I adore men—but not 24 hours a day

Press, 15 February 1986, Page 14

I adore men —but not 24 hours a day

Veteran American singer Eartha Kitt shares her unconventional views on men and marriage with

ANDREW SIMPSON.

I have always been a loner. I don’t feel that I have to have a man around all the time. I like to have somebody around if I want them around — but only when I want them around, not necessarily when they want to be around. , That little piece of paper called a marriage certificate seems to me to say: “You have to do what I Want you to do; you have to be there when I want you to be there.” It’s so tiring! I ■ A family is a family — and I do believe in the family unit. But everyone should be able to do his or her own thing. To me the family unit means that everyone is a partner. The children should be responsible for helping out in the house — like picking up behind themselves and keeping their rooms clean — so that they don’t make unnecessary work for other people. i When my daughter, -- Kitt — was growing up she had to keep her own little world neat and tidy — and if she didn’t clean

up her own room, then it didn’t get cleaned. Mind you, I think my housekeeper cheated once in a while!

But I told Kitt from a very early age that she must be willing to accept responsibility for herself. And she must also learn the things that I consider a woman should know: how to sew, how to cook, how to keep house, how to hold a decent conversation, how to be an allround person so that she can fit in anywhere. So now she can speak three languages fluently — English, French and Spanish — and she can hold an intelligent conversation with just about anybody. We’ll always be very close. She sees her father whenever she wants to. I don’t think that the courts should interfere with visiting, so when I divorced Kitt’s father I did not stipulate when he should or should not visit her. That’s up to them. Kitt was just five years old when Bill and I split up. It was a reasonably amicable divorce. One day I just said to him:

“I’m going to go for a drive now — and when I get back I want you to be gone.” Nothing more than that. There was no fuss and no fighting nothing. By then I knew that I could not live with him any more and I decided to divorce him before my daughter got to an emotional stage when she would feel remorseful about it. It has been an abso-

lutely wonderful . experience being a mother. 1 wouldn’t have missed il for anything in the world. I’ve had such a wonderful time bringing her up by myself running all ovei the world with her in my arms. When she was a baby 1 often used to work at night and feed her backstage in between performances. She’s' 21 now and we both live in the same

apartment block in New York. I’m on the 29th floor and Kitt is on the 11th. That way we both get to realise moments ol privacy — but when we want to see each other we do.

Once a mother is always a mother — because you’re always thinking about where your children are, what they’re doing, whom they’re associating with. I know Kitt well enough by now to realise that she’s a very sensible girl with an extremely good head on her shoulders. That girl is not going to do anything stupid, because she likes herself and she has a tremendous amount of respect for herself — and for me. We both respect one another a heck of a lot — and neither one of us is going to do anything to hurt the other.

Besides, I have a public to be responsible to as

well. I have too much respect for the fact that it is the public who put me where I am today. They were the ones who took me out of poverty ... not some man. . ,

Our society brings us up to believe that if you don’t have a man around, you’re not a successful woman. Bullshit! He can have a wife at home, and

still be fornicating all over the place with a dozen other women — and nobody seems to look down on that. Not that I would want to behave in that manner, because I respect myself too much as a person. I am a one man woman — and I do not believe in fooling around with married men. I have too much respect for the marriage situation. And I certainly wouldn’t want another woman to fool around with my husband if I were married.

Society tells us that, we must have a man in the home. Something must be wrong with me if I’m not constantly seen out in public hanging on some man’s arm.

I adore men! I think they’re absolutely fantastic — but not 24 hours a day.

I know a lot of women would like to haVe a man in their life no matter

what kind of man he is. But I can’t do;that I’ve been able to take care of myself all these years arid I don’t need a man to pay all my bills. ’ I I think too that men get antagonised by a successful .woman, — or if a woman is intelligent. They feel threatened by that. You’re supposed to be a dumb little blonde and sit at home polishing your fingernails. Or if you’re a wife — . then you stay home and take care of the children and have the;.dinner on the table when the man comes home. ; It doesn’t matter what you’ve been doing outside, the dinner j must be on that table when he comes home. No matter how busy you’ve been. I did all that for five Jong years, but I very much doubt if I’ll ever many again. — Copwight Duo; ? ,z