Cruel and unusual punishment

Press, 9 April 1979, Page 19

Cruel and unusual punishment

In writing this, 1 (that I may be sailing a little; :close to the legal wind l'i | know from sources within (broadcasting that, appalled (by the news that criticism of “The Club Show” has been dismissed by its peripetrators as “intellectual (snobbery” and that those who produce it have threatened to keep doing so for years, a group of inter- • national civil-rights activists (ha- taken a case to the I International Court at The; lHague in an attempt to have] (the screening of “The Club’ Show” defined as a prohib-l ited “cruel and unusual punishment” under the Geneva (Convention. So, wary of commenting on what may well be considered subjudice, and not (wishing to impede any effort (to ban what can be considered the light entertainment (version of the dum-dum buljlet, I shall restrict mv comments on Saturday’s show to a mere synopsis, a bare description free from emotional (bias. Ernie Leonard and Glynn (Tucker began proceedings

..with a song. At least 1 took; lit to be a song, because they! jboth had microphones, they! were both swaying rhythmfcally and looking at each! other fondly as people sing-j ; ing a duet do, they were; ■ both saying the same words,) I and, somewhere in the back-1 > ground at the end of a long; ■ tunnel one could hear a; ■ band playing music that in! - other hands and in another) place might have gone rea-i tjsonably well with the spoiiken parts. : Ernie was wearing a coat )lof the colour normally used •Iby air forces to mark the ■ site of crashed aircraft to i enable recovery teams to 10-. ■ cate the spot in foul t weather; Glynn sported a ■ violent blue number that t .would have put Davina : Whitehouse to shame. They - chatted amiably for an t hour or two and then in- ■ troduced the first act, a lady ■ called Beaver, who did not ii look at all like a beaver and ■ certainly didn’t sing like I one, though I think I should have preferred to watch her ) building dams than hear her swinging.

I At one point she parted (company with the band for ’ (a while — it seemed like i hours, but it was probably (only several minutes — buCi (she covered it up remark-!) (ably well by swaying in anil embarrassed fashion and not uttering a peep until the : band, finally realised that) she could not be induced to!

i! •ising again no matter how 'Hong they chuntered on, ■'tossed it in and the audience broke into confused and re1 lieved applause. l Glynn rolled on to con- > gratulate Beaver, paw her i shoulders a little, and tell ..her that she seemed to have ; “all the significations of t having had a kiddy or two.” 1 Beaver seemed to understand s that remark, though it must 1 have confused more than •i myself, and she waved at rjher progeny in the audience, I the dear little soul.

Glynn waddled off and was replaced by a young man whose name eludes me land who sang a ballad or (two whose tunes eluded him. He was very relaxed and (looked nice and clean. Next came the new Miss New Zealand, an extremely (beautiful girl who told us I 1 i' how lucky she was and(

”what a hard-working mum ,!she had. She forgot to burst s I into tears of joy and mod- ■ esty at the end of the inter-! view, but otherwise everything went just right. •| It was about this point 11 that Gordon Dryden wan-! ■ Idered on. At first one had! fl the impression that he had ’lwandered onto the wrong' ijset, as, indeed, one might! still contend. Unlike most! 11 other performers on this I t'show, he did not inflict an! ,!act upon us other than his; ! usual air of muted surprise! (and disappointment that the | ! nation has not yet called; ’upon him, the Buckminster Fuller of talk-back shows, to jsave it in its hour of need, j “The Silver Shot” went a 'bit wrong in that one of the! I contestants actually man-| I aged to hit a target this! I week and win half a dozen!

I bakelite picnic cups or a letj tuce presser or something. The crossbow grows more .capricious by the week. It now is firing so high that it I has virtually to be aimed j directly into the studio floor, and the bolt leaves it in such a wobbling and despairing arc that anyone who hits the right bloody wall, let alone a target, deserves ito win the trip to Europe, which at present can only he secured by accidentally \ hitting a microdot or something tucked away behind the target. I And what a trip to Europe lit would be! Glynn told us jail about the cities the tour includes, including a stay in (Amsterdam, “which some say is the most exciting city lin New Zealand, the place i where Van Gogh and all those 'Other terrific Dutch painters jdid such good work during the Renaissance.” | With a compere with such ja terrific knowledge of painti ing and that as Glynn Tucker, what’s all this talk about I intellectual snobbery?

POINTS OF VIEWING

By .

JOHN COLLINS