News For Women Education For Task Of Parenthood

Press, Volume XCV, Issue 28264, 30 April 1957, Page 2

News For Women Education For Task Of Parenthood

Many persons approached marriage unprepared for parenthood or for bringing up children: this education was not provided in the schools, and could only be obtained through such organisations as the Marriage Guidance Council, the Family Planning Association, and the Parents' Centre, said Mrs Helen Holmes, last evening, in an address on parenthood to members of the Christchurch Parents’ Centre. The address was the first of a series of eight informal lectures and discussions which will be held once a month. Parenthood, if the job was being done properly, was a very I difficult and exacting task, said Mrs Holmes. Present-day families were small, and consequently the child did not have the same opportunity of observing the mother in her relationship with the other children. Obedience It was possible to get a child to be perfectly obedient with a great deal of hard work and constant “nagging,” but some-one had to pay the penalty and it was usually the child, who grew up with a warped personality, she said. It was possible to overdo not only negative instruction but also positive commands, so that the child grew up always waiting for someone else to tell him what to do, and lacking in confidence and responsibilty. It was also possible that a child who had been subject to exacting obedience would become a rebel against society when about 18 or 19. A person’s attitude to parenthood was formed, in the main, by the . child’s own relationship with his parents, particularly the mother, said Mrs Holmes. “The way in which we love and care for our children is based on the way we ourselves were loved as children. It is the first five years of a person’s life and the relationship between the mother and baby which have a tremendous impact on her personality. That is why it is important for us to learn how to be good parents. Some persons believe that this

relationship begins at the moment of birth, and that is why it is advocated that the mother should be conscious at birth,” said Mrs Holmes. A baby had to be accepted for what it was and not what it was hoped it would be. Parents, for example, often made up their minds that they wanted a boy and were disappointed when it was a girl, and this attitude affected their relationships with the child. The baby had to feel secure and that its needs would be met, Mrs Holmes said. Some parents might be displeased at the news that they were going to have a baby, as it could mean the wife would have to give up an interesting job and become a housewife. Even if they were looking forward to having a child, it usually meant a certain amount of financial worry. Experience in Childbirth The experience of the mother in childbirth was another important factor in her relationship with the child. If she was unconscious at the birth she often found it difficult to realise that the bundle handled to her a few hours later was her own child. A mother in labour was very dependent on those around her, and that was why it was necessary that she should have sympathetic, knowledgeable persons around her at that time. A relaxed atmosphere was essential, and too often in New Zealand the mother was anxious in case the doctor was called too early or too late. Speaking of the role of the father in parenthood, Mrs Holmes said that it was most important that both husband and wife should understand th§ subtle implications of becoming parents. Some women concentrated on the advent of the new baby, and neglected their husbands and other children. Then it was possible that the husband might resent the new baby as coming between him and his wife. The situation had to be looked at with a broad view, as it was not just the wife but the whole family which was preparing for the new baby. **