Wit and Humour.

Cromwell Argus, Volume I, Issue 9, 5 January 1870, Page 3

Wit and Humour.

—o— J Which has most legs, a horse or no horse ? No horse, because no horse baa fivs Why was Pharaoh's daughter like a discounter of bills ? Because she got a little prophet (profit) out of the rushes on the banks. A Rocky Mountain editor, alluding to the demand for female suffrage, female doctors, and female clergymen, remarks that another want presents itself-~that of female woman. The young ladies of New York are now adopting the rdle of "sweet simplicity," and appear , at balls and parties in short muslin dresses with* out ornaments of any kind. The result is that offers of marriage are much more frequent than heretofore. "You'll never find his equal," said the Rev. I Mr Spriggings to a young widow. not; but I shall try," wa3 the answer. J A subscriber wishing to stop his piper wrote, | " I don't want your paper any longer," to which the editor replied, "I wouldn't make it any longer if you did." „ £ " My dear Polly," said Smith to his wife, " I am surprised at your taste in wearing another woman's hair on your head !"—" My dear Joe," returned his wife, " I am equally astonished that you persist in wearing another sheep's on your back. There now !" ■ "Come, darling, it is bedtime. All the little | chickens have gone to bed."—" Yes, mamma, so has the old hen." A furrier wishing to inform his customers that he re-cut old furs and made them up into fashionable styles, wound up his advertisement in this manner:—"N.B.—Capes, victorines, &c, mado up for ladies in fashionable styles out of their own skins." When the song " Kiss me" was first published, a sweet and blushing maid entered a bookseller's shop in New York, and requested the modest' clerk behind the counter for " Rock me to sleep." The piece of music was laid before her ; and sheasked for the " Waudering Refugee," which was also produced. " And now," said she, " ' Kiss ] Me.'" The young man blushed, stammered, J and begged to be excused. i A servant girl in the town of A , whose I beauty formed matter of general admiration and jfl discussion, in passing a group of officers in street, heard one of them exclaim to one of his I companions, "By heaven, she is Turning round, she very quietly replied, " Yes, ' sir ; and by heaven only !" The officer acknowledged the force of the rebuke, and apologised. A French master while on his way to a ladies' academy was thrown off his horse, and landed in a ditch. He was consequently covered with mud, and in order to apologise to the for the state in which he entered the roonHHBD slid, " Ah, madamc, 1 have fallen into de <nj| —" Oui, monsieur, I see it; and you are co\flH with the gravy." \ A New'iork Church which lately-tried ** j experiment of having the contribution b H passed by handsome young women, is i B called the " Church of the Holy Waiter Girls X Even Frenchwomen are disagreeable tojpH another. Only the other day two " delH friends" were in conversation. "My said the eldest, "do you know that your band told me last night that my cheeks wetSH like roses ?"—" Yes, love, I know he did. HjH spoke of it afterwards, and said it was a pitW they were yellow roses." MJ A young and very pretty lady riding on thM cars of the Western and Atlantic Railroad waWj observed to have a piece of court plaister on hej§| lip. When the cars had emsrged from the long dark tunnel on this road into the light, it was observed to have disappeared ; but the eye in- V stantly detected it clinjing to the lip 3 of a young man on the samo se.it with her ; they bath looked as innocent as if they hadn't bean doing nothing. "1 Two Irish soldiers, on a sultry night, irnma-J diately after their arrival in India, took rf tugofl underneath the bedclothes from a skirmishing! party of mosquitoes. At last one of them, gssp-S in» from heat, ventured to peep beyond the i-'dJIB warks, and by chance espied a firefly which bud 1 strayed into the room. Arousing his companion! with a punch, he said, " Fergus, Ferg>.i3 ! k's n-M use :ye might as well co.no out I Hero's ° 'jfl I of the craythers sarchin' for us wid a Unthurn^H