Racetiæ.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 62, 16 September 1875, Page 7

Racetiæ.

"Alitfcle 4 n6nsenseinov r ai^thenJ A Is rehshedby the wisesirmen^'^- --■-- > An old title.in._a ; jiew_Jight. — Law's serious call : a bill of costs. J.odular. Entbmoidgyv -—: Professor : Define a beetle? Pupil: A* coalyhopteous insect. • - If a railway train that Is run into ]>y another is telescoped, a man i who is run into by a wjld steer- must be .-} ste(e)rebscoped. ' ' ! - v r An enqu.iring.man ..thrust his fingers into a horse's mouth to see how many teeth .he', had. The horse closed his mouth to see how many fingers ihe*. man had../ The. curiosity of each wasv"\ fully satisfied. "Jr An Indian clergyman sued a news- ' paper for libel; arid dropped dead within a week. The < Detroit Free Express ' says these fellows will learn something by and by. In the streets of Leicester, one day,' Dean Swift was -accosted by a drunken .. weaver, who staggering against him, said, "I've been spinning it. out." " Yes," said the Dean, " and now you are reeling it home." A Racy Notion;3~Fa?t young ladies, like fast race-horses, often win by a bare neck, and yet with this dif- , ference — ther/horse'ii victory is due 7to space covered quickly, the young ladies' j to space not covered at ail. : ■' ' •'< I Antique Devotion to Women.— The greatest discovery at Pompeii is that of a woman making fire in a cook stove, while her husband is- in bed and asleep. She was a noble woman. ' "Ay-j we're a down-trodden: set, wa working men and poor folks. There's the Glaimantr— he 1 would have got his rights long ago if he had not been a butcher's son.". A Parisian music dictionary defines "a shout" to be " an unpleasant noise produced by overstraining the throat for which great singers are well paid, | and small children well , punished." The word has a different mean: fig in Otago. : - . : President Porter, of Yale' College, recently gave the following laconic advice to the students in the course of an extended address : — " Don't drink. Don't chew. Don't smoke. Don* swear. Don't deceive. Don't read novels. Don't marry until you can support a wife. Be earnest "Be self- ," reliant. Be generous. Be civil . Read the papers. . Advertise your business^ Make money,' arid do good with" it. Love God and your felidwrnen,*' An erring husband, who had ex- ". hausted all explanation's for late hours, and had no apology ready,, recently slipped into the house about one o'clock very softly, denuded hitriself ~ gently, and began rocking the cradle by the bedside, as if he had been awakened out of a sound sleep by infantile cries. He had rocked away for five minutes, when Mary Jane, who had silently observed the whole manoeuvre, said, " Come to bed, you fool, you ; the baby ain't there." ; • " A lady asked a silly Scotch nobleman how it happened that the ; Scotch who came out of their own country were, generally speaking, men of more ability than those who rerhained at home. " Oh, madame," he said, " the reason is obvious. At every outlet there are persons stationed to examine all who pass, that, for the honor of the country, no one be permitted to leave it who is not a man of understanding." " Then," said she, " I suppose your lordship was smuggled ?'' A' lover should be treated with the same gentleness as a new glove.j the young lady should drawn him on with the utmost tenderness at first, making the smallest, advance at a time, till dlie gradually gains upon him and twists him ultimately round her little finger j whereas the young lady who is hasty, and in too great a hurry, will never get a lover to take her hand, but be left with nothing but her wit at her finger's ends. Bos well observing to Johnson that . there was no, instance or' a beggar 1 dying for want in the streets of Scot- I -land, "I believe, sir, you 3 are; very 1 right,". says Johnson; "but this does I not arise frojn the want of beggars, bun fl the impossibility of starving^ alJScbtchman." .- ■ A philosophic self-possessed ship ,' t captain was passing thcough a church- \ yard at -.midnight, when a '.'sheeted ■■?, ghost " rose, iip behind^'tehVb'stoire and % approached .with .menacing gestures, f The ancient mariner colly raised his > stick"/ arid gavej him. a'cracjtiover the ' side of the head, asking him, " What; -fl he meant by being out of' his grave at w so latean-hour V:>: ■ '■ X'- :ih-.j,nv B