ALICE IN PLUNDERLAND

Press, Volume LXXIV, Issue 22506, 14 September 1938, Page 7

ALICE IN PLUNDERLAND

' As the Labour Federation Giant tame nearer, Alice saw that he was leading by the nose a man who she at once realised must be Mr Arm- ■ strong. “That must be very uncomfortable for you,” said Alice. “Not at all,” said Mr Armstrong, “after you are used to it, and we are all quite used to it. He has led all the Labour Party by the nose for a long time. Besides, he lets us do just what we like so long as it is just what he likes, which it always is. It saves our thinking out Anything for ourselves, and it leaves me free for my wonderful solution of unemployment, of which, no doubt, you have heard.” ' “I have heard something about it,” said Alice, “but I have never i been able to understand it.” ; “It is my own invention,” said Mr Armstrong, proudly, as he showed Alice what looked to her like a large jig-saw puzzle. “You will find it all here.”

“It still seems rather puzzling to ihe,” said Alice. I Mr Armstrong beamed on her indulgently and explained. “You see those twenty-one thousand under the heading ‘Unemployed?’ I have taken them out of that column and lhave put them under the heading “Public Works Employees,’ but my iwn original masterpiece is to take but eight thousand, whom I then put in this column, which is headed ftJrifitc’ Then there are the people whom I put on Local Body Works. /When I find a new name for those Still called ‘Unemployed’ I will have solved the whole problem.” “Then I suppose the country doesn’t have to pay for them any more,” said Alice. “Of course it does; it pays ever so' much more,” said Mr Armstrong.

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“I am still spending much more money than the last Government. Mr Semple is spending twenty-one million pounds. Think of it—one thousand pounds per man to cure unemployment. That is another of our world records. You will read all about them in the speeches of Mr Savage.” “It seems curiouser and curiouser,” said Alice. “I should have thought you had only changed their names.”

“All great ideas are simple,” said Mr Armstrong. “We carry out a lot of our election promises in that way. For example, Pensions are now Superannuation, Unemployment Tax is now Social Security contribution.”

“You must be a very wonderful 'Government,” said Alice, much impressed.

“We are,” admitted Mr Armstrong modestly. “To see how wonderful Mr Savage is, read my talks about him. To see how wonderful I am, read his talks about me. To see how wonderful Mr Semple is, read his talks about himself.”

“But wouldn’t it be better, for the country, I mean, if you had done as in New South Wales, and encouraged private enterprise to absorb the unemployed. But, of course,” she hastened to add, “they did not think of your wonderful idea of changing the names.” “I should think not,” said Mr Armstrong, somewhat annoyed. “That is my own invention, but I can’t stop any longer to talk about it, as the Labour Federation Giant is becoming impatient.” “I still don’t understand it,” thought Alice, “but, after all, he is a very big politician, and I am only a very little girl.”

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