VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume III, Issue 144, 13 August 1872, Page 3

VARIETIES.

A Pennyslvania editor, in acknowledging the g'fb of a peck of potatoes, says :—" It is kindnesses like these that bring tears to our eyes. One peck of potatoes makes the whole world kin. We have trusted to Providence, and this is our reward. We would like a little kindling wood and some good turnips but that would be asking too much, so we will try and do without them.

A beuevo'ent e'derly gentleman be : ng drawn into conversation by some sharpers in a railway carriage ?'u America, was induced by them to buy a draft for 157 dollars, for which he gave them 200 dol'ar notes, and received from them 43 do"ars in cash. The conductor of the train took the first opportunity to suggest quietly to the innocent o'd gentleman that he was afraid the dra-.t was a fraud. " We I '," was the bland response of the imperturbable greeny, "if it's any trigger fraud than my two one hundred dollarnotes were, then I am not forty three dollars ahead—vvh'ch 1 think I am."

A French priest, who bad usually a very small audience, was oue day preaching at the church in his vHage, when, the doors being open, a gander and several geese came stalking up the middle ais'e. The priest, avai'ing himseh" of the circumstance, observed that he could no longer find fault wiuh the district for non-attendance, because though they did not come themselves, ikey sent their representatives.

Appreciation of Honesty. —.Another humble imitation of George Washington has turned up. A Michigander presented himself to the Sheriff, and tearfu'ly dec'aring that he could not tell a lie, said he had ki'led his wife and daughter with his little hatchet. The Sheriff gave him lodgings and told him he was too good to live any longer in this world, and the chances are that he won't live much longer.

Some strange specimens of legislation aro afforded by the proceedings in the Hawaiian Parliament. According to a report of one of its recent sittings, the Hon. Mr lace gave notice of his intention to bring in a bill to render proprietors of all bar-rooms, or establishments where intoxicating drinks are sold to be drunk upon the premises, civi'ly liable in damages for injuries done or received by those becoming intoxicated on their premises, such iujuries being the natural or consequential results of such intoxication. A petition was presented from Wailuku, that representatives who get druuk be not paid. Returned to the member who presented. A bill was introduced by the Hon. Mr Lonoaea to prevent any one who keeps a mistress, or is in the habit of getting drunk, from holding a Government office. The bill was, after discussion, read a second time.

What Happened through Borrowing a Newspaper.—A Western paper whose subscription list had suffered through newspaper borrowing, says :—" Reader : if you have borrowed the paper you are reading, don't do it again. Subscribe : it isn't safe to borrow papers. We onco knew a poor, but honest man, who borrowed a paper, innocently and inadvertently, from a hitherto wholesome neighbour. Fatal act ! That terribly contagious disease, the small-pox, was conveyed insidiously in the fibres of that sheet. Of that extensive and interesting family, a doting father, a fond wife, several intellectual and heroic sons, thirteen lovely daughters, two popular mothers-in-law, and three beautiful aunts—not one remained to tell the tale."

A Laughable Hoax. —We have heard of a very good sell which is reported to have taken place the othei day at Sydney. An advertisement appeared in one of the morning papers stating that a discovery of tin bad been made at Manlcy Ueach, ami that a specimen would be on view that day at Greville's rooms. This announcement created a great sensation among the numerous individuals who have given themselves wholly up to tin, and there was quite a rush to the place in question, but they were rather taken back when they found the specimen was only—an empty sardine tin, placed beneath an imposing g'ass shade and carefully ticketed.

Contentment. —A young woman, who was thinking of getting married, went to her minister to ask his advice about so important a step, She told him that she had an offer of marriage, and she wanted his advice. Her minister said he did not know very well what to say to her ; but he should remind her of what the apostle Paul said on that subject, " They that married did well ; but they that did not marry did better." —" Wcel, weel," she said, " I'll awa hatne anc? dae weel, let them do better that like."

A man was recently examined on an important ; case on the Western Circuit. Counsel found it j extremely difficult to extract the whole tiuth ; from him. His ingennityand ignorance combined ! enabled him to evade the question. At last the counsel, losing patience, exclaimed, " Why do you prevaricate so much?" The witness supposing he referred to his peculiar mo le of utterance, convulsed the court and audience by replying indignantly, "I would like to know how a fellow can help prevaricating when he has lost three of his front teeth ?" "Well." said an English soldier, "well, it will certainly be a most bloody battle ; and all I j have to say is, may God stand by the right !" i " De'il pick out your e'en for your wacked wish," replied a Scotch one, "God stand by I Hamilton's regiment or wran^."