How to Make Money.

Cromwell Argus, Volume III, Issue 156, 15 October 1872, Page 7

How to Make Money.

| A writer in the Clianeston Herald says :- ! It annoys me dreadfully to hear people ever- ; lastingly croaking about the dullness of times. i Some people would'nt know how to make j money if they were made a present of a Mint, ! and had the. gold pitehed-in to the bargain. I If we only had a few down-east Yankees here, they'd make a pile in no time—and it wouldn't be tailings either. I'd lay a dollar if we had any of these chaps among us, they'd make money this week, notwithstanding 'the dullness of times, and out of nothing commoner I than publicans' licenses either. You'd see | one of them fly customers,— he'd first get j j made a J.P. That's not difficult in these | parts, anyhow. Then he'd travel the pubs, i and at each of the fair one's houses he'd converse tlmswise :—" Say, i*liss, how many ! kennels have you in your house,'' by way of ' i opening the conversation. She'd probably I tell the truth if taken on the hop, and reply, I " One bedroom, a parlour, and a lean-to kitchen, which meet all my present requirei ments."—"Guess you'll trade with me for your wines, beer, &c, won't you.'" would! ! perhaps be his next epiery. And accordingly jas the answer came the cat would jump. ' Mayhap the fair Hebe would reply, " I can't trade with you, because 1 can get liquor from others at less than I can your doctored wash." | His reply would be ready. "Trade with | 'em Miss, but I swan you'll have to add to ' j the number of your kennels, and timber's j dear these times. If you don't, you'll know j the reason why." Mayhap she'd be tickled j with his persuasive eloquence, and say," Well, i my dear, if I can manage somehow to get my | license so as to see Christmas through, I'll J promise you a turn." A confidential chat j would then ensue over liquors, which would | be concluded as follows- -" You say you've! i only two rooms ; well, two's enough for a (single girl, and her husband only home oc- | casionally, ain't it. We'll say it is as long ss i you trade with me ; don't be fool enough to ! build, save your spondulix and pay me reg'lar; | I'll see you through it." At least, that's my | idea of what a Yankee would do and say, anil I wish I'd thought of it earlier, so as I could i ; have gives the hint, The police, you say | bah, fudge ! Why, if they'd let a house- : j breaker slip, surely they'd not interfere with | j a decent single female publican, a friend, or i " any oder man." Liquor up, and let such | thoughts not distress you. The police have j j too much to think about and do, to trouble 1 their brains about the number of rooms; I license-seekers have in their houses. In fact ' j they ain't paid for doing so, and as there's ' i no reason to suppose anybody would be fool \ | enough to spend their money to stop 'em .under the circumstances, pub-keepers need l j not be frightened but that under certain con- j i ditions—some not specified in the Act—and I for any kind of a house, short of a piggery, | [they'll get a license. The revenue must be j I kept up somehow. —., ..I _l.._ , .......