VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume III, Issue 129, 30 April 1872, Page 5

VARIETIES.

Net Profits.—A fisherman's. When a kettle just begins to boil, is its music that of a dull simnu’r ? Sometimes c nil does not burn well of an evening, because it’s slate. Some married people always go to bed quarrelling, yet they never fall out. I A stitch in time saves nine. Those who have got one in the side, be thankful. Some people at a crowded evening party bad belles on their toes. It generally hurts them. “ Let the toast be, dear woman,” the man said to bis wife when lie wanted to eat it all himself. “Parting is such sweet sorrow,” particularly with a cracked looking-glass and a toothless comb. Not Generally Kn nvn. \ shoemaker always finishes bis shoe at the beginning, and begins at the last. To Mothers.- —Yon should not lot yonr children real Watts’ poems; they contain much j hymn-morality, 1 Corns do nit aid ns on our path through life, as a rule; yet we hive all beard of a certain Pilgrim whose Progress was entirely due to a Banyan. Mr E liter, —What resemblance is there between swinging, drinking a cup of tea, sharpeui ing a carpenter's tool, and dressing a wnm I ? j In each case yon sea saw, sir. A lady, who has a pretty hand, is anxious to I learn whether po >plc are m >re liable than c >mI m m to “ burn their lingers” if they happen to ibo taper ones. Wo cannot say; but we have i advised her not to let a spark gat at them. | Plain Sneaking.—Miss Mil.l-an 1-Bittor—“ Be j your wife, Air Snobkins? —What an idea? ■; You're much to a plan for me.” hj onng Snohkins —“ Well, 1 don't go in f>r beauty much ; but, then, 1 have known very nglv men unrry much prettier women than you are.’’