Connectiout Corpulence.

Cromwell Argus, Volume I, Issue 14, 16 February 1870, Page 3

Connectiout Corpulence.

'I the FAT men’s PIC-NIC AT NORWALK. | The second annual gathering of the Pat MMen of the World was held at Gregory’s HPolut, Norwalk (IT.S.) on Friday; 20th, *• last, The following racy description of the event is given by the “special Korrespondent" of the New York World : — ? fere i s > indeed, richness ! i Fancy to yourself '25,37311)3. of fellowI’being done up in UO packages, varying in [ ■weight, from the puny infant of 1971b5. Who vainly hoped to eat clams enough to Praise him to 2001b5., but who was cut off /in the blossom of his sin, and weighed bo- * fore dinner—to the full-grown Frisk, by no linearis the junior of that ilk, who weighs ’ *35811)3.; but striking an average of a trifle Wipvor 2201b5, !f? Sing, Muse, the secret sources of this i avalanche of adipoceration. Last year it 'entered into the head of some mute tinglorious Barrium of this primeval Arcadia I to organise a clam-bake of fat men. The Ifminimum of fatriess was fixed at 2001bs. . To this gathering, thus fixed, wended and " Swaddled, few and fat, but fearless still, not ilithe bone and sinew perhaps, but the adipose fcsue of Norwalk and its vicinity. They [[came on waggons constructed expressly for Steam boilers and their noble selves ; they broke down the springs of trucks; they : [were conveyed in steamers fitted each for a j :fat man. They came in every way except on foot, for they could not run Nor-walk. The meeting was not numerous, but it I [had weight. The fattest man in it was HMr G. Sydney.Smith, who weighed 3181b5.,' phr believe.- He was unanimously chosen ”| [President. Flesh and. blood could not re- '' isist him,’ for they were he. It was, moreover, determined to establish the clam-bake I lon a permanent basis, broad us his fundafflmental fat. Mr Merritt Sherwood, a i .’chubby youth of only less weight, was | [chosen Vice-President, and the result of . Jlftheir joint sittings was the incubation of [the present egg. Notice was given of this ! clam-bake some weeks ago, and at once the [fat men of Connecticut flung their Bantings [from them and devoted themselves to a dilation. -Their bosoms, and the regions ira- [ jmediately inferior thereto, swelled at the prospect of out-weighing their President, [[and they fid full, and eschewed exercise. ■ j I took the express train out of New York on the morning, but-I was disap‘•[lpointed at'not finding either the train or j rfthe - land to Sow with fatness. But at | [[Stamford a gloom came oyer the air. The Scar'was for one-moment in eclipse, and the [next a vast-and vague bulk of black.broadZ.[ldo th was'compressed within the door, shut Hoff- the view, and expanding, overflowed _ .the ,seats on both, sides. It seemed as if this Ifwas the consummation of ■ obesity—fit was •llonly -the beginning. ■„ | [ ' When the train stopped, it was seen that [[three fat men occupied the. court-yard, and Stwo-more crowded the bar-room., Acres of ||fat then met the eye wherever it turned, ['and above these-acres of fat smiles spread w ||placidly. It seemed a dreadful dream, or ithe broadest of broad farce. It was Uteri' ully too much, and X asked the way to the iscene of the clam-bata . There was a stage yip ust going down—a long and lofty stage drawn by four horses. - Into the stage got ; two fat men, who seemed to fill it, but only f [ ■seemed—for the driver found room in their | interstices for a dozen,lean human beings. The man in whom I was interested was not : only a frightfully, fat man,, but was also a [ humourist. He laughed continually, .and [ his vast wheezes drove the unfortunate passengers against the ends of the stage with ['frightful concussions. At this the fat man i laughed again, and .the stage rolled and I, | pitched like a tub with a head wind. The [ springs gave way under him, and he [[chuckled like a subterranean convulsion. In short, this fat man, with tire kindest indentions, was a terror to his kfnd. He leered ; hj fat and flagrant leer at the fattest woman I ieitant, who passed us in a buggy. This fat woman, by-the-bye, was not at the . clam-bake, though she was clearly eligible, ■ |but exhibited herself upon the road to the intoxicated rapture of the fat men in k -general, and our fat man in particular, iff he fat man nodded to her. like Olympian and she deepened the creases in her countenance by way of encouragement B |o him. When we passed other monstrously fat men, our fit man would cry g to them in much astonishment, “ Hi! Vfatty !” and shake the stage with chuckles *ipver this exquisite pleasantry. This “Hi! ■*Fatty !” we subsequently found to be. the d ; ‘iisual salutation of the fat men. As a joke, n lit grows trite.after the three hundredth , hearing.’ * * k When all the giants had mustered, and 11 vthe fat, so to speak, was" all in the fire, t'puhlic feeling crystallised around two cen- ? : Jres, dr, more properly; within two circum(Terences. The first was a chubby youth, ■■ ®s> second, a stout and mature Allan of 6Q. It was thought universally ' that the' Presidency lay between these two. iI wilderness of black broad-cloth encomsed the first, while the second,wore a i’t brown coat, and infinite brown trowlaved his legs. Tho first was tall and imidal, — rga rolls of fat around hia shoulders clung, d from his neck tho double dewlap hung. second Was shorter and cylindrical, eemecl as if you could have dug a clean leful out of No. 1, without ever molesthim, and that you might shoot parrots

