Sacetiae.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 76, 23 December 1875, Page 7

Sacetiae.

<4 A littlo nonsense now and fhen, 1b relished by tha wisest mon." An affectin/ si^tit. — To sec a young man swunpuit: los es with a pre'ty eirl, Ab-enee makes the h«.a-tg»ov fonder— off"*me one else. Wh'.tis the military definition ofa kiss P R"T»<>rt a' headquarter*. W'-tn you gtt into hot wabr, go to } our friends - ; you'll find them cool enough. Sambo astonished a Kentucky postmaster the other day by inquiring for «' stamped antelopes." Why are ripe potatoes in the ground like thieves? B. cause they ought to be taken up. A Canadian Indian has accomplished the feat of runni'-p 12 miles an horr Hia wife chased him tht* firs; two mil* 9, however. Nrthirig so much destroys a man's neace of mind as to h»ar a woma'i expr. ss'he intention of giving him a (ieceot her* A 3'oung lady in a spelling roa f ch finished 'ier ''education" with a 'shun." !She " ctne out " immediately alter. Very M<>de*t — A certain young lady wfHs po modest that, while at a wateri g' place, fihe refused to pp.- t-k to her )ove r , li'er he shocked her Viy asking her to walk ivuh him, ani ccc the heaving but-om of tho ocean. A Yankee Reporter. — Barnum's hilloontaraer, Donaldson, recently took a Western reporter on a voysge with him, and after -hey had pot above the clouds the reporter Jell out. . J)v a'd9on was horror-stricken, and dec^nded immediately to find the scribe i"diiirg an account of '- How it feels to fall from heiven." He had struck on hi* chetk. ''No, gentlemen of the jury," thundered an-I'.quent advocate the other day inn Denvei c mrt. " this matter is for his honour 'o decide, who 9itsthr<•(>le?piog , -obeaut^ful. , * Hi-* Honour opened both eyes and his mouth and said, "All owing to 3 our narcotic 9,>teeh. sir. ' Some time since a centleraan died in the fown o 1 X, who during his hfe rehire! to t'eliveina'iO'hfr world. Two or three w.-eks .••tt'-r his demise. Lis wife received through \ medium a comunicaMon which reads as follows : " Dear wife : I now beiiuve. Please send me my thin clothes " A train of seventeen heavily-l^den camels starred from Tripo'i on the 28 h ult. to crosathede crt of S-thar* ' T>>ey are c trying a oomph t:- lib r ary of the Beecher scan' ilal into the regions of Cen'.ral Africa.— Brooklyn Ar, m. Our oafan ?avs, " Ldi^s should remember to keep their m mths phut when sioing ou> <>fa warm room into the cool air. In f-tct," he further renarke, (i it would'nt hurt, any thing to keep th. ni shut most of time?." That youth will play ia another key wen he's a bi- o'der.— American paptr. "Oh, pray let me luve my way this time, «a ; d a }oung gentleman to hi 9 lady love, 7 Well, Wil ie, I "upo^ee I raustthia time; bat yon kno » that a r »er we are married, I -hall always have a Will of my own." A distressed mother writes to a paper for advice, which fhegeti*, tbu«lv : "The only wiy tc cure your foi of staying out late at ni-hta is to b enk his legs, or e's** the calico he run* with to (, o y ur house- work." A male convict at Cayenne obtained per* mission to marry a feu-ale convict ; but an the man was a widower, the governor declared it was nectary first to ob'ain the certificate of t^e death of hi* fl r st wife. A communication «as addr-.Q-ud to the authorities but without any reply. The convic insisting that the cerem >ny shnuU he no lo ger de'aved, the governor said, v B>;t what is there to prove that jour first wife is dead ?" Tne reply of tbe convict w<« tolerably satisfactory on this point: "Why." he said, "I'm here lor having assissinated h r." A Dutchman exou«ps bis Mormanite prnpensiti a thus: — "Th- clerpymaus s y sixt'-en wid my fu^t vile a» 1 1 >ok her. Ho says 'Hans,' says he, 'you shall take sixteen dis wi*e ; — You takes four patter, four vor?er, four richer, and four boorer — and four times mak' s s'xtecn.'' A Sydney editorhtm the following placarl nooted ru'sile of his office — -Tirm? U mon-y.' Th- 1 editor is not to be s-en ; if you insist the first five minu'es a eove?e : gn, a quarter fan hp.iir four sovereigns, half- an hour fifteen pounds, after which every one will be - j cted by the window Enraged musician : " I tbnusht yon told me this was a quiet villa! Z-uodsl Here, the very first morning comes one of those d- sb stable organs!" Landlady : " Well, sir; yea. sir* but. you see. my canaries can't do without th<ir mornifj' horgan, had I 'nought von'd ' nve no hobjection to the 'irmony of a brother bartiat Logic.— -"Eat your bread, Charles ; do not ; flir>g it away," said a learned md a good iudge to one of his family ; addinor. for who knows, in the vicissitudes of this life, if you may noisome day want it " The o'd gentleman had to couuh look learned, and go away when thsyounsster answered mo'e iosr'callv " Tf I eat it, how cm I have it when I want i* ?" This is the result ofa learned judge having chilc'ren. May is considered an unfortunate marry* i'i£ mon'h. A yankee e-h't)r siva. that a srirl was askfd.m.the month of January to unite hcself in the silken tie to a lad, who nnpied May\m his , proposals. , The lady tcnoVrly hinted that Ma v wns an unlucky rronth for marrying*. "Well, make it June, then," honpstlv rep-'^d theswaio, anx-oua t.* accommodate. The damsel paused a mo nent, hesrated, c**' down her eye?, and safd, with a blush, "Wouldn't April do as well?" A gentleman related the following simhle of country 'cuteness : — "The ile fever was at its height, and lots o' smart people was pokin' about for ile, -specially two Ymkee fellows as was alwavn a hanging lhout my friend's. locatfoa. Wall, sir, all on a sudden jbev makes a grand discovery, md by accidentia tastioor; a pool o* water 'lie, ile!' cries, they, and down on thfj r knef a tbey gees to sniff and ' taste. They c^uildn'r. glye qyer.tasVn-y- it-, wns so;nasty. Arter this they, mike's tracks to my friend's p'acp, andi * Have you any ohjecshun to sell this farm ?' ees thpy. •Ns'y a one/ sea he/if you'll yi^e me'my price for it,' whioh K> jcpu^e they did : five times the vally. ses it>y friend; « heri they'd .made it ill pqnare in wriring,* may I ax why you've oaid such a price' foV this old farm, &c?' 4 He,' ses th^y t * < oir t o r old critture, we've found^ile. , Where V sea he, a-erinn-in!Jik&a-S6^n^il( iTQj:iny:,iarl broke the table lamp over it this mornin'.' The way 7hena two yankees slunked out was a caatibn." • ! - • • -••...'-