SELECT POETRY.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 160, 3 December 1872, Page 7

SELECT POETRY.

— +. THE FIRST PROBLEM. The Soliloquy of a Rationalistic Chicken By S. T. Stone, B.A.

Most strange I Most queer,--although most excellent a change Shades of the prison-house, ye disappear ! My fettered thoughts have won a wider range, And, like my legs, are free > No longer huddled up so pitiably : Free now to pry and probe, and peep and peer, And make these mysteries out. Shall a free-thinking chicken live in doubt ? For now in doubt undoubtedly I am. This problem's very h-avy on my mind, And I m not one to either shirk or sham; I won't be blinded, and I won't be blind. Now, let me see : First, I would know how did I get in there ? Then, where was I of yore ? Besides, why didn't I get out before ? Dear me ! Here are three puzzles (out of plenty more) Enough to give me pip upon the brain ; But let me think again. J How do T know I ever ima inside ? i Now I reflect, it is, I do maintain, | Less than my renson, and beneath my pride, j, To think that I could dwell ; In such a paltry miserable cell

! As that old shell. |Of course 1 couldn't ? How could / have lain, j Body and beak and feathers, legs and wings, I And my deep heart's sublime hna»inin s, | In there? i I meet the notion with profound disdain ; | It's quite incredible ; since 1 declare j (And I'm a chicken that you can't deceive) j What 1 can't undenstand I won't beliere. ; Where did I come from, then ? Ah ! where, in deed ? I This is a riddle monstrous hard to read. | 1 have it ! Why, of course, All things are moulded by some plastic force, ! Out of some atoms somewhere up in space, Fortuitously concurrent anyhow: There, now ! That's plain as is the beak upon my face. I What's that, 1 hear? ; My mo'diet cackling at me ! Just her way, ! So prejudiced and ignorant, / say ! 'So far behind the wisdom of he day. | What's old I can't revere. . Hark at her : " You're a silly chick, my dear • I Thai's quite as plain, alack ! | As is the piece of shell upon your back !" j How bigoted ! upon my back* hide d ! j __ I don't believe it's then-, i For I can't sep it; and Ido declare, ' For all her fond deceivin', j What I oih't m-, I nerer will beliere in !

I Barney Geoghegan's Maiden Speech in the House of Commons. (By the Ant/,,,,-,,/ (Jinx's Buby.) Oeh ! but the Mouse was ;i pictur that same afthernune uic mushun was to come on. The lobbies was full, an' the quantity ov numbers that wint into prayers was beyant the averige. " 'Tis by prayers ye get a sate in the Lower House, as well as yer reward in a higher place," says my friend, Misther M'(j -. The binches on both sides was filled. Misther Davy and Misther G n sat facin ache oder widout a wink. Why sure, wid half the falius them men has betune them, we'd be fightin in Ireland wid soords and pistols! At last, whin the questions was conclooded, the dark at the table called out—" Mister Geoghegan !" an' I rose on me legs, after puttin' me hat undher me sate this time. I'd bane considherin the properust way of com mencin, an' 1 bowed till the Spaker ; but before I could open me month, shure the houl House began to " yaw-yaw" like a pack of bonus.

"Misther Spaker," savs I, "I've got a spache till deliver; but," says I, "will ye plazc kape the House quiet while ] deliver it r says 1.

As they all wint on laughin more nor heore, I thought I'd take no notis of their bad lanners, so I raised me voice to thehoighest litch, and began me spache—ye see it was lather O'Swill's spache, only I'd got it by hart.

j "Misther Spaker—this is a green day in jtlj history ov ould Oireland. Wan of her i wkest sons, inspoircd wid no native eligance stlrong in no strength but the glorious might ov,rutl), liberty, an' right, stans here to-day befre yes all till protest in the sight of hiven age the injustice ov centuries. Tis the deaVknell ov Sassenach tyranny," says J, jwidj shout, "I'm going to sound to-night jwidi these four walls. The hand ov desI thinjhas already written upon thim the fate of th English Bellshazur (the yaws and the jlaughn was deafenin, but I sthrove agen them wid all nic lungs), an' out of the j funeral pire ov Sassenach ambishnn shall j rise th Phanix ov Oirish freedom wid halin i in its Tuigs !" . _ Betue the yellin an' laughin, 'twasn't possible t( Bay another wurd for five minnits, an' I warthat dry wid shoutin that I says to 'the Spa'fer as sune as I could hear meself, j " Bedd, Misther Spaker, if I'm to go on jthiswayrll require some stimulant. Will ye sind oi to Tully O'More's nevvev at the | counther it some whisky an' could wather I"

The Srier timed to stan up, but he couldn't fc laughin, an' the House was dissolved in ysterics. I dethannined to stan it no longe

"Will y be quiet, wance ?" says I, but | sorra the biof notis they took ov me. " WiU ye* quiet twice ?" says I, wid the J same effect. j "Will ye ie quiet three times ?" savs I, | whin the Ilqse shook an' ehivored like a ; cornfield in anunderstorm. I " Thin," sag T, solemnly, " Barney Oeog began, wid th help ov the Virgin Mary, do |ytr dcwty ;" a' I tcok "IT me coal, an'givui

wan bounce into the middle of the floore, I sazed the grate gouldeii mace out ov its nick, an' swingin it roun me head, shouted : " Oireland fur iver, an' death to the Sassenach !"

