VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume III, Issue 142, 30 July 1872, Page 3

VARIETIES.

“You’re a queer chicken,” as the lien said when she hatched the duck. “ My dear boy,” said a fond mother, “never defer till to-morrow what you can do to-day.” | —“Then, mother,” replied the urchin, “let’s eat the plum-pudding to-night.” Two Hibernians were passing a stable which had a roostet for a weather-vane, when one addressed the other thus : “Pat, what’s the rason they didn t put a hin up there instead of that rooster?”—“ An’ sure,” replied Pat, “ that’s asy ; enough : don’t ye see it would be unconvanient to go for the eggs ?” If there is any defect more striking than another in American character it is bashfulness Young America in particular is painfully affected iby it. An incident is mentioned by a corresI pondent, who was desired by his aunt to go over | to neighbour Shaw’s and see if he had any straw ! for sale. “Mr Shaw,” said our informant, “ was j blessed with a number of Misses Shaw, and I, j therefore, felt a little timid at encountering them, i To make the matter worse, I arrived just as the family were seated at dinner. Stopping at the doorway, hat in hand, 1 stammered out:—“ Mr j Straw, can you spare me enough Shaw to fill a couple of beds ? ’ —-“Well,” replied theold gentle- | man, glancing around at his large family, and I enjoying the mistake, “ I don’t know but lean ; j how many will you need “ Before I could reI cover, these hateful girls broke into a chorus of 1 laughter, and I broke home in a cold sweat.” One does not look for comicalities amongst cooks, neither does one expect to find humorous verse in the columns of the 7’hues, where house- | maids, footmen, butlers, and pages advertise their capabilities. However, in the columns of a recent issue of the Times may be discovered a very remarkable advertisement, which is something so novel and so extraordinary that we venture to give it in i.efcimo :—“ Required, by a gent, near to Bromley, in Kent, a cook, on plain cooking intent. She need not make entremets, j sauces, or jellies, That cause indigestion orirri- ; tate b—lies ; Enough if she's able to serve up a j dinner That won’t make her master a dyspeptic j grimier. If asked to make bread, no excuse must she utter ; Must be able to churn, and to i make melted butter. If these she can do—eke i boil a potato, And cook well a chop with sauce j called tomato, The writer won’t care to apply | further test That she's up to her work, and knows all the rest. She must he honest, indns- [ trious, sober, and clean, Neat in her garb, not a highly dress’d quean ; And must be content, j whatever her ago is, With sugar and tea, and I £2O wages. Address, , Post-office, Bromley, . Kent.”