Facetiæ.

Clutha Leader, Volume III, Issue 138, 2 March 1877, Page 7

Facetiæ.

* — —^ "A little rioilsonse now and tiieri, Is relißhed by the wisest men." ■ ; Songs of the Desert;—" The cam>l}? ate coming;," ''The bells they «»«.i ringing- for Sahara," " Johnny Sarid^ " and "Scheikh domes! 'tis she herself!"' " Simple Simoon" ia not appropriate. "Boys," said an American teachr}', holding- up her right forefinger to nniloi the scholars attentive, •' what is Indi.-.n \ meal composed of?'* And a little h.i%> on the buck seat got up and answered, "* Please, ma'am, toast missionaries.'* Honeymoon Amenities. — Angelina ■{ (who has befin perusing- the " Dirthw j Deaths, and Marriages"! — " Edwin, ! | do so object to thiit horrid word ' relict,. 1 I If I should die, Edwin, promise, o'i, j promise, you will not allow me td bit I described as your relict !" — Punch. f A Short Oefid ~A sdeptical younjz 1 I man, one day conversing with, tlm ] celebrated Dr Parr, observed that he* \ would believe nothing that he Could not j understand ; at which the Doctor j grimly said, " Then, young man, your" j creed will be the shortest of any man 1 .-* I know." . A lady was engaged in domestic) \ aftairs when some oue rang the street* ) door bell, and the Roman Catholic! j servant-girl was bidden to say her* ji mistress was not at home, Sheanswered, I ** Yes, ma'am f and, when I confess td j the priest, shall I confess it as yoiif sin , or mine ?" \ Master Tommy's View 6f It— ATastei 1 »| Tommy (who had been Very naughty, ?| and was now amusing- himself With his "ii Scripture prints)—" Here's Daniel in j' the lion's den !" Mamma (incau'riouslv) y — " Ah, what was he cast into the lion's j den for?" Master Tommy (with | triumph) — " 'Cause he was good."— •* ji Punch. Of Course She Would— for Bettter" | for 1 Worse !-^-Says an American paper j j edited by an " Advanced Woman":—^ I "We hear that seventy thousand dollars J .have been laid aside as the fruits of | Kellogg' s experiment in English | ■opera • and she would' just like to see I any man step up and propose to tales | charge of it — that's all !" | After looking at the picture of a I spouting 1 whale for a long 1 time, a little* 1 boy seemed to become thofe and more | puzzled. At last he turned to 1 his uncle, $ and, pointing 1 to the picture, said, I " Uncle Ned, what is that 7" 'pa being 1 | told that it was a whale, lid looked at it I again, and said, "Oh my", doesn't he | sneeze an awful long way ?" 1 All One Wool. — There is a story ot | a dialogue between two Lowland Scotch- | men, a farmer and a tradesman; The i| farmer takes up a fabric, and th« follow- |f ing questions ensue • "Oo V " Ay, oo.'' || " Ah oo ?** « Ay, ah oo." "Ah ac oo V* | i " Ay, ah ac oo."--That is \. " Wool?" % " Yes, wool." " All wool ?" « Yes, ji all wool." "All one wool?" "Yes, | all one wool." f> ! The Sulky and the Sociable.— -A gen* | tlemaa and his wife were reduced from p a life of splendour and luxury* by un- ;1j avoidable misfortunes, to a more Mode* || rate way of living. The husband had >| been since their misfortunes extremely jf morose and gloomy, and it was a lively x | reply of his wife that caused a change* fi " Wife," said he, one mornings " my J affairs are embarrassed; and it is neces* V| sary I should curtail my expenses. I if should like to have your opinion as to || the reduction.'* — " My dear husband," || said she, " I shall be perfectly happy if j| you get rid of the stilJct/ anil let us ? | retain the toeiable." '■$ As poor insane George* 111. was one || day breakfasting at Kew, the great M scarcity of beef which was then pre-* | vailing in England became the subject |! of conversation. " Why do not people || plant more beef?" asked the King. M Upon being told that beef could not be $ raised from seed; he seemed still in* ?j| credulous, and took some bits of beef- Pi steak, and went into the garden and t$ planted them. The next morning ha i| went out to see if they had sprouted} 1 and found some snails. Thinking they || were oxen, he was heard calling our, m *' Here they are 1 Here they are, ll Charlotte, horns and all I s * " | The Secret out about English Loco* f| motives. — A lurk who professed to | understand all about railways explained <|; the whole thing 1 to a crowd of gaping 1 'M listeners, his own countrymen. One ot't-t the audience afterwards gave a sum* |.!| mary of the lecture thus to an English fi listener : '< Why, Teheilaby," he asked, !| " is it not a fact, as ths lecturer told us, ;i| that in England you trap a strong 1 J young devil, and shut him up in that : 4 great fire-box on wheels, where you ff induce him to turn a crank connected i| with the wheels, and pay him for doing 1 -f so by giving him cold water to allay hia J tortures ?" ;f A Short Tail.— Won ■ dey last week, | eye set fourth to Rome oar" the planes '$ and threw the veils. The Skye Was ill fare and blew, and the lo son through ii| his pail raise ore the sghh. Dear, yews, j| nnd hairs were gambling* ott Wonif sighed, while on my write rows long'il strait ro\Vs of niazo, ato feat hie ol l sew, ']| and as fresh f.s roms and clues could |f make them, " Owe," snid eye, razing M one of the suite colonels to my knows, ;| (< surely this plant has know pier jjj among the serials ! Sen the rich hewi| of* its waiving lief — its flour like a lockfl of silken hare — rs golden cede, its roso^-l of colonels, which maid into flour and'} lj then into doe or bred, charm hour i j| pallets. It foods knot man. alone, but' j the foul of the heir and fish of the soiiw.^l