Helping Unwed With Parental Decisions

Press, Volume CVI, Issue 31093, 23 June 1966, Page 2

Helping Unwed With Parental Decisions

(New Zealand Press Association) WELLINGTON, June 22. “The position of the father of an illegitimate child needs close examination,” said Major Thelma Smith, matron of Bethany Hospital, Auckland, addressing members of the Social Workers’ Association in Wellington.

“Many people have a punitive attitude to the father of the child. He is, however, a person in his own right,” she said.

"Some emotionally immature boys, frightened by the situation in which a pregnancy might place them, run from their responsibilities, while others give the girl at least emotional support.” Some girls experienced difficulty in deciding the placement of the child until they! knew the attitude of the; father, said Major Smith. ; It was her practice, where the girl wished it, to enable; her to continue to meet the father, and, given appropriate support, this assisted the couple in facing their responsibilities and working out what was best for the child.; Major Smith said that an

underlying factor in illegitimacy frequently seemed to be a lack of communication between the girl and her parents.

Girls she met often found that they could not talk to; their parents, and this tended' to build up a vicious circle of resentment and distrust in both parent and child. ; Parents mistakenly felt that they could not reveal themselves as fallible human beings who had perhaps been far from perfect when they were young, and this reticence impeded a natural flow of discussion. Carelessness

Parents could at times be careless of a daughter’s welfare to a degree which almost encouraged intercourse, said Major Smith. Many girls had told her that they would be stricter with their own children. Young people liked con-

ftrol and guidance, and saw it as a sign of love and concern. Single mothers often seemed ill-prepared for adolescence, said Major Smith. In one group of 18 girls with whom she had worked, only one had received any sex information from a parent. She found also that girls were inj formed only of the biological facts of sex. What was needed was guidance concerning the feelings involved in human relationships. Caring For Babies

A problem which faced the authorities of hospitals was whether the girls who were contemplating the adoption ;of their babies should care for them while in hospital. I Major Smith had found in her experience that it was I most advisable that girls should look after their babies. It was then easier to help the girl reach a decision concerning the future of the baby and feel it was her own decision. Generally, girls were eager to look after their babies and although it was natural to mourn for their loss when placed for adoption, it was basically an enriching experience which did not leave the bitter doubts and anxieties often found in a girl who had; not seen her baby. Major Smith emphasised, j however, that the girl did I need help in understanding all her feelings during this] process. I