'Tvvas a heavy insthniment that same niace. But whin I got it swingin, the cinfuahun in the House was tirrihle. Misther D y made the first boult to the right, and Misther (5 nto the left, followed by the Spaker himself an' the claries, an' all the binches began to impty after thiui in the twiuklin ov an eye. Wid wan blow, I smashed the box to the fore ov the Prime Ministhor's sate, ah' thin turned roun to see how many ov me counthrymen had rose to me support ; but the cowardly thraitors had all scattered along wid the other numbers, lavin me an' the mace to the possesshun ov the House. Whilst I was thinkin what to do wid me victory, suddintly ivery doore in the place opened, and polishmen began to swarrum in on every side. There was two or three cumin in from the bar, all' I made a lape at them, swingin the big mace, thinkin to smash them intirely, but not bein used to it, it was that heavy it carried me clane over, an' I fell fiat on me face.

Ov course the cowardly spalpeens sazed me in a momint, an' tied me bans behint me back. Thin the Sarjint-at-Arms, a little jintleman, wid silk stockins an' a soord an' buckles, came in, after he bein wan ov the first to run away, an' put his ban' on me shoulder, an' says he to me "You are in my custody for a breach of the peace, and contempt of the House." " If it's contimpt ov the House," says I, "ye might have taken me up for the same the day afther I came intil it."

Baby Show in Scotland, A baby show was recently held in Dundee i Cattle Market. Mr Cat-swell, the proprietor | of Vaughan's auction establishment, was the | director of the exhibition. He it was who offered a prize for the heaviest baby, one for the handsomest baby, and one for the best dressed baby, and who thereby caused all the commotion. About a score were selected out of the forty-six entries, and displayed on the platform of his caravan. The cheers of the crowd as the "little dears" were trotted out were hearty in the extreme, and the laughter was not less so. All the children had to be under 12 months old, and it was intimated that they would be judged- " in proportion to their age." The winner of "an elegant silver-plated tea and coil'ee service,'' which was the prize for the heaviest baby, was Master John Dewar, five months old/ Master John weighed 38Jlb. He was stoutish and had good bone. The young gentleman who was allotted the enviable position of being the handsomest baby, was Master John Mmto. His age was stated to be five months, and his weight 3(iilb. He was not very fat, nor was lie very thin. Surely, however, this award was a mistake. Were there no girls—we beg pardon, we forgot that vulgar word is now obsolete—were there no " young ladies" among the competitors I In all gallantly one would have thought this prize would have gone to one of them. Evidently, Mr Carswell had intended the prize for a "lady" when he selected " a magnificent silver teapot," as the article. The best-dressed baby was declared to be Master Forrest, He'had on a scarlet dress trimmed with black velvet, and fortius he was awarded "a splendid silver cruet." His age was also five months, and his weight :>4lb.

The Waikivi Murder. From the report in tlie Southland Times of the trial of Mrs Witting for the murder of her three children, we make the following extracts :

Annie Witting, 13 years of age, a daughter of the prisoner, stated that on the morning of the 19th October, the family had breakfast at seven o'clock, her mother going about her ! duties as usual. Her mother and father had some words. Her mother wanted her father I to take a constant job at Mr Rudder's. Her father said he did not want it. There was no quarrel, Her father and mother had been living on good terms. (Being admonished by the counsel to tell the truth, the witness said in reply to the Judge that they quarrelled sometimes.) A few angry words passed. His manner was angry when lie spoke to her, and her manner was angry when she spoke to him. He was swearing, and east up things that had happened before. He sad she had been spending move money than she had need to. Was quite certain he said nothing about the baby. After breakfast lur father left for Ins work. Her mother went about her work as usual all day, and made no ir - usual remark. At four o'clock, she said she was going down the tramway to look after a eow. She told the little children to go with her, Augusta, Freddy, and Charley; and Jo! nny was in her arms. There was nothing unusual in her manner. Witness s-lid her sister Lina remained in the house. Augusta returned, more thai! half an hour af'-r, all wet, and frightened. She told what hj d happened. Witness went and called some men to her assistance. About ten o'ch ck at night, saw her three little brothers bought home, Freddy, Charley, and Johnny, all dead.

