VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume III, Issue 151, 1 October 1872, Page 7

VARIETIES.

An Epitaph on a Roasted Duck : " Peas to its rem tins." The following is a smart boy's composition on " babies :"—The mother's heart giveth 4th joy at the baby's Ist 2th. Au Irish lecturer of note solemnly said, one evening, "Parents, you have children, or, if you have not, your daughters may have." A question agitating New York just now is, which is the worst enemy of society—the family that keeps a parrot, or the one whose son is learnin ' to play the bugle ? Black and White.—A negro, after gazing at some Chinese, shook his h-ad, and solemnly siid, " If de white folks be so dark as dat out dar, 1 wonder what's de color of de blackfolks ?" \ "Early rising," says a United States paper, "was once an indication of thrift, but now it indicates that a man is thirsty." Running a Risk.—An Irishman who was recently rim over by a whole train of carriages, got uy and asked for his hat, and said he '• would not run another such risk as that for £10." About Advertising.—Judicious advertising always pays. If you have a good thing advertise it. If you haven't, don't. No bell can ring so loudly as good advertising. People will believe what they see rather than what they hear. People who advertise only once in throe months forgot that most-folks can't remember anything longer than about seven days. Qnittin * advertisements in dull times is like tearing out a dam because the water is low. Hither plan will prevent j,no:l times ever coming A constant dropping will wear a rock. Keep dropping your advertisements on the public, and they will soon oi.it under it like rocksalt.— Xorlh Western Rer.i id. \ curious trial has just been conc'iuled in the city of Xenia, Ohio. The pursuer was a Mrs 1 Heed, and the defendant James Townley, adiu' ; dealer by profession, but a lienor dealer by practice. Mrs Heed's husband, it appears, was rather fond of Ti.wnley's " medicine," and freI qiiently got so drunk as to be unable to attend jto his duties. Mrs li. raised au action against ; Townley " for- causing the intoxication of her . h.sband, and -thereby incapacitating him from j supporting his family, laying the damages at : ohO!J dollars." Most of the clergymen of the iciiy, many ladies, and many of the lead the I citizens were spectators curio; the trial. The jury brought in a verdicc for the plaintiff of ! 1850 dollars.

O'Connell one of the best cross-examiners of bis day Once he defended a man of the i name of John Conner on a charge of murder in Cork, and the principal witness for the Crown w s a policeman win found the prisoner's hat, which he h; r t behind him in h's flight from the scene of guilt. After traveling backwards an I ! forwards, a< was his habit in cross-examination, | from the aH-important question of the identity ; of the hat, he thus continue I:—Now, then, you swear that the hat in my hands is the hat you |found:' in every particular the same?" The jWif.iC-ss: "I do." o'Council : " And inside | the hat was written the prisoner's name" (lonV - : in;; into the hat, and spelling the prisoner's name very slowly,) <; J-o-h-n C-o-n-n-e-r ?" Witness : "Yes." O'C'onnel (holding up the hat in triumph to the jury): "My lord, and gentlemen of the jnry, there is no name in the ha,t at all." This caused a great sensation in the court, and ultimately the prisoner was acquitted.