Facefià.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 81, 27 January 1876, Page 3

Facefià.

The ' Detroit Free Press ' has heard that a certain woman is writing; a -lec--ture on " Woman's Duties," and cruelly suggests that her first duty is burn the •manuscript. , '" ; . Everyone knows what '" acrostick " means j but namby-pamby poets do not know what a-cross-stick an editor can be when he has to read .bushels of Buch nonsense. The red-headed woman, who stuck her head out of a window on a dark night lately, and caused an alarm of fire, has been put under bonds to keep her " light " less exposed till the next new moon/ " I am afraid, sir, you are in a settled melancholy," said a landlady to a miser-able-looking lodger. "No madam," he replied, "my melancholy won't settle ; like. your coffee, it has too much grounds." ?' How are ye, Smith ?" says Jones* S.raith pretends, not to know him, and replies hesitatingly, " Sir you have the advantage of me," — " Yes," retorts Jones, " I s'pose so ; everybody has that's got common sense." An exchange says " the Sandwich. Islanders believe that Beelzebub walks the earth in the form of a woman," And now and then you will find a man in this country who believes so too, and that, he has married the woman. A Brooklyn editor says that disease is propagated, by soap—the animals that die 'of certain diseases are made into soap grease, arid the diseases are introduced into, the pores of one's skin and conveyed through the body. We always knew the Brooklyn editors had some good reason for avoiding the use of soap. . ; An old fellow, prowling through an. alley, came upon a lot of half-decayed oranges, which had just been thrown, out. He was sorting them over, when a boy came along, and, taking in the situation in an . instant, he shouted, "Them's put there to pizen dogs, mister, and if you bite into one of them, you're a dead man !"" The old fellow moved off, and the boy sat down and stuffed until he was orange- colored clear round behind his ears. One of the constant readers of the testimony in the Beecher case is said to be acting very strangely lately. A few nights ago,, while at "supper, he as* tonished his wife by saying, "Mt pure angel, I am hanging on the ragged edge of despair, and really feel as if I needed some paroxysmal kisses." His wife told him he could not get anything but the regular home article around here, ahd that if he spouted any more of such trash at her, she would knock all the inner consciousness out of him with a flat iron. He is now convalescing . . . Mr Curran, being retained against a young officer, who was indicted for a assault, opened the case in the following manner : — " My lord, lam counsel for the crown ; pnd I am first to acquaint your lordship, that this soldier — "-_-■ fray, sir," says the military hero, " I would have you know sir, lam an officer!" — " 0, sir, I beg your pardon," said the counsellor, very dryly; "why, then, ray lord, to speak more correctly, this officer, who is no soldier." -•,-.... The following advertisement appears .under the head of" A Wife Wanted," in a Yankee paper :— " Any gal what's got a bed, a coffee pot, skillet, knowshow.to cut out britches, can make a huntih' shirt, and knows how to take care of children, can baV-*- my service till death parts both on us," . The." heart "- is the, best, card in the chance game of matrimony— --sometimes overcome by dimonds and knives, often, .won by tricks, and occasionally treated in a shuffling manner, and then cut altogether. A new .religious vagary in Calfomia is a sect of "'Child Christians," who interpret literally, the passage, " Except ye be converted and become as little children, .ye shall no t/enter the kingdom of Heaven." They' endeavor to feel and act like children,, playing childish games and adopting an infantile manner '6f speech. • ' ■jThe fallowing colloquy took, place lately, between,kn inquisitive gentleman and a butcher boy :— " What are youi* politics?" said : the ; gentleman. "The master's, sir."—- 1 What are the mas--ter's ?"— " Mine, sir."— ■" What's your name ?"~" My name," replied the boy, " is the same as.father's." — " And what is his name ?" said the gentleman. "It is the same as mine."-—" Then what are both .your names?" — " Why they are both, alike," said the boy. Tha gentleman walked away, aud the boy shouted " Anything more, sir ?"