Yankee Lawgivers.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 178, 8 April 1873, Page 7

Yankee Lawgivers.

Under the heading of " A Pretty Fix for a Senator," the Washington correspondent of the Chicago Tribune writes:—"l have obtained a complete narrative of the celebrated fight between the Hon. Zach Chandler, of Michigan, and Mr Hannegan, of Indiana, son of the ox-Senator Hannegan, who was Minister to Prussia. It happened in the National Hotel, at meal-time. Zach took advantage of the fortuitous concourse of several persons to abuse Voorbees loudly, while in his presence. His remarks resounded all over the dining-room, such as ' traitor,' ' scoundrel,' Ac, plentifully consorted with I oaths. 'Dan,' said Hannegan to Voorbees, ' I wouldn't stand that foul-mouthed vituperation.' ' I won't,' said Dan, and he walked over to Chandler, and struck him a backhanded blow which resounded like a whipcrack. Chandler, who had got up wrong end foremost, immediately struck out at Vouchees, and Mr Hannegan, interposing, remarked : 'Gentlemen, this is not the place for personal collision—a dining-room where i you disturb other people. Think of positions, | and do not disgrace your constituents.' I ' Who the h—ll are you ?' exclaimed Chandler, and with that he struck Mr Hannegan with all his force on the side of his face, j Hannegan was stunned by the blow, which he had not expected, being a peace-maker and not a fighter; but be picked up a molasses pitcher and brought it down on Zach's fore- j head so that he was covered with blood and molasses, which, strange as it may appear, seemed rather to improve his appearance. He took up the nearest jug he could find to strike Hannegan with it; but Hannegan! ducked his head, and Zach struck an entirely j harmless person in the abdomen, who forthwith got the cramps and walked out of the! room on his belly. Hannegan now said ho! understood Zach meant business, so be took j the great patriot by the top-knot, and pushing bis head clown toward the floor, he dragged him along, planting blows all over his fron- j tispiece, and nearlv making an intelligent I countenance out of the Senator's. Much spent, gasping, and frothing, Zachariah fol- l lowed his hair across the floor, and several, ladies rushing in, cried: 'Oh ! clont kill that man !' ' No, ladies,' said Hannegan, ' I just j want to keep him from injuring me, and if you will take care of him I shall let him go immediately.' With this Hannegan gave ; Zach a last shot, which, effectually finished! him, and the Michigan Ajnx rolled over on his back and was wheelbaxrowod away by! Borne of his servants." I

• Johial Slab-on the Marriage State. Ist. Just marriod. Destined to linger in , clover, now-mown hay, and such herbage 3 from nino to twelve months. / 2nd. Some black, rascally, stormy night, i about the close of the above epoch, you are t turned out into streets all ponds and millt race 3 ; or, amid snow eighteen inches deep i and drifting like blazes, and told to run for i the doctor. When you get home, a little rodt flannel looking thing, about the size of (i 1 merino potatoe, undoubtedly awaits you. i They will call it a baby. Packed up with it .- you will find the first real squalls of married - life. You can bet on that. ; 3rd. Paregoric, and soothing syrup, and i catnip tea, and long flannel, and diaper stuff, • and baby colic, and more squalls. They will • come along, too. In fact, will become just ; as much at home in the house as dinner. ' 4th. One of the days in—- " The wee sina' hours ayont the twal'," ( you turn out again. * This time you are found barefoot, distractedly rocking that baby back , and forth, and bobbing it up and down in a cane-seat chair ; a shivering, icy, disconsolate sense of dampness all about you ; seat hard, only a cotton shirt or such a matter nearer than the bed to keep you warm—roaring, musically as a wild bull in a slaughter-yard-^ "We're coming, Father Abraham* Three hundred thousand more." Baby all the the time yelling like mad with I the belly-ache ; while Mary Ann, up to her 1 nose mtb e warm bed-clothes, yelps <>ut every ; now and then impatiently, and just at the | wrong time, "Trot him faster, Samuel." j And you trot him. Ah, how you do trot j hiuu If you could only trot the wind out so ! far that he could never get any bade again, | or break his back, or neck, or something] | you would be immeasurably happy: But no. j The little innocent is tougher than an indiaI rubber car spring. Just as you are about j giving up, concluding that you must freeze ; i that there will certainly have to be a funeral j in the house inside of thirty-six hour.,, baby | wilts from sheer exhaustion, and then with teeth chattering like a M'Cormiek reaper. | you crawl in by Mary Ann again and try to I sleep. j sth. Gradually you glide away in a tangled maze of cherry lips, ice, steam-whi stie- | voiced babies, dimpled cheeks, more ice, May j flowers, skating weather, camomile, Jockey | Club, sleigh rides, crinoline, immense as the i old bell at Moscow, Indian ambuscades, chigj nous like door mats, awful Grecian bends, j angels, snow-banks, and for y other cheerful j reminiscences. : i | Oth. A snort, a tin-ash, a wild throwing up- ! ward of little arms and legs, and then, keen > | and shrill came that terrible " Ah, waah ! j j Ah, waah !" again. I guess you wake up. don't you l " Get the paregoric and a teaspoon -quick," says Mary Ann in a sharp staccato tone, and don't you get it ? In just three-eighths of a second you are a Grecian bend.out there on the cold floor, dropping paragoric in a teaspoon. Hurry ! Oh no! Oircumstances are not such as to make you hurry any. Gracious little Peter, he is describing diabolical curves with ail the arms and legs he's got, and screaming one hundred pounds to tiie square inch, and Mary Ann, she is rearing around there in the bed, making a rocking-chair of her back, and yelling j bye-o like a wild Camanche on the war-path, that's all. Nice, ain't it? And then, to think, that as years roll on there has got to be more and more yet of just such distressed work. 7th. There conies the washing days, too, and the spring cleanings and movings—when your books and papers, and custard pes, and carpets, and plug hats, and molasses, and feathers, and baby fixings, and pancake batter all get stirred up together ; when Mary Ann, dress tucked up, handkerchief around her head, broom in one hand, mop in the other, pretty as a cistern pole, temper searching as ' a dose of ipecac, goes about soothing spiders' j webs and dirt, and grease spots, and such j things; while Bridget, the inevitable Bridget, ] slopping soapsuds all over everything, brings j up the rear. Bth. Then there is that mother-in-law of yours, and the six or eight fema'e cousins. '' They have just come over to visit you a bit, ! and each one has brought all her trunks and : card boxes along. And that, too, when you I could easily have spared all but the mother-! in-law. 9th. And so 1 mighl. run on and on. These things are thicker in such places than little j toads on a country road after a summer! thunder shower. You can't dodge them. ■ They come with married life just as sure as • death and taxes. Pad, very bad, my friend. J Only one condition much worse in the world ■; that I know of. And that is (I don't mind . telling you) the single condition.