MISCELLANEA.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 165, 7 January 1873, Page 7

MISCELLANEA.

Dbpozetions.—Josh Billing;;, being duly sworn, deposes as follows : —That, moste men had ruther sa a smart thing than tew clow a good one. That, backsliding is a big thing, espeshila on ice. That, yu kant judge a man by his religgun eny move than yu kaii judge hiz shurt bi the size ov the collar and ristbands. That, the devil iz alwus prepared tew sec koropany. That, " ignoranse iz bliss," ignoranse of sawing wood for instance. That, nienny will fale tew be saved sinipla bekause tha haint got ennybhiug tew saive. That, the vai'tues ov woman are awl her own, but her frailitics hav bin taught her. That, men ov genius are like eagles, tha live on what tha kill, while men ov talents are like crows, tha live on what haz bin killed for them. That, some people are fond ov bragging about their ansesstors, and their grate descent, when in fact, their grate descent iz jist what's the matter with them. That, a woman kant keep a sokret nor let ennybody else keep one. That, a grate menny folk have bin eddikated oph their feet. Barmaid: "We never serve anybody who's had sufficient; you've taken too much already ." Thirsty Customer : " You'll 'xshcushse me, niavam ! I may'vo 'ad too mush—(hie) —bu' L 'aven't 'ad enough !" Josh Billings in his directions "How to pick a good boss," says, "Good horses are skavse, and good men that deal in enny kind of horses, are skarscr. 'An honest man iz the noblest work ov God.' This famus saying was written, in great anguish of heart, by the late Alexander Pope, just after buying a good family boss." Advertising is the royal road to wealth. The next great step is to be sure and pay the printer. If yon want to borrow money—if you want to lend money —if you want a house or store to rent—if you have one cow to sell, —advertise. If your horse, pig, cow, colt, sheep, oxen, or husband go astray, advertise them right off, and don't run the chance of losing them altogether, or having to pay as much as they are worth in charges for their keep. If you are a shoemaker, tailor, blaek- ' smith, or any other kind of a useful mechanic, i show people that you arc not ashamed of being a mechanic, by advertising. If yon keep J a hotel, and more especially if you are cntcrI prising enough to go in for threepenny drinks, j make it known. When people see a man I advertise, they know he is a business man. The world is full of folks who want. Some want to sell, some want to buy; and the only way to meet these wants and make money is to advertise. Advertising is like honesty, it pays well if followed up. Not Faji Wrong, Pkkhafs.— "iEgles," |in the Australasian, tells the following:— i When a number of clerical representatives were about leaving South Australia, for the Anglican Conference in Sydney, one of tho number, who "has a, loyal love for a sovereign," sought to obtain some abatement in j the passage-money for a quantity. "There are so many of us going to the Conference—can't you take us cheaper?" pleaded the dignitary ; " wo have two bishops, one dean, one archdeacon, one stipendiary magistrate, one justice of the peace, four ladies, and one servant." The steam-packet agent looked doubtful. After reading up his instructions, j however, a brilliant thought struck him. " Oh, yes, we can manage it, 1 think ; we'll I put you down a; a theatrical company."