Essay on the Cat.

Cromwell Argus, Volume III, Issue 115, 23 January 1872, Page 7

Essay on the Cat.

BY JOSH BILLINGS. The kat iz a domestic animil—but i nevir hav bin abel tew tell wharefor. Yu kant trust wuu, enny more than yu kan a kase ov tbe gout. Tliare iz onli wuu mortle thing that yu kan trust a kat with, and cum out even, and that is a bar of hard soap. They are az meek az Mozis, but az full ov deviltry az Judas Iskaratt. They will harvest a duzen ov yung chikous for yu, and then steal into the sittia-room az softli az an undertaker, and lay themselves down on the rug at yure feet, full of injured innocens and chiken, and dream ov thare childhood days. All that iz about a kat that iz domcstick that i no ov is that you kant loozs one. Yu kant looze a kat—they are az hard tew loose az a bad reputashun iz. Yu may send wun out ov the state dun up in a meal bag, and markt “ C. O. D.” and the next morning yu will find him or her j (akording tew sox) in t’ae same old spot, alongside ov the kitchen stove, reddy to be stcpt on. Kats hav two good ears for mollodi, and offon make the nite atmusfero mollodious with thare opera musik. But the most wunderful thing about a kat that haz bin diskovered yet iz their fear ov doth. Yu kant induse wun by enny ordinary means to aksopt ov doth—they aktnally skorn | to die. Yu may kill one az ranch az yu have a , mind tew, and they will begin life anew, and j in a few miuits, with a more flattering pros-1 , pektus. Dogs i luve ; they carry thare kredenshals I in thare faces, and kant hide them ; but the . | bulk ov a kats reputashun lies buried in their . I stnmuk, as unknown tew themselves az tew . ennybody els. . j Thare iz onli wuu thing about a kat that i j like, and that iz, they are very cheap ; a . little money well invested will go a grate way i in kats. [ Kats are very plentiful in this world just , now ; i counted 18 from my boarding windo r wun raoonlite nite last summer, and it wasn’t a fustrate nite for cats neither.