Alligators in the Kitchen

Chronicle (Levin), 7 February 1948, Page 6

Alligators in the Kitchen

• LONDON, Jan. 21." In these days of austerity new§papers "silly season" for the Britisli -Press, It -nsed to be the period when most regular stafl' writers took their hoiidays and the lineage men set- o'ut to catch the subeditor 's eye. Today, with the compulsory increase in newspaper : ' f streamlining ' the sub-editor's eye is less easil}' attraeted, but it still strays to stor-ies vyhieh serve to offset the daily pep-talk. Take, for instanee, the story of the two middle-aged • ladies of Chertsey, Surrey, who keep two alligators and a crocodile in their kitchen. The exigencies of newspaper production are such today that stories dealing with the trifling eccentricity of keeping poultry in the bedroom or r'abbits in the parlour pass inexorably towards the sub-edit-orial wastepaper basket. But the fully authenticated tale of 'Miss Thelma Roberts and Miss Enid Davis of 31, London Boad, Chertsey, who keep two Chinese crocodiles and an Egyptian alligator as pets, rated a 'full paragrapb. The Chertsey Town' Council was rather understandably concerned about the unusual guests at 31, London Boad, and wanted them sent to a zoo, b.ut to. date the Misses Boberts and Davis are still continuing to run their creche for stray crustaceans. '

. Then tliere is the story of 32 year-oid Ernest Evaus, 25 stone in weight and just under eight feet tall, and his search for a bed. The search for beds (and roofs to cover thjem) is so general rn Britain today that it scarcely rates as news, but Mr. Evans was judged worthv of a.photograph when it w'as found that it required tlvree six feet beds set side by side to make him coinfortable in a Middlesex liospital, Mr. Evans had har'dly been -settJed iu liis capacious nest when the story of the Man Who Asked His Wife For A Pound hit the overcrowded headlines. ' Large numbers of men have asked large num-' bers of wives for large numbers ot pounds without reaching the top of tlie column, but Alfred Gilbert, the latest in the long run of Oliver Twists allegedly made tlie ntistake of throwing a hand grenade when the pound was refused. This break of tradition has landed Mr. Gilbert in the cells of the Old Bailev. And then there was the story of the Bev. William Alfred Gibson, vicar oi All Saints Soutli Wimbledon, who. re- , fused the requests of two separate sets of parents to baptise their offspring. in the names of Lettuce and Pansy. /Bev. Gibson took his stand on the grounds that the offspring, being of less than the ,age of discretion, might not like these names when they reaclied years of. discrimination. d This was plainly too good to miss, and one of Britain 's most noted columnists whooped into action with a full column entitled, ' ' Wli,y NOT Call Her Lettuce 1" Tt was all strongly reminiscent of the censorious male (1948) who passed the time-honoured .remark: ,Bhe has a figure .like a saek. ofrpotatoes,' ' and was met with the rejoinder, " And what is wrong with ' -a back of potatoes,?'7 ... it*/.. ,s

In the; British, listi of 19-±S convlirsation topic; ;eggs rank only: one place beli'ind -potatoes. It was' therefore not mrprising tl\atVtfidiWelslnpan who left his Merionetliffarm^%h /a/«iren "•perckeds ; on the ■. bumpjer pi hi.s..car — and>whp; f 6und ii) atdll ; theite, ,.pl;us ' qn . ^g,;!fp^efi* he retiirried ffbui fasitwA andja-litil'fiihllbj drivev-aicMeved/the'. dlstinctioii' of wha'l: prihtbrsicall '/'a Lb'/x ' tlt/the to'p. pf thp' column. i • • . ; . Bo ' did tlie story of tlie Northants rat-catcher,. who. 'emiilated the Pied Piper by whistling rats out of their holes and who produced testimonials from satisiied customers to prove it. "AVossatt?" was the very appropriate hcading given by another paper to tlie story from the village of Maesteg, Glamorgansliire, where according to* an, in'dignant local correspondent, " Aurer ican visitors mistook the town hall for a prison. " The Maesteg Town Gouncii solved this difficulty by affixing the label "Neuadd Y Dref7' to the outside. of the building "Neuadd Y Dfef" means, in Welsh, "Town Hall/ ' but of course the Ainericans . should' have k-nown that. Otlier papers are being asked not to copy. Tlie British people are now very own-er-cohseious now that they lind they own th'eir railway, which possibly explains tlie prominence given this week to the story of the engine driver on tlie early-morning train from Hastings to Ashford who received a note from the wife of one of his new employers asking him to sound his Avhistle at a certain point on' the line. "We rely upon you to get my liusband up for„work/7 wi^bte •tlie lady, "and when you don't sound the whistle. we are in a fix."

Another story concerning. Britain 's uew-found railway owner-conscious concerned the gentleman who boarded tiic guard's van of a newspaper train at iving's Cross early in the morning announcing that he was a member of Parliament who had been kept late at the House and that "we can do what 'we like with the railways now" Caiolery,

elliortation, and admonition alike failed to mo ve him, until iinally- the statioumaster hit upon the expedient . of de tatching the van and shunting yt into a tunnel wliile he sent for the police. Iu the meantime, hoAvever, a period of re■ffection upon the pfoblems of railway management apparently "pursuaded the new owner that it would be better. to leave without a meeting of shareholders. ■Of couj-se, this clironicle eould go pn indefmitely, but it coul'd very Avell end with a story from France in aa'McIi the Britisli people have taken a sympkthetic interest. v It appears that Avhen Mr, Charles Ghaplin created the title of his latest filni, "Mousieur Verdoux/' he over locSfced the faet that a real 'MOdsieur 'Yerdoux 'was faithfully labourihg in a Paris bank. - M. Verdoux (of Earis) was uuderstandably upset by the penehaut for' wife murder disclosed by M. Verdoux (Hollywood), and took the matter to liis solieitors. He has now seen the lilm and remarlced, "I am sIioaa'u going to the guillotine. It is too lnucl^.,,