LIGHTS AND SHADES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 168, 28 January 1873, Page 6

LIGHTS AND SHADES.

By Nestor. What a queer thing is vanity, and how it flourisheth! In all sorts of odd ways it shews itself, and crops up in all sorts of odd quarters, —often where it may be least expected, and where one may well look for something else. One reads in Dunedin papers how it flatters a worthy individual in that city to be called the " City Watchdog," how well he is pleased when his barking is commended, and how his joy knoweth no bounds when he is told he hath made a good bite. And no less a person than the Mayor of the same city cannot give two pounds to a poor widow who has been burnt out, without ostentatiously parading his generosity in the newspaper. Truly, "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity," as an ancient and respectable author named Jeremiah once wrote. The other day I saw an envelope bearing a printed address as follows (of course, I disguise the name) : —"Killar, F.5.A.,M.P., Consulting Engineer, Dunedin, Otago, Jf.Z." Is o bloated aristocrat, remember ; as he once had to admit when crossquestioned by a solicitor in a Dunedin Court. Well, certainly, a man may have a right to sign his name as he pleases ; but one would like to know how this gentleman came by the initials, M.P., or what they stand for ] Generally speaking, Member of Parliament is understood ; and as he once was a member of the Otago Provincial Council, we may conclude that he has conveniently forgotten the concluding consonant by which the Councillors usually denote their honour. But the cream of it is that the gentleman has no right to the initials at all, not having held a seat in the hall of wisdom for the last couple of years.

So his Excellency was mightily pleased with the Wakatip scenery, was he? Generally speaking, I can't say that I enjoy scenery greatly, unless one of two things is a concomitant: I'm speaking now of scenery you have to journey to. When you reach your stand-point, and while you are feasting your senses outwardly upon what is spread before, around, and above you, don't forget the inner man. A nice clean spread upon the lovely grass of biscuits and cheese, and Bass's best bottled, a little cold fowl, and a few other such etceteras, are astonishing aids to the enjoyment of scenery. If all these are wanting, there is only one thing remaining that can enable you to appreciate the beauties ef Nature as you ought. And that one thing is, to let oft' a joke. Now, I don't know whether Sir George Bowen had the cold fowl —but he had his joke. By some means, his Excellency was led into the mistaken belief that the horse lie rode up Ben Lomond was " Dragon." If some person told him this to hoax him into the belief that trouble had been taken to provide him with the racehorse of that name, then such person may be forgiven. Or if he were so hoaxed with an anticipation of the joke, and so of a favourable verdict on the scenery, then the hoaxer deserves the "freedom of the city of Queenstown in a g-M box." For the Governor was delbe-ed <f his Utile joke to in; following effect : that it was a long time srace George and the Dragon had been seen in such close companionship. Granted that he had the eatables, it's little wonder the Governor enjoyed the scenery.

While hanging around the Court-house the other day, I heard that a case of nose-pulling was "on the boards ;" so I went inside and listened. One man swore positively that on a certain occasion the defendant took hold of his (complainant's) nose and gave it a twist. Immediately afterwards, the defendant took the oath and denied point blank that he even touched the complainant's nose. There were no other witnesses, so the plaintiff was nonsuited. Which was the liar / Who knows?

"Once upon a time," it is said, a certain Tom Pepper was kicked out of a hot place for telling lies. If the statement is true, I believe the party is in Cromwell at the present moment ; and I'll tell you why 1 think so. On the occasion of the Governor's second visit to Cromwell, his Excellency went io look at the Bridge— our Bridge, I mean. While gazing in silent awe at the seething to.rent b- low, an irrepressible individual, burning with the desire to say something prodigious, stepped forward and solemnly assured the Governor that no less than one HTTNDKBD AND FIFTY POUNDS worth of dins were deposited in the found::t'on-stone of the Bridge at the time it was laid ! Sir George gulped down the potion with a good grace ; lint naively remarked, in reply, that no doubt the knowledge of such a fact would induce a large amount of prospecting in the vicinity of die Bridge. If that man was not Tom Pepptr, lie must have been Jack Pepper; anyhow, the party puts J.P. after his signature, and the initials stand for either Jack Pepper or Jiutiee of the Peace.