Jocular Jottings from Bannockburn.

Cromwell Argus, Volume II, Issue 101, 17 October 1871, Page 5

Jocular Jottings from Bannockburn.

—o— Br Moleskin,

Sailors, when at soa, endeavour to keep clear of reefs; but when on 3horo, and i'ol* lowing a particular.class of mining, thay are always trying to strike them.

Manifestations ox having been subjected to much heat and pressure appeared on the face and person of my mate on emerging from the Cromwell Court-house, during the magisterial examination of a case which excited much interest and excitement at the time. He was evidently much distressed, and it was onlv after the soothing influence of a " brandy spider," that he gained sufficient composure to describe his feelings, by informing rue that he had been literally "cabined, cribbed, confined," and also that he didn't believe in these " trial crushings." Mr Haughton, in the General Assembly, very likely thought he was jnstfied in " setting down" Mr Murray in the manner he did, and doubtless imagined he had pitched him into one of the " pitfalls" of his own making. But I fancy I can see in Mr Murray the germ of future greatness, the budding statesman that will ere long bloom in all the fullness and splendour of legislative wisdom. England has her Gladstone, Germany her Bismarck, —then why, why not New Zealand her Murray ? How that almond-eyed individual must have chuckled at the storekeepers he so cleverly circumvented by purchasing the wholo of their rice. One would think he must have felt quite pleased at the "insolence of condescension" he had to put up with from these " barbarians." John must have been highly delighted with the patronising slap on the back he was very likely treated to, accompanied perhaps with, " Yes, John, me sell urn licce," in answer to the Celestial's inquirj, and in mimicry of his manner of speech. Chinamen are very rarely proficient in the English language ; in fact, you will find but a very few that can ever write our alphabet; but I will venture to lay odds that the one in question understands how to make £ s. d. as well as most Europeans. What a blessing gold miners must be to tha station holders ! What uncomplaining consumers they are of their antiquated ewes and attenuated wethers! I hope iVI r Grindley, of Quartzville, will endeavour to sell a better class of mutton, than we have been for some time getting in this district. If ho could manage to get something in the form of sheep, instead of the lanterns we have for a long time put up with, I think he would at once inspire his customers with confidence in him ; for if a butcher can only get the public to place confidence in what he sells—especially those thin-skinned uncertainties, sausages—he will do well. I see by an advertisement that another Amateur Concert will shortly take place at Cromwell, in aid of the funds required for building an Athenaeum. There are to be some recitations given ; which brings to my recollection the time when, at an entertainment of a similar nature in the old country, I once heard an aspirant for histrionic fame attempt to recite Norval. He was a young man who treated stops in writing, and pauses and emphasis in speaking, with the utmost; contempt; and on the occasion referred to, he pursued the even tenor of his way, by commencing as follows : "My name is Norval on the Grampian Hills." Before he could proceed any further, a listener completely discoac2rted him by suddenly exclaiming, "Is it? Well! what's your name oS the Grampian Hills, then ?"