VARIETIES..

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 162, 17 December 1872, Page 7

VARIETIES..

V*. Int is the difference between an unmarried niarried l.t ly ? One is a-miss and the other a-mtss-is. Another fellow gone up for pulling a. gun out of a waggon muzzle end foremost. Bill Jones of Cherokee county. 1 Ise impecunious market-gardener who wants to know how to start a little nursery is strongly advised to get in utied. A vdcrgjman said that he addressed his congree.d ion of ladies and gentlemen only as brethren, beeinso the bie hmi ‘‘embraced’' the ladies. *

A good many Consumptive people go to live i:i Minnesota, and we read that “Minnesota has more men running upon one lung than any other •s ate,”

\ oung Joe says there is one “right” on which a woman cannot entrench—namely, the glorious boyish privilege of standing on one’s bead and tinning sonieisaults.

A New Yolk paper has issued the following “ lost warning —“ \\ e caution four black cats that are continually serenading in the back shed that there is a sausage shop two doors to the right.”

“ Mr Smith, 1 wish to speak to you a moment privately. Permit mo to take you apart.”Smith (who wasn’t the least bit frightened): < crtaii. \, sir, it you 11 piomise to put me together again.”

A t onneettent papem tells tins story of a new boy in the Sunday school : -The precious youth wns asked who made tlie beaut ful hills about them and rcm.-uked that he did not know, ns ins parents had only removed into the town the da y before I We (Mu iail I Voi'/il) take the folio winy from the Harvard Atlromtt, and recommend it as a college song The human lungs reverberate sometimes with great Velocity, 'ATie.i windy individuals indulge in much verbosity ; > iiev have to twirl the glottis sixty thousand times a minute, Ami push and punch the diaphragm as though the deuce was hr it. ('horns : ’Hm pharynx now gees up ; the larynx with a si-m. Kjce s a imte from out the throat, pushed bv the diaphragm. I ife's brightest Hour.—Xot long since I met a gentleman who M as assessed fm-more than half a million. Silver -was in his hair, care upon his brow, and ho stooped beneath His burden of wealth. V.'o wore speaking of that period of iifo when we had realised the most perfect enjoyment, or, rather.when we found the happiness nearest to be un alloyed. “ I tell yon,’’ said the million, aii e. “when was the happiest hour of my life. At

the ago of onc-and-twenty 1 had saved lip 8(10 dob 1 was earning n()0 dol. a year, and my father did not takeitfiom me, only requiring that f should pay for my board. At the age of twentv-two [ had procured a ] rotty cottage just outside the city, | was able to pay two-thirds of the value down, and also to furnish it respectably'. 1 was married on Sunday- a Sunday in dune—at my fathers house. My wile had come to me poor in purse, but rich in the wealth of her womanhood 'I ho Sabbath and the Sabbath night wo passe 1 beneath my father’s house, and on Monday morning I wmt to my work, leaving mother and sis'er to help in preparing my honor, ( n Monday evening, when the labours of the day wore done, I \m nt not to the paternal shelter, as in the past, but to my own house—niv own borne. The holy atm-•sphere of that hour seems to surround me now m mv memory. I opened the door of my cottage and entered. T laid my hat on the little stand m the led*, and passed on in the kitchen— mv kitchen and dining-room was all in one then. I pushed open the kitchen door and was-in heaven ! The table was set against, the wall—the owning meal Mas ready—mopaved by the hands of her who had come to be m ■ helpmate in do-d, ns well as in nameand by the table wiMi a throbbing, expectant look upon her lovely, loving face, stood mv wife. 1 tried to speak and could not. I could only clasp the waiting angel to mv bosom, thus showing the ecstatic burden of my heart. The re -rs have passed—long, long years—and worldly wealth has flowed in upon me, and I am honored and envied ; but—as true as heaven—l would give it all—every dollar—for the joy of the hoar of that, dune evening in the long. lon - n0.”.- >'- V:rk ' ° °