Page 2 Advertisements Column 6

Clutha Leader, Volume IV, Issue 183, 11 January 1878, Page 2

"■-■- ' ''"^mtMyy, ''• _' "* » ' — - " A little nonsouse now and then, Is' relished by the wisest, men." -.. Life is a stormy, and dangerous voyage. The , vessel we start in — ous cradle— is childhood's first rock. A little Philadelphia girl :•— " Bless papa and mamma, and oh 1 please don r t let the baby squall to-night. Amen.'' The tombstone of a coroner, who hangeil himself, has this inscription upon it — " He lived and died by sui- ■': cide." , •-.-.".. Even if a boy is" always whistling, v I want, to be an angel," it is just as well to keep the preserved pears on the top shelf of the pantry. A Baltimore belle, just from Yessur College, when told by a waiter that they „ had no gooseberries, exclaimed, " What '; has happened to the goose f" . An American paper, speaking of a family that made a fortune out of whisky, says " tbey live on Twenty-third-stre-H,, , in a perfect delirium termens of splen- y dour." t ; An exchange said that it tried, the gallantry of a Frenchman to have a Chicago woman borrow his pocket ■;..■ handkerchief to wipe her poodle's nose with. That was a scrupulous^. lady in Bos- • ton who refused to meet her lover-— Justus bis name was— at home, because she heard her minister say that Justus 7. should always be meeted out.A Kentucky judge has very kindly 7 consented to postpone a hanging a > couple of weeks, in order that it may"'add to tbe pleasant and attractiveTtea- ; ; tures of a Sunday school pic-nic. X A small child being asked by a Stin-»;7 day school teacher, "What did the^ : Israelite's do after tbey had crossed the:;,: Red Sea ?" answered, " I don't know, 7 ma'am, but I guess they dried them "A selves." •'* n Tbe editor of a country paper, in 7 speaking of a newly-invented " metallic ). coffin," says they are fast coming into i fashion, and are highly recommended A by those who have used them:— Dublin* paper. A. A belle's watering-place outfit:. — 7 Dresses to sit in, and stand in, and ; walk in; dresses to dance in, and flirt *j in, ancl talk iv ; dresses for breakfast, A 3 and dinner, and ball ; dresses in which A L- to do nothing at all." y\ y "Have you any boned turkey V 7 . ii I asked a hungry customer in a Nevada -7 restaurant, The proprietor laid hist • hand on his revolver and cried, " Noin-^fi fc serations here young* man I We're; honest here, and don't • bone ' nothir/l" 'A, The " Philadelphia Bulletin " saysr-i^ "Col. Robert lnger-=oll, while in Cali-pij fornia last month, had his faith in* the 1 story of David and Goliath much re-ul f freshed by tbe spectacle of a man,| weighing 250 pounds hotly pursued by-^ . an exasperated bum bio -bee?' I A Misunderstanding. — A northprn^ English rector used to think it polite X noc to begin service before the arrival X 3 of tbe squire. A little while ago- he" f I forgot his manners, and began, " When. X I the wicked man " " Stop, sir," cried | the clerk, " he ain't come yet." ■'■■'% 1 A Smart Answer. — A minister, in :; l 1 one of his parochial visits, met a cow^ ; | - herd, and asked him what o'clock it was. J \ " About twelve, six*," was the reply. rf (i Well," quoth the minister, " I thought!! it had been more," " )t's< never any,| more here," said the boy, " it just beginsTi again." >Jf If you pass through the benroost|S with careful eye just now iyou; will'^l notice a certain sadness creeping over | ' the countenances of the old hens". It| is not simply the knowledge that they ? | must die, but the thought that tbey j » must be sold for young chickens after?, [ they are laid out. X A widower had five rrrown daughters*! > who wouldn't let. him take a second?! t wife. He gave up the wife, but bought I a savage dog, and now won't allow "a* A man to cross his door-sill. If he can't! 1 marry, the girls sbant, he says. But-| the girls will give in by-and-by. Theyi*| • can't stand that sort of thing for .ever. :| : A Pennsylvania Dutchman, who'.j married his second wife soon after the*| ' funeral of the first, was visited with a -| two hours' serenade in token, of, s dis-;| approval. He expostulated patbetically ji thus :— -" I say, poys, you- ought to be| ■ ashamed of yourselfs to, be making all "| dis noise yen darvas : a funeral here ao.l soon." •*' -".", . ""'•' " "I " All French dresses " says a fashion | writer, " now set closely to the outlines I of the figure withou"; compressing!* it.". | if you wish to know how your wife w'illi look in one, take the lady "in her night-?: | gown and hold her under the, sho\yer-i| .bath._. The garment will set very closely;! indeed", and what she will complain,"6f | will certainly not be compressipb. ...fl} y A Colorado paper prints thetoliowing | opinion of women, as expressed by al young man known to its repofter:-^!! have recently gin up all iflea of vyimmen.i folks, and come, back to; perlitical, lifet-M I am more. at. home in ;thj[s!)ine.'tHair' j huntin' tbe fair sects. Angels in petti- j ;coats an d j kiss-me-quicks are] pretty^te-ff look at, I gin in,, but they are as J pery as eels ; when you fish for 'em andjl get a ; bite, you find, .yourself at btliefl wrong end of the hook— you're ketched^l ; .yourself j and when you've • stuffed' :, em : -j .with fruits, doggeries, and jewelierytfl ;tbe y ; V}}) .; th^w 5v yotf away H^e' ateqidli potato. : LesfwiseV'that is my experience. M But I've done with.^m/r.The Qneen^f J Shleba^ Pompey's ls Piilar,; and |Lot^^^. M •With;."! a steam engine to Kohi -^e^l would't tempt me. .'The sight ota.boa*-:i \ net riles> me all over;.