Wit and Humour.

Cromwell Argus, Volume I, Issue 8, 29 December 1869, Page 2

Wit and Humour.

When ia a man like a tea-kcttLe just on the boil ?—When he is going to sing. A Goon Retoht.- -A young wife remonstrated with her husband, a dissipated spendthrift, on his conduct. “My love,” said he. “I am only like the Prodigal Son—l shall reform hv-and-by.”—“ And I will be like the Prodioal Son, too," she replied, “ for I will arise and go to my; father," and accordingly off she went. A Wicked Firm.—The Illinois Iwhpmdmt says—“ A printer proposed to go into partnership with us last week. His name is Doolittle, and ours Steal. The firm’s name would sound very bad, whatever way you put it, — ‘ Steal and Doolittle,’ or ‘ Doolittle and Steal.’ We can’t join—one of ns would soon be in the poor house, and the other in the penitentiary.” M. .Leroys, of the French Institute, relates that when he once threatened a little damsel “ that if she didn’t behave properly he would tell everyone he knew.” The child responded, “Well, that doesn’t trouble me. - ’ —“And pray why not?” he asked.—“ Because,” replied the precocious little philosopher, “ there are a great many more people that you don’t know, and they will never hear anything about it.” “Tvr me a Ballad, ladye fayre, my ladye a a ballad typ,” and ye man he twirled ye black moustache that covered his upper lyp. She lays asyde her ’broyderie—for his love she stryvos to wyn —and to a weird-like ayr the ladye fayre attunes her mandolyn. “I do not cayro for a wyld romance of yo days of old,” says he, “ but rather I’d hear, if my ladye please, some touching melodic.” And over ye laclye’s musyc hook, yo gallant soldier leans, whyle she sings wyth a sweet and angel voice, “Captain Jynks of ye Horse Marynes.” A Quaint Epitaph.--From a contemporary we take the following mortuary advertisement:— “ Beneath this stone, in hopes of Zion, Doth lay the landlord of the Lion ; His son keeps on the business still, Designed unto the heavenly will.”

A citizen of Washington onoo rang at the door of the British Minister, and telling the servant that he had important business with his master, was shown into an ante-room, where ho was soon joined by that official, when the fol lowing dialogue took place : —“ May i ask, sir, what business it is you have with me?”—“ Certainly, sir. It is just this : in passing your house I learned that you had a whist party hcr-s, s to night, and as I am remarkably fond ona, the game I thought I would just step in ar *ry see what are trumps.” The sublime imp.. , donee of the thing so amused the minister y.r.j lie invited tho intruder into the room where the guests were assembled, and introduced him as “tho most impudent man in America.” Dbsavinu the Baste.—“l engaged,” says a tourist, “ a chaise at Galway to conduct me seme few miles into the country, and had not proceeded far when it pulled up at the foot of a hill, and tho Irish driver came to the door and opened it. “ What arc you at, man ? This isn’t where I ordered you to stop.”—“ Whist, yer honor, whist!” Said Paddy, in an “lam only‘desaving the baste.’ I'll just' bang the door ; he’ll think then he’ll cut up the hill like Quid don't !”