jo homo an', tako care of yoresilf.' 'I'd give me, las' livo pounds t 1 bo cured,' says Tlogan. 'Lot mo Ink at yo agin,' says th , haler. 'Ha,' ho Hays, wavin' his ban', 'I missed that redox vibration of th' main ganglion. Yo'vo a chniist,' ho says, 'an' though livo ponn'a is little, I'vo taken a likin' t' ye. Wo'll givo a week's threntmonl, hut th' ofFec's won't appear till nox' August, but I'll leavo mo addhross,' Buys ho, 'a lotthcr t' Skagway will find me, , lio snys, 'anny timo.' Thoso linlora, .lawn, don't wiirrk miracles. 'Lot th' quack,' says Hi' haler, 'proton' ho can ouro th' loss iv a leg. I do not profess I' mnko legs grow. 1 end,' ho says, 'grow rich ho makin' impossible promises, but,' says ho, 'I scorrn t' do so. I claim no moro,' says he, 'thin that I can euro cancer, rheumatism, blindness, cholera, paralysis, dhropsy, coiisiiniption, deafness, dumbness, pnoumonia, r.nni|xiun' fractures, an' bankrup'cy, an' all lie inriins iv th' gr'roat science that wiisu given mo f'r th' relief iv mankind.' An' th' crowd rolls up in gr-roat numbers." "Ciin thoy euro tiiinylliin' reely?" asked Mr. llonncssy. "They cna. Tholr throatmwit had luvor ttikd V cure idjiU it baliuoiiiutioni," ..