Facetiæ.

Clutha Leader, Volume III, Issue 139, 9 March 1877, Page 2

Facetiæ.

"A little nonsense now aDd then, i Is relished by the wisest men.''

Too 7g rate a luv) ov popularity makl! a munky ov a man* M 'An old hulk' of a husband is \{m wreck of a courtship. H What tree bears the most fruit im market ? — The axle-tree. fl A jealous man iz all wuss anxious m beleave^what he. doubts, the most 11 When may a bird be said fo o'ccu[|| a feather bed ?-— When, it sleeps upfl the wing. y ' According to one definition, a • bacli^f is a man who has lost the opportuniTl! of making a woman [miserable. r| I have seen folks who was violent.^ oppozed to; gambling,- simply bekm||f they had- found out that' they couldti| win, . . { AH

Young man, mark yure goose upljij ,two-thirds ov the world hay no otli§| idea of value, only by the price thatsjf put upon things. pA A horse-dealer was asked' if an aniit|gj which lie offered for sale was tinrlt " JNot at all," said he ; "he often \mm many nights by himself in the stablelfg Consolation. — Thero is said to iff j something very consoling for every il|j|| this life. For instance, if a] man i|| bald-headed, his wife can't pull hi's W3§ A ghiss-blower's apprentice, chniikfl a butterfly round a field, shouted tojilf boy who opened the gate, " Hey, l-AA shut tbat gate, thoo'll let the butterlAi oot!" y " You wouldn't take me for twen! 77 would you ?" said a young lady tS$ looked much younger to an old bachw -* •' Take you for twenty '!■'' he exclaims YS << yes, for Hie." Misunderstood. — " Why, Jennie, r'S look good enough to cut," said a lovr. .--• husband to his wife one morning-- A breakfast. " Well, I'm eating as' I; ; as 1 cm n,- hi n't 1?" ■ A Grand Talent. — -A Mississippi;. in bragging about his wife, wound: with th", declaration, " VVhy, she'd m? a regular high -pressure, .stenmej-, slisuch a talent for blowin<r-ui> !'' GJreed and innocence. — " It was ye greedy of you, Freddy, ta eat ye little sister's share of cake." — ; " Wi 7' via, didn't you tell me that 1 uu always be sure and take her part V Some people are never contentAlter having all their limbs broke : their heads smashed^ and their bnr knocked out, they will actually go law, and try to get further damages. Union is Strength. — The dentists the United States have been lioldi: a convention, for the purpose, as 1. , chairman said, of devising some inesr whereby they could all pull together. A jockey who incautiously bun. his fingers by taking up his toast liv the fire, and broke the plate by lettL . it fall, observed that it was too bod lose the plate after having won the lit " Why don't you wheel that bun. of coal, Ned ?" said a miner to owr his sons; "it is not a very hard j: There is an inclined plane to relit: 7 yon." "Ah," said Ned, "the pla: A may be inclined, but bting me if I an Sam Slick says, " Whenever af'ellei. too lazy to work, he gets a liceih sticks his name over the door, calls it tavern, and nine chances to ten but! makes tbe whole neighbourhood as la: and worthless as himself." A man was. indicted at the assizes; Tralee for felony. His. innocence iv: clearly proved, but* notwithstaadk that the jury found hhu guilty. Ti 7 judge was astonished,- and said,"'!: prisoner's innocence was clearly proved *' les," said the fbreuiiiri, 1 " he is inn cent of this crime now brought agaitr him, but lie stole my mare la.Christmas." Uncle Dick, a Vieksburg negro ? years old, with three marriage:! 1 ): daughters kicking their heejs und ir ib dinner- table, leaned over Ins gate l.i> night, and remarked: — "You see, )l Cosgrove, those ar' gnrls bea had Sa chances to many,, hut de- ole ui:iliain't no fool. Lot?- o' young nigii-ffc cuius s|)()(»niu' suound he-di, with hiton df're wool an' new puper -collars on bnt thn)* hain't got no stamps. I: would only he takin a noder bn'der Dere's heaps ob pour trash fl*, in' aroiini Mr (Josgrove, and doze g-ds has got to hal) a pile ob watchin', dey hea"

A correspondent at ivasbon, Pennsylvania', says thab a few days since" guest at one of the hotels in that pine* asked for a napkin at dinner. lii. landlord declined .to give, him one. " Bu:," said the guest, ''that niun at tbe olhpr table has o-.;e." ■' That man/ exclaimed mine host, "is a reguii. boarder, and has just got back from t!i" Centennial. 1 must* pan'dei' to him fra day or two ; but it .won't be long before he's wiping his mouth on the tablecloth, like the rest of the gentlemen. 'So, stranger, we don't allow any style here as a regular thing, but vye caul help ourselves sometimes."

Youth v. Age — A little girl, fl***" years of age,. was equally fond of liemother and her grandmother. 1 1 beirtf the birthday of the latter, her mother ; said to her, " My dear, you musi pray to God to bless your grandmamma, aud that she may live to . be ; very old I The child looked with some surpris - * »• 7 her mo'.ht-r, who, on perceiving it, said, 77 " Well, will you not pray to God tt ;; bless your grandmamma, and that ?'» fi A may be, very old V " Ah, mamma," 7 said the child, "she is very old already' Si I will rather pray that she may becoinfl very young," f|