MISCELLANEA.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 185, 27 May 1873, Page 7

MISCELLANEA.

Teacher: "What bird did Noah .send out of the Ail:?" Smallest boy in tbo class (after a pause) : " A dove, sir." Teacher: "Very well. But I thought soma of you big boys would have known that !" Tall pupil : « Please, sir, that boy ought to know, sir, 'cause his father's a bird-ketchor, sir !"— Punch. " A total eclipse of the moon occurred last night, that luminary strictly adhering throughout the different phases of the operation, to the time prescribed in Mackavs Almanac for 1873."—The above extract from a paper published under the auspices of the Honourable the Speaker of the Provincial Council [the Bruce Herald, namely.] is suggestive. Let us hope Mackay willnot be too hard upon the moon for the future. ]f he prescribes its future operations, other lunatics may suffer even though he is satisfied.— Daily Times.

Everybody in the Colonies has heard the story of the bullock-driver whose bullocks understood nothing but swearing. There are various ways of telling it—sometimes the parson merely remonstrates, sometimes he takes the whip himself until he in turn loses patience; sometimes a squatter's lady is implored, at the foot of a big hill, to allow just a few rounds of the only language of command the bullocks will pull to the music of. But however the story j may be gnised and garnished, the ground- : work is always the same ; and we have been amused to see it reproduced by the Paiis correspondent of the Daily Times, in what may be termed the "latest fashion." Chatting about Italy, he says :—" During the government of the Holy See, laws were passed to put clown 'good mouth-filling oaths.' On one occasion, Cardinal di Pietro engaged a vehicle, and to his horror found cabby swore like a trooper, and threatened to have him arrested. ' Eminence,' replied cabby, 'unless I have liberty to swear I cannot control Posinante.' After two hours' resting in the mud and rain, the Cardinal made the sign of the cross, and ordered cabby to proceed on his own con ditions."

Mr Marcus Clarke, writing "to the Warrtmnbool Examiner of the 26th November, thus prognosticates :—"Some terrible revelations will shortly be made in the Court concerning that disgraceful body of religious enthusiasts known as the Carmelites. Not long since an old lady, who by a life of industry and toil had accumulated some £2OOO, was affiliated to the order by a male friend. A week after affiliation she made her will, and a week after making the will' she was found dead in her bed. The fact that the whole of her property was left to the high priest (if I were to mention the fellow's name you would, indeed, be surprised) seems to have aroused the suspicions of her friends, and her sister's husband, who arrived from New Zealand opportunely, caused her body to lie exhumed, and a medical examination held. The surgeons found a knitting n°edle, sharpem d to a fine point, stickinginto the heart of the corpse. The lethal weapon had been driven with devilish precision between the ribs, and death must have bv'en insfantaiK ous. Every effort has been mule, and hitliM-'o successfully, to hush up the affair, one of the suspected parties ijoing so far as to telegraph to London to a personage of the highest rank who is one of their order. It is gratifying to be able to record, however, that the spirit of British justice animated the breast of Mr Mark Lloss, J. P., and a warrant for arrest was privately issued."

The cultivated listener at any of our concerts (says an American writer) cannot fail to be lii-ougbt to a knowledge #f the fact that there are a great many varieties of the same kind of voice. Take, for instance, the soprano, and you will find tha i-p-aking, the squealing, the screaming, the squalling, the squ icking, the, scooping, the timid iiittjr, the terrific sharpe-, and many other vaiieties. Anions altos are the guttural, the sepulchral, the thick, the thin, the betwixt-and-betweeu, and the softsolder alto. Other varieties of course exist which do not require the use of an eartrumpet to enable the listener to distinguish them. Of tenors, the gasping, the Mating, the pipe-stem, the over-the-pitch, the up-the-nose. the crying, the tomcat, and the saw-filing varieties are everywhere to-be nv:»t with. Of all these the "crying-tenor" is certainly the most to be dreaded. It can be employed to advantage at funerals and '■ w; ke-," and even then i s effect is almost heartrending. .Now last, but not least, the basses. Then; is the roaring, the. lunvling, the bellowing, the grain-leathor, the pumpkin stalk, the '•mp'.y barrel, the grave-yard, the down- '•< liar, the sledge-hammer, the wire-edge, the dry-as-dust, the mouldy, the gone to-si-cd, and the blast furnace bass.