Varieties.

Cromwell Argus, Volume I, Issue 37, 27 July 1870, Page 6

Varieties.

A stick not used in wiuking,—A eumllustick. I j, \y are good huaoauds hko doa ri ii:—i«jc»u<.e| women need ehem, ’ [ He who gives a trille.meanly, la uiuuw tmuj the tribe. I Wk/ is an overworked horse like an umhroL* ?| Because it is used up. [ When does an M.H.il. most resemble Stun 4 son ? —When bo moves the House. f What class ought never die with consump-i tion ?—Merchants with strong iron chests. f Hints to Banters.—To got rid of corpulence} —turn lighter men, • - 4 Matrimonial Consolation.—A coquette is a rose, from which every lover plucks a leaf—the thorns are left for her future husband. The “ How ?”—“ Doctor, how came you and Squire Lucas to be such great friends?”—* ; don’t know, unless it was because I attended his wife when she was attacked with diptheria and was unable to oure her.” The following rules are provided by the trustees for the government of a school down South : —“No awearin, lightin, quarrelin, nicknamiu, goin inter the water, reslin and tumpin, pinchin, stickin of pins inter each other, pullin of hair durin books, courtin in school, writin of, lore letters in school, crackin of walnuts (unless dried), ■jvhisperin. Those rules must be observed, for a violation of those rules will be punished with the lash, aceordin to the verdict of the trusties.” Good Grounds for Objecting.—A perfectly model criminal was lately tried in Paris. Being asked if he had anything to say, ho replied, “ Yes, a good deal. In the first place, I object to the judges.”—“ To the judges ? To tho jury, you mean.”—“Nothing of the kind: I moan the judges—all the judges of France. Impossible !”—“ It is not impossible, but a fact.” —“And, sir, on what grounds?”—“Because they are prejudiced against mo.”—Judge (se-i verely): “Prisoner, you must not say such; things. No judge in France is prcjudicod.against j anyone."—“ Well I don’t know spoilt v-hat,” replied tho prisoner ; “but you must know as well j aside that they have already condemned mo, five times.” Geographical.—“ John, where is Africa?”—: "On tlie map, sir.”—“l mean on what continent—tho Man tern or Western?”—“Well, tho land of Africa is on tho Eastern continent, but tho people are all of ’em down South.”— “ How do the African people live 1" —“ By drawing.”— “ Drawing what water?” "No, sir; by drawing their breath.”—“Sit down, John.”— .‘{Thomas, what is the Equator?"—“ Why, sir, it Is a horizontal polo running perpendicularly through the imagination of astronomers and nM geographers.”—“Go to your seat, Thomas.”-® “William Stiggs, what do you moan by ail eclipse ?”—“Anold raeo-horso, sir.”— ‘ 1 Silence.”l —“ Jack, you are a scholar: what is an eel Ipsa ?"| —“, An eclipse is a thing as appears when tho n)Oon is on the burst, and runs against tho sun ; consequently tho sun blackens tho moon’s face. ” A-School master looks like thunder. Class dismissed.