LAMB CUTLETS.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 98, 26 May 1876, Page 3

LAMB CUTLETS.

A retired cheesemonger,' who Mted any allusion to the. businessiwhieh had enriched him, once remarked to Charles Lamb, in the course of a discussion on the Poor Law — •' You must bear in 'mind, 'sir, that I have got rid of all that stuff which you poats cull the ' milk of human kindness.' " JLainb looked at him steadily, and gnvo his acquiescence in these words — " Yes sir, I am aware of it; you turned it all into cheese several years ago." The following amusing anecdote .of Coleridge, Lamb. without doubt, hatched in his own hoax-loving brain : — " f was,'* he said| " going from my house at Enfield to the India House one morning, and was hurrying, for I was rather late, when I met Coleridge on his way to pay me a visit. ,He was brimful of some new idea, and, in spite of my assuring him that time was precious,he drew me within ■* the door of an unoccupied garden by the roadside, and there, sheltered from observation *by a hedge of evergreens, he took riie.by. the button, of my coat, and, closing his eyes, commenced an eloquent discourse., waving his right hand gently as the musical words flowed in un unbroken stream fr.om his lips. I listened entranced ; but the striking of a church cluck recalled. me to r a. .sense of duty, f saw it was of no use' to attempt to break away, so, taking advantage of liis absorption in his subject, I, with my, penknife, quietly severed the button, from my coat, and decamped. Five hours- afterwards, in' passing the ' sanie garden on my way. home^ I heard Coleridge's voice j and, on looking in, there he was, with iclosed eyes— the button in his. fingers--and his right hand gracefully waving, just as when I left him. He had never missed me."

Lamb's infirmity. of stammering was worth an annuity to him as an ally of wit. Firing under cover or that advantage, he did triple execution j for, in the first place, the distressing sympathy of th« hearers with his .distress of utterance won for him' unavoidably the sileace of deep attention ; and then, whilst he had us all hoaxed into this attitude of mute suspense by an appearance of distress that he perhaps did not really feel, down came a plunging shot into the very thick of us, with ten times the effect ii would else have had. If his stammering, however, often did him true " yeoman service^" sometimes 'it led him into scrapes, Coleridge told me of d ludicrous embarrassment 'whish it caused him at Hastings Lamb had been medically advised to a course of sea bathing, and accordingly, at the door of his bathing machinp, whilst he^ stood shivering, with cold, two stout fellows laid hold of him, one at each shoulder, like heraldic supporters. They waited for the word of command from their principal, who began the following oration to them : — " Hear me, men ! Take notice of this — I am to be dipped." But what more he would bnve said is unknown to land or sea ; for, having reached the word 4< dipped," he commenced such a r.-llins 1 fire, of di-di-di-di, that 'when at length he descended' cb plomf)- upon the' full word dipped the two men, rather tired oft the long suspense, became satisfi«d that they had reached' v t\ie ■ operative clause of the sentence, -and -both exclaiming, " Oh, yes, sir,: were quite aware of that," down they plunged him into the sea. On emerging,' f Lamb solibed so much from the cold- that he iound no voice, suitable to, his ; indignation, ,Fipm . necessity he'seemed 1 tranquil, arirT again addressing the men, who stood respectfully listening 1 , he began thus : — " Men I is it possible to obtain" your attention ?" •" Ob, surely, sir, by all uiHans." *?Theu listen. Oncn more, I tell .yoii,JT nm to be di-di-dP — arid then, with'a buiW of indignation, "dipped, -I-^hII, -you.-" " Oh, decidedly, sir," rejoined th« meu, '* decidedly," and d6wn v the r; sttimtnerev went fpr a second time, with cold and wrath, once more? Lnmb made a feeble attempt at explanation/with; '.'Grant -me pa-pa-pa tjeuce ;is it miira-uin-murder you . me-mean 't Again and a-ga-ga-gairi, I tell yoii, I am to bu cii-di-clippp.il/'now speaking furiously, and with the voice of an injured man. ." Oh, yes, sir," the men replied, " we know that ; we fully unders«\md it," and, for the third time, down went. Lamb into the sea. " Oh, limbs; of •"^atan !" he said, on coming up for tho ! h!rd time, "it's now tuo lute. I t«ll >'ou that E am— no; that I was — by medical direction; to ; be di-di r di-dipped only once." ' ' T.' 1