Varieties.

Cromwell Argus, Volume I, Issue 34, 6 July 1870, Page 6

Varieties.

A Cleveland girl has dressed in''male attiit J tad driven a horse-car for seven years. There are seven sisters living in Holmesburg, 'JigE Pennsylvania, whoso average age la aoveuty-tw« Qy < years. ♦ || UI , In Kentucky there fie an old negro who hat cbm grown perfectly white in the course of a life o| |Jie 100 years. 'g a p f A miserly bailiff coming into possession of »aacl baronetcy, and desiring an appropriate “ ooat ol flyi arms,” adopted one representing a tin plate, Hon over which was placed a fork, signifying, “ Fork I hfl over the tin. ” gim In our prosperity real friends are wont to Qvei visit ua only when invited, but in adversity Jttl they come of their own accord. tho An ingenious fanner has found a way to ln|| duce crows to commit suicide. He 4trsig§ seve. Mai ral grains of corn on a horsehair, causing a tick- ipy ling sensation in the crow’s throat. In hh {he efforts to get it up, the crow invariably scratches nwf his head off. A patent has been applied for. She A Richmond lady sent a silver urn to an auo- 9 tion to be sold. It was the last of her once she great wealth. Tho people present, who knew her, made up a heavy purse, put it into the urn, IjeV; and sent it back to the owner. Pretty charity, I ' wasn’t it T foul A young woman had laid a wager she would s> e i descend into a vault, in the middle of the night, then and bring from thence a skull. The person who <|e£! took the wager had previously hid himself in 1 T the vault, and, as the girl seized the skull, cried Or 1 in a hollow voice, “ Leave me my head . exp “There it is,” said the girl, throwing it down His* and catching up another. “ Leave me my head 1" tnei said the same voice. “ Nay, nay,” sard tho in 1 heroic lass, “you cannot have two heads so to r brought tho skull and won the wager. se fc One Simon Fraser lately went into a store, all and was served with a pound of candles. “ Axa of 1 they not dear ?” he asked. “ They’ll be dearer all still,” said the storekeeper, “if our troops and WC( the Maoris keep at war muchlonger.”—-“What 1" tlrr said old Simon, “ are they going to fight by can- anc dlelighfe ? ” Her A well-known provincial bore baring left a <H a tavern party of which Burns was one, the bard pre immediately demanded a bumper, and addressing chs himself to the chairman, said, “ I give you the eas health, gentleman all, of the waiter that called ghi my Lord T out of the room. ” a v “Ye may ding the dell into a wife, but ye’ll a : ne'er ding him out o’her,” the Scotch say. “In poi buying horses and taking yonr eyes to and commend yourself to providence,” is an the Italian axiom, as is also the following ; “ Mar- H(M riages are not as they are made, bat as they turn rn\ out." __ poe Unkind.—Old lady to her niece : “ Good gra- gw clous, Matilda ! hut it’s cold. My teeth are al- in most chattering.” Loving niece : “ Wall, don’t wi let them chatter too much, or they may tell mv where you bought them-” eirl “I suppose,” said a quack, while feeling the pulse of a patient who had reluctantly submitted koi to solicit his advice, “ I suppose you think me a nu bit of a humbug?”—“Sir,” gravely replied the en sick man, “ I was not aware until now that yon nn could so readily discover a man's thoughts by jm feeling his pulse.” th Father Gratry is said to be the moat absent r.r man in France. One day in going to Sorbouno, wi whore he was going to give lectures in theology, G( he fancied he had forgotten his watch, and then w< drew it out of his fob to see if he had time to an fetch it, which, in fact, he went to do. Mr Miller, of Ballumbie, had occasion to find be fault with one'ljof his labourers who had been al improvident, and had seen better days. Ho ro was digging a drain, and Mr, Miller told him that ac if he did not make better work he would ba He turned aivay. The man was very angry, and, ro throwing dowm-his spade,Joalled out in a tone of dt resentment, “ Ye’re ower pridefu', Davie Millar! w since I kent ye in the warld, when ye had nel- la ther cow nor ewe.”—Very well,” replied Mr Miller, mildly, “I remember when you had «c both.” tl' A man, by the name of Zeko Eads, in Green H( County, New York, is strangely deformed. He g] is without ears, and never had any. He gathers sounds through tho medium of his mouth, and 1 can hear anything said to him in ordinary c.on- tl versation. Equally as strange, his hair is black, w with white spots, nearly as large as the palm of a man’s hand, interspersed through it. Ha is about 4i\jyeara of age, and the happy possessor of thirteen living children. His occupatijn is ' that of a charman. ’ n . When preachers do indulge in jokes, they ge- H aorally let off good ones. Hero is a specimen, -v A clergyman was recently charged with having c . violentlyjdragged his wife from a revival meet- in ing, and compelled her to go home -with him- _ The clergyman let the story travel along until ho had a good opportunity to give ibroadside. Q Upon being charged with the offenoe, he replied ■ as follows:—“In tho first place, I never - attempted to influence ray wife in her views nor her choice of a meeting. Secondly, my wife has a not attended any of the revival meetings.. In j the third place, I have not myself attended any | of tho meetings whatever. To conclude, neither i my wife nor myself have any inclination to go ; I. to these meetings. Finally, I never had a wife." | j 8 A clergyman who enjoys the substantial benefits of a fine farm was slightly vexed a few dayl'-f j ago by an Irish ploughman, who was sitting his plough, while [ho Jrcsted his horses. The rev. gentleman, being aJJgroat-J economist, said, : with great seriousness, “Patrick, wouldn't it || be a good plan fori yon to havo a here,land be stubbing along the fence while tf * horses are resting ?” Pat, with quite as anrief/ • ! a countenance ns the divine himself wore, is pliod, “ Sir.fwoiildn’t it be as well for you f have a tub of potatoes in the pulpit, and wbf they are singing, to peel thorn the! while, to * i ready for the pot.” The- reverend |«ntW i laughed hotrtily and loft.- I |