A Humorous Witness.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 176, 25 March 1873, Page 7

A Humorous Witness.

i We clip the following amusing sketch from j- an exchange : , The next case called on showed some one I to bo remarkably thick ; either the witness “ or the counsel. It is not important as to what the action was about, but the witness ( had given his evidence in chief, and was being cross-examined by one of the lights of the bar. Yon will see the man came from ilie Emerald Isle, but was not so green as he looked. There was a merry twinkle in his l eye, and the cut of his month indicated iirmj ness, as though he were not to be beaten. ’ Counsel : Now, my man, you have given ' your answers to my friend’s questions in a , very straightforward manner, and the few I ' shall ask you I hope will be as direct. Witness : Always supposing you put ’em straight. r Counsel : You are a Roman Catholic ? Witness : Am 1 1 . Counsel : Are you not ? ! Witness : Yon say lam ! ' Counsel: Come, sir, answer—what’s your ' religion ? Witness : The true religion. (Laughter.) Counsel : What religion is that ? Witness: My religion. | Counsel : And what's your religion ? j Witness :My mother’s religion I 1 Counsel ; And wliat’s your mother’s religion ? ’Witness ; She took whisky in her tay. (lb >ars of laughter.) Counsel : Come, now, I’ll find you out, cunning as you are. You bless yourself, don't yon I Witness ; When I’m done with you I think ; I ought. Counsel: What place of worship do you go | to I ■ Witness : The most couvainyant. Counsel : But of what persuasion are you 1 : Witness :My persuasion is that you won’t find it out. (Laughter.) j Counsel : What is your belief ? Witness : My belief is that you arc puzIzled. (More laughter.) | Counsel: Do you confess ? Witness : Not to you. j Counsel: Come, now 1 have you. Whom ! would you send for if you were going to die ? j Witness :Dr Growlin. i Counsel: Not for the priest ? i Witness : I must get a messenger. Counsel: Confound your quibblings! Tel! : me, then, what your opinions arc—your con- ; j scientions opinions, I mean, i Witness: They are the same as my land- i lord’s. (Continued laughter.) Counsel; And what arc your landlord’s! ; opinions I I | Witnes : Faith ! his opinion is that 1 won’t | I pay him the last half-year’s rint, ard I'm of j | the same opinion myself. (Roars of laughter, j during which the counsel scratched his horse-1 hair.) j Counsel: T insist, sir, upon your answering I me at once ; are you a Roman Catholic. i I W itnes : I am. (More laughter, in which | | the Court joined.) j Counsel : And pray, sir, why did you not j | tell me before, and not waste the time of the ■ court in the way you have ? Witness : Because you never axed me. ; Counsel: I did, sir. "Witnes3: Indade you didn't. I appeal to ; thorn gentlemen there [the reporters]. You | S'rid 1 was a great many things, but till nm\ ! i you never axed me. \ou began with putting | : cross-questions, and I bate you by giving) crooked answers, thinking I would cut my cloth by your pattern, and if the coat, when made, did not fit ye, say it was your fault and not mine. Counsel : You can sit down now. Witness : Thank yo, sir, an’ I hope we may meet again, when ye feel disposed for another bit of a set-to. Counsel; Silence, sir, and go to your place.