VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume V, Issue 227, 17 March 1874, Page 6

VARIETIES.

A facetious grocer announces on a .placard at. the door, “A fresh invoiceof. -choice tickers,” when he receives : a now-lot ;of smoked tongues. ~ ~v , “ Have you seen my black-faced antelope?” inquired Mr Leosfcojie; who had "a collection of animals; of his friend Bottleja ! ck. u:! “'No, I haven’t. Whom did your black-faced aunt elope with.?” . ~ .'G o: ' ; “If I am not at.home from the bachelor party to-night at ten o'clock*” said • a,h upland to his wife, “do not wait for me.” .“That T won't,” replied the wife .significantly'; “ I’ll come for yon.” To prevent fUfihuiTy, the gentleman manned so as to be'at home precisely at ten o’clock. * w-J. .' mt “ How did it happen that.-your house was not blown awav by that .hurricane last week?” asked a scientific observer, who was following up the track of a tornado, (if a favuier, whose house lav right in the line of destruction. “ I don’t know,” replied the farmer, “ unless it’s because there’s a heavy mnrtgag(Tort'it."” An amusing incident occurred on the arrival of Sir George Bowen at Beech worth. An old woman, called. Mother Bovlepjnsfc as his. Excellency entered the door qhtbc hotel, took hold of both his hands, and insisted upon dancing a pas with Sir George, much to the amusement of the crowd. Sir George was quite taken aback at so strange a reception, but soon joined heartily in the laugh with the onlookers. Rather.a good story copies from Lyttelton. -1 vessel came into port with a lot of assisted immigrants. Amongothers the.lmmigration Officer had got hold of a very seddy-looking man, and was endeavouring to drive' into him the nature of the hill that was to he signed for the deferred payment of his pas-sage-money. After-expending his powers of explanation upon the unhappy individual, who was taking it, all down with the. usual succession of “Yes—yes—yes,” studiously drawn out, the officer at length' hoped that he now understood the nature of a hill ; “ Well, yes,” said the man, without moving a muscle of his imperturbable countenance, I think I understand the nature of a hill. I was partner in a London firm that failed for £70,000 a few months ago.” The efforts of the officer to look pleasant under the ,circumstances were a failure. • "■■ ■■•