AMERICAN ITEMS.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 197, 19 August 1873, Page 7

AMERICAN ITEMS.

A Bmbiiry bride, received among her' Xvoddiug gifts a receipted bill of 8 dollars Froth her fathßf,'for gate hinges destroyed xluring the eOnWdig period A man ni\m'eU;^ellogj,ftill of.Ortriosity, interviewed; a. ji* a.,staxe-rfactory at Indianopolis, jusfcto see whether it was going. The saw was Kellogged only for a moment. A San Francisco paper says:—Just what we expected. It turns out that it is the female mosquito that makes all the noise, does all the stinging, and occasions the deplorable amount of profanity wasted on these insects. The majesty of law in Lawrence is illustrated in this classic and forcible manner in which a Judge reproved a witness: " Young man, if you speak that way again, this Court will forget its dignity, and punch you on the snout." A little Concord chap, who lived next door to Emerson, was engaged. one day in digging a hole by the roadside. A wqroMy. trifter, passing by, asked him, "What are you digging after, little boy.?" With gravity he answered, ''After the.lnfinite." - The' Chicago reporter who. annecV witty a ladder, attempted to interview' Long John Wentworth as to the truth of the statement that Horace Greeley once cdled him "a muck-minded slovenly cross be-

tween a yam and a cylinder press" is slowly recovering from his injuries. He says that what John told him is quite unfit for publication;

Cincinnati, is building a huge sausage 1 for the Vienna Exhibition, that will require the Great Eastern to tow it across the ocean, after it has been floated down down the Ohio and the Missisippi to the ■ Gulf. It was made in sections in a'rail- \ wad tunnel, the hogs being driven in by." jf.-e hundred, and then subjected.to hy-

draulic pressure. There is a story of a.doctor-who went to settle in a village.out-West,"and on the first night, of his arrival, was sent for to attend a sick child. He .looked, at the! little sufferer very, .attentively,, and the.u. delivered this oracular opinion:-.".This hyar babe's got the smallpox, and I.ain't posted up on pustules. We must approach" this case? by circular treatment. "Yon give the little'cuss this draught. That'll send,: him into fits. Then send • for me;. I graduated on .fits:'.'■;. : v -";:- - ; ■•.'.'. •'"■'• ? ■>. It is not always fhat a theory can be most clearly Elucidated by'ii practical demonstration.. A -few days, since a .party of gentlemen in a saloon were disputing over the question whether the American system of treating, or the European' system of not treating,, was preferable.. A prolonged argument only proved that the matter could not be proved by talking, and so a practical test was resorted to. First, each man took i drink by himself. Then each man invited a single friend to drink. After that each single. friend returned the. compliment. And. finally each man in the party—there were six of them—asked all the rest to drink. Singularly enough, says a locaTjournal, the result of this apparently fair and impartial test was that, not one. of the party could tell where the discussion originated, or

Iwliat it-was about. ' A Colonial "gentleman, who recently] 'i-rde a trip through the United States.! tnvis describes some of the advantages ofj railway travelling in that happy land :—J "The travelling in Pnlman's palace sleeping cars was.great .fun—such a.glorious muddle night, and morning—ladies and gentlemen dressing and undressing in the most' promiscuous manner. The former don't seem to care a little bit.. One great piece of fun was with a young lady who occupied the top bunk opposite to mine. She called out in the morning to the conductor (a nigger) .to fetch the steps; he did not hear her, and T happened to be l>elow stooping down pulling pn'fny boots, when a bootless' foot was placed on- my. back. I was...firm. She alighted most gracefully, and- apologised for mistaking Inc for the steps. Cf: course I could hot do otherwise tliah look pleased, and offer my neck to the yoke, whenever she might require it*'' • '.":;•' We may as well quote a bit of obituary poetry which recently appeared'in a Philadelphia newspaper, because nothing more Wonderful in the way of rhyme was ever constructed* He re it is: Our little Sallie dfel'tojieaven go, ' Baby life so fleetii*:;'.." She was afflicted with the cerelvo-Siiaal Mpnin'Tis hard to. lose ottr. Sal-taso,^s•.;*,'cg.itls ; But the reflection •swe'qfcis,. ~;• -■,- i: '• That she's gone where there is W cerebrospinal [meningitis, I A lovelier little bit of elegiac poetry we 1 do not remember to have read, albeit the 1 demise of the infant population is continuI ally -calling out that sort of thing.— New I York Tribune,' ' "