VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 201, 16 September 1873, Page 7

VARIETIES.

The “ Kiss Quadrille” is the fashionable dance in Washington this winter. Tu “ swinging corners.” each gentleman kisses his partner. It is said to he a very agreeable dance. A lady wished a seat. A portly, handsome gentleman brought one and seated the lady. “Oh ! you’re a jewel,” said she. “Oh ! no,” he replied ; “I’m a jeweller ; I’ve just set the jewel.” A Quaker having soil a fine-lookmg hut blind horse, asked the purchaser, “ Well, my friend, dost thou see any fault iu him ?” “ No,” was the answer, “ Neither will he see any fault in thee,” said Broadbrim. Explaining the meaning of the word phenomenon, a lecturer said, “A cow is not a phenomenon, nor is an apple tree 1 hub when you see the cow go up the tree, tail foremost, to pick apples, that will he a phenomenon,” “ I wish yon would not give me such short weight for my money,” said a customer to a grocer, who had an outstanding hill against him, “ And 1 wish you wouldn’t give me such long wait for mine,” replied the grocer, British Nimrod (who has shot tigers in India and lions in South Africa): “The fact is, Herr | Muller, that I don’t care much for sport unless it contains the element of danger.” German Nimrod: “ Ach so! yon arc vont of tainoher? Den you should come and shoot mit me ! Vy, only the other tay I shoodet my broder-in-law I in de shdomag !” The quiet progress of a wedding in a Connoc- | tient village church, recently, was interrupted Iby an amusing incident. In repeating tho ! words, “ If you know of any just cause,” &c., | the minister looked straight at a young man j directly in front of him. The fellow sprang Up j with much haste and trepidation, and blurted lout: “Oh, no, bless me ; not the slightest objection, sir.” [ A Quaker traveller, arriving at an inn, called j for some porter, and observing the pint deficient in i quantity, thus addressed the landlord : “ fray, ! friend, how many butts of beer dost thou draw jin a month?” “Ten, sir.” replied Boniface. | “ And thou wouldst like to draw eleven if thou icouldst?" rejoined Ehenezer. “Certainly!” I exclaimed tho smiling landlord. “ Then 1 will ! toll thee how, friend,” added the Quaker, “fill I thy measures.” At a religious gathering iu Chicago, a few I years since, one of the speakers was the voner* i able Dr D nodell. Broken in mind and body, but ; animated by tho occasion, the aged clergyman said: “Friends. 1 am far upon my journey : toward the Celestial City ; hut I could not help stopping on my ww to attend this meeting in ; Civ cage.” Here a voice from the multitude was heard hv nil ; “Chicago is not on that road ” ! The ell'ct was electrical, cßuemally upon tho 1 noor old gentleman, who was so confused that he could say no more, and was obliged to sit j down.