Hiram Green, Esq., on Epizooty.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 192, 15 July 1873, Page 7

Hiram Green, Esq., on Epizooty.

[lt may be necessary to explain that Epizooty is the name of the mysterious disease which played such havoc a short time ago among horses in America. 30,000 are said to have died from it in New York alone.] The epizooty has arrived at Skeensboro', bag and baggage. I told my son Adolphus to saw some wood yesterday.

" Father," said he, " I can't, for the sawhorse has the epizooty."

I told him to make a saw-dust poultice and put it on the hind off leg. He informed me that "the legs were all off legs, and the saw had chawed 'em off with his teeth."

My daughter Johauner couldn't do tho washing on Monday. I asked her the reason. " Dad," was her reply, " the clothes-horse has got it bad, and it will soil clean clothes with its nose."

"My daughter," said I, "poultice it with a hatchet, anoint it with kerosene, and lay it in the fire-place and give it a sweat." Every horse-pistol is down with it. The Colts' revolvers are going off, like hot cakes, with it. My brother-in-law has been troubled with nightmares for twenty-five years. Every night they would surround his bed and kick away right lively.

Now they are all sick with epizooty, and they couldn't kick the wing off a sick fly. Neighbour Talcot has a horse who is so lazy that he couldn't urge him faster than a walk. Now the animal runs a regular 2.40 gait—at the nose.

The mayors of a good many cities ought to have the epizooty, for then they couldn't kick bad men out of office. But the thing has some good about it. It is used as a substitute for leather for making harness, for you can't see a horse now without traces of epizooty on him.

I met neighbour Simmons last night. Ho was bundled up and wheezing. "Neighbour, what's the trouble?" said I. " Epizooty." " Not much," said I. "Why]" said he.

" Your ears are too long ; it don't attack your hind. Lightning rods and long ears will keep away lightning and epizooty." As I left him I thought I heard him dislocating the third commandment. Canal horses arc all attacked with it. Were it not for the artists of our illustrated papers, the boats would have to tie up ! The towpath is lined with these artists, who are draw-' iiig the boats with their pencils. I saw a light-haired young damsel hitched to a boat.

"Whence goest thou, sweet toe-headed miss ?" said I.

" I am going to look for amide to rim this old mudsuow —are 3*oll engaged ?" was her reply. And this is how the epizooty has demoralised everybody and everything. The disease is bound to have a good run—at the nose.

Why it is called epizooty no one nose,

A horsepital has been started here by Dr Squills, for epizootics. The chief engineer of that institution is a gay old nag. I called on him yesterday. He received me in a horsepitable manner. " How do you feel, old boss, hay ?" said he, shaking my hand very warm. I was hungry, so I told him: "I kinder felt my oats."

We had some oatmeal pudding and coltsfoot jelly, seasoned with old rye. There is one class of people, who, I hope, will not catch the epizootics ; it is that class who are continually sticking their noses into other people's business.. It would be so unpleasant, having a running nose stuck into one's business.

Let us hope that it has about run its race, and soon wo shall again hear the musical whinner, and see the noble horse laugh once more. Yours on the fashionable hobby, Hiuaji (Jki;k;s, Esi^.