VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume II, Issue 104, 7 November 1871, Page 2

VARIETIES.

“ Father, won't you buy me a fishing-rod V -said a pious boy; “you know the Bible says, 1 Spare the rod, and spoil the child.’ ” The reason why editors have their manners spoiled is because they receive so many evil communicitions from one correspondent or another. A New Hampshire county auditor had the following bill presented him for allowance in s late Jaw-suit : —To doing your work, such as drawin’ water, choppin’ wood, and fee-din cattle, three weeks, while you lay drunk, §2l.

A Strange Excuse.—A curious nlea was put forward the other day by a clerk accused of embezzlement in Melbourne, viz. : that he had tvken i’6i)l) or so, because he meant to be a partner in the business, because be thought it promoted the interests of his employers, and because ho had '■ stood drinks” for a great many of the firm’s customers. He said that he supposed his employers would not see the matter in exactly the same light as he did. And they didn’t.

A lion at Glasgow has been under the hands of a dentist, who succaade 1 in extracting a diseased tooth. The sick lion was secured, to proven injury to the operator, who had the further security of the bars of the cage intervening between himself and his patient. By means of a well applied gag, his j iws were fixed, so that the instrument could be introduced without fear of injury to the doctor's hand. He completed his task, but not without some damage to poor Leo's jaw.

A Mew Orleans paper says A Colporteur opened tho door of an Irishman’s shanty in the Second Municipality, and putting in his head, in a very pious tone asked the owner of the domicile, “ if he woul I accept of a tract o’ the Holy Land,” meaning, of course, an essay on that interesting portion of the world. “ Yds, be jabers,” was the reply of the Hibernian, houl section if you give a good title deed. But I should like to know if there is much of it prairie, or if new settlers are subject to the ague there ?”

Devout Kissing.—John Brown, of Haddington, was the author of the “ Marrow of Divinity," I and other theological books which are held in ! high esteem by the Scottish people. He courted | a lady upwards of six years. Ho was so singu- \ larly modest and bashful that he never v,-featured ’ to kiss her. One day it occurred to it would not be a bad thing to do. Sorecorded that he said, “Janet, my woman, we’ve ■ been acquainted now for years, an’—an’—l’ve never got a kiss yet. D’ye think I may take; one, my bonnie lass?” The reply was wonderfully characteristic of the Scottish maiden. “ Jiat as ye like, John,’’ said she, “ only be be- ! cornin’ and proper wi’ it.”—“ Surely, Janet," .; said John, “ we’ll ask a blessin'.” The blessing was asked, and the kiss exchanged. “ Ob, woman,” said tho enraptured but still devout minister, “ Oh, woman, but it’s gude ! Wc’U n» return, tlyriks.!'.. And they did I ~,