all day at No. 2, Without'penetrating him. One was blubber, the other was Lawn. How happy could we have been with either, were the other dear charmer away. There was no other way of “ trying” it except by ordering them both to the scales. The result was that John A. P. Frisk, of New York, is the President, and James A. Lincoln, of Springfield, Illinois, only the Vice-President of the solid sodality for the coming year, Mr Frisk weighs 3581b5.; Mr Lincoln weighs 3291b5. To the hilarity at this point there was one marked exception. The ex-President waddled his lonely way in silence. Was it for this he had fed full and moved slowly, in reliance upon the maxim of the lean and therefore untrustworthy Sullust, that “ power is easily retained by those arts which have acquired it 1” Was it for this he had swollen and sw—perspired to gain aSISIbs? All is vanity and vexation of spirit. The love of corpulence is the root of all evil. He heaped up fat and cannot tell who shall gather it. These and such other texts, were doubtless the subject of meditation in that bitter hour. I beg to tender him my sympathy, and to make the public proclamation that, in spite of the fact that he has been outgrown, he is a good portly man, i’ faith, and a corpulent. Another 3001b. man is Merritt Sherwood, of New Milford, to whom, if nature has been as bountiful throughout as she has been in the epigastric region, and proportioned him to his paunch, the Presidency would have fallen, for his watch chain is like the herald Mercury, new lighted on a heaven-kissing hill, and by virtue mainly of his abdomen he weighs 3071b5. The only other one is Andrew Hull, of Danbury, who is a tall young man of much pith and moment and 305 avoirdupois. As to the clam-bake itself, it was like all other clam-bakes except in one regard. The appetite of the fat men was good, but the appetite of the lean men—who were passed for lean—was terrible. Now was seen the unholy little game of the wretch weighed 1751bs before dinner. I saw him. I marked him. It was the fixed intention of this sham fat man to make up the difference in dinner, and to eat 251bs. avoirdupois. And it is my opinion that he accomplished his fiendish purpose. But, happily for justice, the authorities have restricted such as he, and weighed them ’ empty and unwilling. When he had been filled, there was a will but there was, no longer a weigh. The proceedings proper were tame. The President made a very small speech for so large a man, and Andrew Hull gave him an enormous cane. But there was no foot races, no velocipede riding; the main interest was- to see non multa, sed multuvi, how much there could be of so few people. And if these lines convince the readers of the truth of Milton’s lino, that “ They also serve who only stand and weight,” there purpose will have been accomplished.