Cross-examined by Mr "Wade : Had no ta'h with her father about what she was to sav. Never knew her father ill-two any of Hie cli 1-1 dren. Never hoard the father sav that the! baby was not hip. Her father and mother were often quarrelling. Her mother, a week or two before the occurrence, said that but ' for the children she wcuhl do awstv *vitl; her '

self. She said that without any apparent I cause. Remembered her mother having to stop out of the house all night in the bush, four or five years ago, because her father hail been ill-using her, Her mother was in the hospital after the birth of the baby. [After reporting the examination of a number of Witnesses, the usual speeches of counsel, and Judge Ward's summing up, the tind- | ing of the verdict, and the passing of sentence, I are thus detailed : —] The jury retired to consider their verdict. : After the lapse of an hour and a half, the | jury returned to Court. Great interest was ' manifested in the result, and before the Judge | to«,k his seat on the bench, every available | portion of the building was crowded ; and perfect silence prevailed throughout the nuj merous audience when the foreman, after the | usual formalities had been gone through, returned a verdict of " Guilty."

_ The prisoner (who appeared for the first time to realise her position), exhibited manifestations of great nervousness, and in reply to the usual question, said that she remembered going out in the afternoon with the children, but that after that she remembered nothing more, His Honor, who seemed much affected, then addressed the prisoner, in scarcely articulate tones, as follows :—Caroline Witting, the jury have found you guilty of the murder of your three youngest children. Concurring as ] do in the verdict, I have to say that the question was raised as to whether yen were in a sound state of mind at the time you committed the act. The jury have negatived that defence ; and, I think, properly. They could hardly have come to the conclusion that you were so deranged ais not to know what you were doing ; or knowing it, not to know that it was wrong. I have to pass upon you the sentence of the law, which is that you be taken to the place from Whence you came, and thence to the place of execution, and there be hanged by the neck until you be dead, and that your body be buried within the precincts of the gaol. May the Lord have mercy on your soul ! The prisoner was removed in a hysterical condition.

A Magisterial Scrimmage. The occurrence of a fight at Norwich between two Magistrates—-Mr Blake and Major Bignold—in Court, juis briefly noted in our columns n short time ago. The following lively description of the fray is given by U.o PcopW* JoiirntlJ .' —

The business was at length ended at about five o'clock, the Court was cleared, save one or two persons who lingered with the reporters. Some of the Bench had left, when Mr Blake's voice was again heard in loud angry tones. u He bad seen many cowardly youth's in his day," he said. " I aln hot a youth nor a coward," cried the Major, and moved away from Mv Blake, who, however, followed him closely. "You called me a fool, sir," shouted Mr Blake: "neither physically" (and he laid stress on the word), "nor mentally, are you my superior, and how dare you call me a foolish old man."—" I did not,''said Major Bignold. Mr Blake: "You did." Major Bignold : " I did hot use such wicked language." He added something else which could not be caught by the reporters, and then Mr Blake said, " You may clatter and knash your teeth, I am not a coward. ' A foolish old man !' " Major Bignold repented that he did not use the word "foolish."--

" You did,*' answered Mr Blake. Major Bigiioltl : " You lie, sir." At this Mr Blake turned round, and struck his advcisary in the face with his hand. liinmd atilv the parties were in each other's arms—stru<r-,'ling, wrestling, foaming, buffeting. Presently crash- and down went the animated, writhing, angry pair. Chairs were smashed. Now Mr Blake was undermost, in the grasp of the Major, and now Mr Blake was uppermost. Of course the spectacle of Justices of the Peace engaged in open combat was anv'thiiu' hut agreeable to the on-lookers. Everyone was amazed, and for a time, helpless with consternation. One person—a licensed victual'er—had the presence of mind to rush forward to separate the two combatants ; but he was knocked aWay by a Mow from Mr Blake's fist. Mr Bolingbroke then, with the assistance of Mr Kennett, collared Mr Blako and held him from Major Bignold, who thereupon brushed and placed his hat on his head. Then the two combatants savagely stared the one at tin l other. "I got you down,"'cried Mr Bignold, exultingly, "Ah, you kicked like a savage," replied Mr Blake with bitterness. The Major then left the room, and at length this act in the play was ended.

Mining shares are disposed of by "art niv'ou" at flrkltika. Referring to earthquakes, the Sydney correspondent r>f the Southern Cross s.-ivs • " S.. persuaded lire some people that New Zealand is the only toctts of subterranean dismder in the Australian world, that whenever we ft el an ear'hotiake in New South Wales (which certanly we rarely do) they cannot help e<;claim "hg, " Phere'si at New Zealand again."" An e>c''ange says :—Three gent'ennn ree n'ly took their seals in the railway carriage at Tamru (Auckland), aid finding there were no Indies pr sent they eouipla: e"t'y lit t,l i lr cigars. Presently a pleasant-looking young Maori woman entered, having in her arn s a fine half-e ste hoy and a shark. One of the gentlemen, distingu : shed by the urbanity of his manner, genteelly lifted his hat and said, " Madam, d«i yon object to smoking ;" Kin with a hioid good-huniour< d grin. repli< d, "Kapai; }oii try: give ine tob;-c !" it <a needless to say Hia.' the gallant gentleman «lia heartily hulled al by his ennipaniolis.