A Reporter's Troubles.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 180, 22 April 1873, Page 7

A Reporter's Troubles.

A correspondent of the Canterbury Pra--, who has a very neat way of “ putting things,” thus describes the not altogether imaginary adventures of a representative of the press ill search of the daily news with which his clients require to be fed An event has lately occurred which jarred me somewhat. A reporter of this paper went away for a day or two, and 1 thought I might take his place for that time. The editor of this paper said I might go and try and pick up what I could. I wrote several columns on different subjects, but on producing them for the editor’s inspection, he refused to publish them. He said the style was flowing and original, but it was a bit too flowing. Ho said that if he engaged me for a week the paper would be mined. As I represented to several of my friends that I was a reporter, and as 1 have been treated to a number of ill-timed funniments from them on account of the non-appearance of my local news, he has allowed me to give a short account of my experiences, and to reproduce some of my locals. I leave it to a generous public whether I have been treated fairly or not. Just peruse the below, my festive readers, and judge for yourselves. 1 thought that reporting was easy enough,; but, having tried it, I can assure you that it: is just the very reverse. I rubbed along! fairly enough, myself, but I got a bit mixed; up after all. I commenced in the morning I by putting about a ream of reporting paper \ in each pocket, which gave me the appearance | of a journalistic Issachar. 1 borrowed shillings from various members of the staff, to! which I felt it an honour to belong, and made a start. I started by standing in a graceful attitude at the door of the Press office. As | the sporting correspondents say, I “got| away very badly,” for while standing there, | a lean-looking party, with a face liky a sulky | morepork, walked up and asked me why on earth he hadn’t got his Press that morning. I Imitating as well as 1 could that sauve man-1 ner for which your employes arc so justly I famous, I told him that it was no affair of! mine ; that I was not connected in any way 1 with the ‘ runner’ department, but that 1 1 would have the boy drawn up and quartered j before mid-day. Contrary to my expecta- : tion he did not ask me what 1 was going to I have to drink, but took bis name off'the sub-! scribers’ list, and called me a chattering;

I idiot. I next went spar-gandering, by which i , 1 1 mean I. travelled about. 1 asked everyone i ! j 1 met, “ What’s the news !” And everybody! answered, “Well, nothing fresh.” By the} living jingo, [ thought, if this is to be it, 11 shall sub-let this job. I always had thought | that picking up news was as easy as shelling | peas, but here was 1, after four mortal hours, I without a blessed word. Why did not some i good-natured citizen set his house on fire, or j murder his wife and family, and bring peace) to the soul of a striving reporter. I was j 1 about to return empty handed, a sadder, but a wiser man, when I met old Sh bberilinhs,; ■who te’d me that some new sheep had arrived ; of rather a superior breed. 1 immediately j darted off to interview them. Between our-1 selves, I couldn’t see much difference between I them ami any other sheep, hut this is my I report of them It is always pleasing to be | able to chronicle the advent of new strains of j blood, whether of horse, sheep, or ox. It is \ therefore with feelings of no ordinary satis-1 faction that we inform our readers that Mr ! Cokatwo has succeeded in introducing a mob I of excellent sheep. The animals in question ! possess all the distinguishing charactei istics of | the Cotswokl and the Clychsdala. Tlunitrh i apparently pure bred, hypercritical people) might perhaps distinguish a slight strain of: the Suffolk Punch, but it is so si ght as t > he S almost imperceptible. We have no hesita- i tion in saying that this importation of Eom- j ney Marsh will prove a great acquisition to j all breeders of Rambouillet shorthorns.” I Although frankly allowing that the mind of ' yours truly is not built upon a bucolic basis, I I think the above was a very fair notice, j The editor, however, tore it up without say- j ing a word. i * * * * * -x- * i I will row describe perhaps one of the most j painful experiences of my reporting career, j j I went to the Board of Education in the I I afternoon, and to the Magnet troupe in the i evening after the/etc. 1 wrote, as I thought, 1 really nice reports of each event. Some mis- i take must have occurred somewhere, for the! following paragraph will chow that some: beast—(excuse me) —must have tampered with j | my copy. Whether the compositorial blokes : I who set up the matter or the ar .li villa u who j made up the paper, was to blame, I cannot j say, but at any rate here is the result of what; j would have been two journalistic triumphs: I “ A letter was received from the chairman of the local committee of the Balivimoly i I school, stating that tenders would shortly be | received for an extraordinary exhibition of j grace and agility on the part, of the lair perj forme r, rendering it difficult for the spectator j to imagine, that it was necossarv to erect apump on the school premises, as Frank, handling bv the upper bar, susbuned on Ids lues ! the whole weight of the loov of the master’s j house, which requiml a new cook ug range, | thus ell dil ug the fair Lottie to achieve her ; daring flight from the gallery to the quarti r-1 i acre reserved by flu; Government for the no I of the Magnet Troupe. It. was also staffed i that the master had rc sqgm d Ins a]pom tin cut [ in cons‘finerco of Miss Fannv Sara ] aviuu ! received a quad up!;encore for luriu.mioilfio rendering of “Goodbye, (’bar! e.” A slower of bouquets rewarded {hee ,! brt« of th.c ;:ra“eful schoolmaster, who slated that he should , sue the local committee for his 1 ist quarter's ’ salary, the consequence of which would be that the master vuuld repeal his sa.irvdluua'

pedestal dance, subject of course to the apP 1 oval of the Uoiud of Education. Alter .sonic discussion the opinion of tlio Inspector w;is iiskid. Ho stilted that in consequence of tlio adniimblc time thoy kept it was impossible to say whether one or two performers were dancing, therefore lie could not go to the extra expense of providing a roastingjack for tlie masters house ; but lie certainly considered Lottie was entitled to a probationary certificate, as over lot) children were , educated at the doors, long before they were open. He was happy to bo able to state that he hud lately examined a candidate for the appointment of schoolmistress, whose general efficiency was of such a character as to stamp her as the first female acrobat in the world.” Can you imagine my feeling on perusing the foregoing paragraphs, after their being returned to me,by the editor/ Did space permit 1 could give further specimens of my reporting experiences ; but I fancy the above will be quite enough to convince the impartial reader that my talents did not receive that meed of commendation to which 1 think they were fairly entitled.