Varieties.

Cromwell Argus, Volume I, Issue 23, 20 April 1870, Page 3

Varieties.

—o — in the World.—A miner. A little boy, returning from the Sunday school, said to his mother, "This cat-o-chism is too hard —isn't there any kitten-chism for little boys i" When a Dutch maid-servant wishes to go to a dance, and has no swain of her own, she hires a cavalier for the occasion. A beau with an um* brella receives double pay. When tteorge the Third was once returning with his queen from Egham races, a remarkably fine child attracted his notice. "Whose sou are you, boy, eh '!" enquired his majesty. "My filler 11 nilf h j« k "^' fl - heef -eaters,:', replied

"vlvenUcky Story.—The Mercury tells an extraordinary story v snd son living in Fleming country. &«bout forty-five years of ago, and the son is twenty. When one has any complaint the other is similarly affected. If the father has the headache the son has it at the same time; if one suffers with the toothache the other also suffers with it; when one gets a cold the other gets it also ; and so it goes on through all the catalogue of complaints. What is still more marvellous is that their appetites, temperaments, and general actions are alike. They have the same likes and dislikes for food, and if one be angry, gloomy, or happy, the other is. They dream the same dreams, and, in fact, do «verything after this double fash ion. Seeing and Believing.—" You say," said a. bystander, " that you saw this transaction ?" "Yes, I saw it myself."—" You would hardly believe it if you hadn't seen it, would you ?" "No, I should not."—"Humph ! I didn't sea it !"—The individual seemed to think there was a double meaning " in the remark of the gentl<man who spoke last." Cause for Dislike.—A physician, walking with a friend, said to him, " Let us avoid that pretty little woman you see on the left. She knows me, and casts on me looks of indignation. I attended her husband."-Ah ! I understand—you had the misfortune to despatch him."— " On the contrary, Lsaved him.'

"I suppose," said a quack, while feeling the. pulse of apivtienfc who had reluctantly submitted to solicit his advice, " L suppose you thiuk mo a bit of a humbug ?" " Sir," gravely replied the sick man, " I was not awara until now that you could so readily discover a man's thoughts byfeeling his pulse. A minister in Aberdeenshire sacrificed so freely and so often to the "jolly god" that the Presbytery could no longer overlook his proceedings, and summoned him before them to answer for his conduct. One of. his elders, a constant companion in his social hours, was called as a witness against him. " Well, John, did you. ever see. the Eev. Mr C. the worse for drink V " Wee! a wat no j but I've mouy a time seen- him ttw better o't." " But did you.uevor see him drunk f- " That's what I'll never soo ;. for before ha be half slockn'd, I'm aye blind fu' I" Tho love of truth is a bow of peace, ready foe every concession that is honest,, firm, against every compromise that is not. It iB the noblest stimulus to inquiry ; ardent to seek, yet patient. to examine ; willing to communicate, yet more, willing to receive ; contemptuous oi petty curiosity, but passionate for knowledge. It is maintained that the most inspi iug natural sight which a glazier can contemplate, is the gleam of early day breaking through the windows.

"Nature has \Tritten 'honest man' on hji 1 * {ace," said a man to Jerrold, speaking of a person in -whom Jenold's faith was- not altogether blind. " Humph !" replied Jerrold, " then tha. pen muat have been a very bad one." A man undor sentence of death by hanging-, asked the sheriff the evening previous to the. execution, " I say, Mr Sheriff, at what hour is. that little affair of mine coming off!" The Spaniards do not pay hyperbolical compliment* ; but one of their admired writers, speaking of a lady's black eyes, 3<iyß, "they were in mourning for the murders they had oommitted." Why should a yonng man who happens to have his arm thrown round a nice yousg woman be reproved for extravagance?— Because, he. is wa(i)ating a valuable article. Men are frequently like tea—the real strength \\ and goodDe3s is not properly drawn out of them-. \i until they have bosa a short time ia hot watar..