The Victorian Kangaroo Stepper.

Cromwell Argus, Volume I, Issue 15, 23 February 1870, Page 7

The Victorian Kangaroo Stepper.

There’s a neAv animal been found outs It’s called the Kangaroo Stepper, and it’, a rummy sort, I can tell you. They say it hasn’t got any father or mother, or maiden aunt; and so “ I ’speet it growed,” like the naughty nigger girl in the book. You can make a Kangaroo Stepper as easy as can be. First, you must beg, borroAv, or steal a lump of hair as big as a round of beef—if it’s carrotty, so much the better, for then the Kangaroo Stepper calls itself “ Fair, fair, Avith the golden ’air.” Then you must take anything in nature, from an oyster-shell to the lid of an old coffee-pot, and you must trim that with lace, and velvet, and artificial dandelions and things, till Professor Bones, of the University, couldn’t tell Avhat creature they belonged to Avhen in their original state of business and being. That’s a hat for the Stepper. Next, you Avant about a mile and a-half of different coloured ribbons, and a good deal of gilt gimcracks to make earrings, pins, brooches, bracelets, and clasps for the Kangaroo Stepper (a brass candle-stick or two might be useful to work these up). Then you want a ruff’ high enough to keep its head from falling oft', and a few yards of clothes—the scantier the better—to SAvaddle the Stepper in, so that it can’t move one leg before the other more than four inches at a time. A pair of stockings, with holes in ’em, next you must get, together Avith parasol, gloves, a smell of bone-mill, called by the Stepper “ Patchhilly,” and any odds and ends that come to hand. Last of all, go to the first shoemaker, buy a pair of women’s boots, put a tassel on the top of ’em, a rosette in front, and as much heel as you think enough to give the real Kangaroo step to the Stepper, and then you’ve got all tho harness you Avant. After that, you must drift about the purloins of the city till you find a neglected child, that hasn’t been sent to tho Industrial School, but has been let groAv up into a neglected girl. You must catch that sort of human being Avhen it is Avild, if you’d like to make a useful girl of the period out of her. And Avhen you’ve caught her, there’s nothing simpler than to make a Kangaroo Stepper out of her. Fix her up Avith the hair, and the ruff, and the hat balanced on the tip of the nose, and the gimcracks, and the clothes that fit so tight that she can hardly Avaddle; and then mount her on her lugh-hcelpd boots, turn her loose in Collins-street at four o’clock in the afternoon—and there you’ve got your Kangaroo Stepper as right as a trivet. —John Peerybyhgle, in the Melbourne Weekly Times.